Saturday, February 28, 2009

SHE-DEVILS ON WHEELS - Herschell Gordon Lewis/The Faded Blue/Larry Wellington - "The Maneaters" (1968)

What more do you want? This movie hasn't even started yet, and you've got all the elements you need, the female posterior and a classic Chevy! You already got your 25 cents worth, so just sit back, relax and enjoy the show!!! And I'm sure that's the way Herschell saw it!!

Just look at how many different ways there are to demonize the goddess that we all adore, Tequila!!!

What I really meant was the female of the species we call human; we've had the "She-Creature", "She-Demons", "She-Freak", "She-Beast" and back in 1957 the "She-Devil", but this is the first time any of them have become mobile, and once those Hell Cats got motorcycles, the game changed, and it all came to a head in Herschell Gordon Lewis' "She-Devils On Wheels"!

These girls are dangerous with a capital D!!

Here's The Maneaters and Get off the Road!!!

I just know all you people are just flashing on the past right about now to a time when helmets and a whole lotta other crap wasn't required!

No, this isn't quite 13!!

No, I don't really think this guy is gay!!

This is my new wallpaper, The Maneater's clubhouse, and that's just plenty weird enuf for awhile!! Love that one leg in, one leg out look!!

The Maneaters!!!!!

Party time 1968 style, when you could be incredibly stupid and still have fun, and yet somehow a lot of us managed to live through it all!

Oh, Yeah, we were having a little too much fun, and forgot about that dude that really pissed off The Maneaters! Does the term "clothesline" have any meaning to you?? I warned you they played rough!!

What's the moral of the story? The End!!

Friday, February 27, 2009

WEREWOLVES ON WHEELS - Don Gere - "Woof Woof" (1971)

Well, I guess there ain't no stopping us now, so before we get to 666, in honour of Hog and Indian lovers and owners everywhere, let's just finish this month off with biker movies from Hell! Tonight, we've got a special big treat with the 1971 classic "Werewolves On Wheels"!!! I actually saw this flick at a drive-in in Anchorage, Alaska, and in retrospect, considering what was possibly ingested, it might just explain a few things!
Just to start with, one of the strangest things about this movie is, it doesn't have a title card, what you see here is from a trailer! During the movie, the credits just run! Weirdsville!

The music by composer Don Gere is the best thing to come along since the theme from "Eegah!!" and has a bit of debt to pay to "Village Of The Giants!" If only Jack Nietzsche had produced this soundtrack to give it a bit more huevos, it would probably have been the best ever, as it is, it's still fantastic in a weird surreal kind of mix between a Sandy Bull raga with the distorted guitar of Canned Heat's Sunflower, and some Hermanos Guzanos thrown in for good measure! There's so much music in this movie, I've surprised there wasn't a fully choreographed werewolf dance number! Don did another soundtrack for "Sweet Sugar," another Michel Levesque directed film in 1973, and that was it! Too bad, because it seems like the guy was a natural!! You know, a good percentage of the time after I put one of these sound clips together, I think it's my new favorite! This one really is my new favorite, at least this week!! Turn it up, hold on tight and don't let go!!!

The basic gang consists of leader Adam, played by Steve (Peyton Place) Oliver, and Tarot, played by Deuce Berry AKA Gene Shane, with Billy (Father Knows Best) Gray as Pill, and Barry (Eve Of Destruction) McGuire as Scarf! Ted and I also actually saw Barry McGuire perform in a live free Christian concert to about 25 people two years later in the Strongbow Stadium wrestling ring. He'd really put on some weight too! I'm not positive, but I'm not really sure this film helped his career!!

This is a portrait of Shirley, every man's dream, loose and free, played by Anna Lynn Brown! As hot as she is in here, it's still not real hard to envision her in her next role eleven years later as a DMV clerk!!!!!!

Tarot deals the Death card!!

If you're out in the boondocks somewhere, you can usually count on the fact that there's going to be a black hooded Satanic cult nearby! It's like taken for granted, and you can really chuckle and make fun of them when they break out the big stupid loaf of bread that looks like a giant cracker, but when they start dipping it in blood, it really starts getting creepy!!

Now what in The Hell is going on? They said they were going to the desert, but the freakin' SAHARA desert?? I did notice the magazines back at the gas station all had covers in what looked like Italian! Krazy, like when did this turn into some kind of National Geographic pictorial?!?

Adam and Tarot are at peace with the universe through their different methods, but then before you know it, all Hell breaks loose, and there's freakin' werewolves everywhere!!!!

So, it turns out, that the out of control, stoned out, drunken biker freaks, "The Devil's Advocates" aren't the bad guys in this film at all, but....

Tomorrow we'll follow up with more great biker action from 1968, with some really mean characters brought to you by Herschell Gordon Lewis, the "She-Devils On Wheels!" Woof, Woof!!

Thursday, February 26, 2009

THE CABINET OF CALIGARI / Associated Producers - 1962 / Music by Gerald Fried

Here is flick that you not see everyday. Weird lil' diddy written by Robert Bloch! Star Glynis Johns, who start acting in 1938 and finally get her own TV series, GLYNIS, in 1963!

Gerald Fried have music honor tonight and do fine job as usual. In case you not familiar with Mr. Fried, here are other flick he knock out... THE VAMPIRE, THE FLAME BARRIER, THE RETURN OF DRACULA, MACHINE-GUN KELLY, THE CRY BABY KILLER, CURSE OF THE FACELESS MAN, HIGH SCHOOL BIG SHOT, THE LOST MISSILE, ONE SPY TOO MANY, and on TV... GILLIGAN'S ISLAND, IT'S ABOUT TIME, THE MAN FROM U.N.C.L.E., LOST IN SPACE, STAR TREK, MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE, MANNIX, ROOTS and beyond!.. Not too bad!

CALIGARI!.. Get out of the cabinet, you wino! Company's here!!

Glynis' sports car just stop, so she start to walk down road. She wander to old dark house and knock on door, and who open it?..

Not really know, hard to tell!..

WOW!.. J. Pat O'Malley, play Perkins in "The Further Adventures of Spin and Marty" and have 212 acting credit!! Then, Estelle Winwood, she play Enchantra in BEWITCHED, play Aunt Hilda in BATMAN and have total of 63 acting credit! And, awesome Constance Ford, she play Bubbles on ANOTHER WORLD 1964-92 with 79 acting credit!

Even though Glynis not really sure what going on, she take time to look extra hot!

Oh, that why she look great, she take nice relaxing bath!.. So soothing! Mmmmm...

Wait a..

What hell??

Caligari and Tabonga think Glynis absolutely smokin' here!!

Here is lame-o attempt to modernize old Caligari motif... Wif' rotating door!!.. Wow.

Okay, Tabonga give credit where due! Pretty creepy thing happen...

Not know why this is creepy, just know it is!

Now, when you have big guy toasting baby in basement, well...

Coo coo! Coo coo! Coo coo!.. Oh, and you hear air raid siren go off like in cartoon too!

If you can identify this image, you're cured!

So, Glynis finally get to leave Nut Central. Hey, how come she all old?!

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

TEENAGE MONSTER - Walter Greene - "Homage To Gilbert Perkins" (1958)

"Teenage Monster" is kind of a misnomer unto itself considering the fact that Dungeon hero, and man of the hour, Gil Perkins who was playing the monster, was like the world's oldest teenager, being 51 at the time, but, personally, we don't care, because every conceivable 60's TV show that needed a stunt probably utilized the amazing talents of Gilbert Perkins, and movies would just not have been the same without him!! He played Bruce Cabot's double in "King Kong", Bela Lugosi's double in "Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man", and Kirk Douglas's double in "20000 Leagues Under the Sea" and if that doesn't span an awesome crossover of genres, then I don't know what does!!

Starts off like a cowboy movie, happy family, breakfast,and goldmine talk!

At the mine, the Dad and the boy are interrupted by this meteor coming down. It kills the Dad and the boy ends up turning into the "Teenage Monster" or as it was sometimes called, "The Meteor Monster!" Would you look at that? It even knocked a chunk out of his hat!!

Next thing you know it's a few years later and the kid looks like this!

So what kind of cheap ass movie is this anyway? Besides our hero Gil Perkins, there's also makeup artiste Jack Pierce, who worked on every conceivable Universal Horror film dating all the way back to "Dracula" in 1932, and who literally owned the patent on Boris Karloff's Frankenstein makeup!!

Then you have the ever so evil Gloria Castillo as Kathy North, just coming off her starring role one year earlier in "Reform School Girls." Just look at that Devilish grin, and it's pretty bloody obvious she's up to no good!!

The cutting edge music is by Walter Greene, the man responsible for the music for more cartoons than my dog has fleas, and a number of other films we've already covered, like "War of the Satellites " and "Brain From Planet Arous," not to mention 73 episodes of "The Gene Autry Show" and the list goes on and on and on! Listen right after the theme there's about 30 seconds of floating saxes and muted trumpets that is brilliant yet very cartoon like!

Übervixen Gloria sets up this dude and Monster Boy pummels him! I can just see Gil telling the kid how it works, don't worry, I'm a stunt man, it'll be all right, and then he throws him like 10 feet across the set!

Gloria gives him his cut! Look at the size of that dude!! He's either real tall or she's extra short!

Right about here is where I start questioning things, why does Gil's room like like a girl's room, and why doesn't his Mom get him a shave and a haircut, I'm sure it would make him assimilate into the community a lot easier, and where did they get those boots from, and wasn't anybody suspicious when she ordered them from the Sears catalogue, and how come his shirt's always tucked in so neat, how's he do it with those big hairy mitts??

Once you get to the broken clown doll part, you know it's all about to end for somebody!!

The whole time all that's going on Sheriff Bob, played by Stuart Wade, is trying to get something going with Monster Boy's Mom, played by Anne Gwynne, who keeps putting him off, but gives in a little just at the wrong time!!

The "Teenage Monster" is on to Gloria and all her lies and schemes, so while he's dragging her off, he decides to smack her a good one. Incredible! Gil was tough, and it looks like Gloria was too!

Charles Cannon, the "Teenage Monster" has completely had it with Gloria, takes things literally into his own hands, and disposes of her!

Even though he was fairly justified in his actions, the local authorities see it a different way, and decide to end the film early, much to his mother's dismay!!

Now does that all add up to the best and most exciting movie of all time? Probably not really, but you know what, it's worth the meager 65 minutes of your life! If you just pay attention, you'll only need to sit through it once, but the memory will last forever!!

Monster Music

Monster Music
AAARRGGHHH!!!! Ya'll Come On Back Now, Y'Hear??