Monday, July 16, 2018

THE BLOODY JUDGE / Horror Will Hold You Helpless! - 1970

Today we gots a wild one! Director Jess Franco brings on the insanity when the great Christopher Lee plays the Lord Chief Justice of 17th century England who condemns women as witches to further his political and sexual needs!

Besides Chris Lee, this one stars Maria (THE ODESSA FILE) Schell, Leo (THE DEATH RAY OF DR. MABUSE) Genn and Hans (X312 - FLIGHT TO HELL) Hass.

Here's the Lord Chief Justice, back in those days it was fun to dress up like a blooming fairy when you're condemning people to death, or worse!..

I wouldn't like to be this gal, she's about to be condemned as a witch!..

And, she's put in the dungeon along with a pile of other women. Let the fun begin!!

What man won't do to women in the name of the the lord!

The Lord Chief Justice wears his white wig when he's a figure of authority and his dark wig when he's being a horn dog after hours!

There's also a British civil war going on, creating some turmoil for those in charge.

Oh yeah, keep away from the dude who wears the mark of Satan!

For the condemned women, the humiliation just never ends!

This lady has had it with the Lord Chief Pervert, she grabs a knife and tries to stab him in the back, but, the mission fails...

Well, well, well, it's found out what the Lord Chief Justice has been up to and he's put in a cell to await his hanging...

As he watches the scene below, he sees the men let the hanged man down, then sadistically go at his neck with an ax! That's enough for the X-Lord and he dies from a heart attack before he ends up being the guy down there with those crazy henchmen!

Yow, what an ending!.. So, like, check in again Wednesday when Eegah!! has a fun post for you!

Saturday, July 14, 2018

TERMINATOR II (SHOCKING DARK) - "Contaminator Alienators" (1989)

Tonight's Saturday Night Special from 1989 is titled "Shocking Dark!" Why is it called "Shocking Dark" you might ask, and the answer is.....

The actual original title was "Terminator II," and that just wasn't going to fly! Arnie's first "Terminator" movie was released in 1984, and they obviously had planned a sequel, and this wasn't it, nor does it have anything to do with that movie!

Just like this wasn't a "Terminator" sequel, there is also nobody named Vincent Dawn. Bruno Mattei is the Director of the film in the guise of Vincent Dawn, As far as I can tell, Bruno never used his real name as Director, and if he wasn't Vincent Dawn, then he was Pierre Le Blanc, or David hunt, or Martin Miller, or William Snyder, or Herik Montgomery, or Frank Klox, or David Graham, or Michael Cardoso, or Bob Hunter, or Gilbert Roussel, or Stefan Oblowsky, or Jimmy Matheus, or maybe Jordan B. Matthews!

For release in the U.S., they had to change the name to something else besides "Terminator II"  so they chose "Shocking Dark" for some reason.

The future Venice, Italy is not a pretty place!

Can somebody get me out of here??

In a maze of underground madness beneath a polluted sea, there is a crew that is calling out for help! Something has gone wrong, and they want the Hell out!

Send in the 'A' Team! 
(No, not the TV show guys, but the best the future has to offer!)

The first thing they encounter is this krazy guy!

Then shit starts going sideways!

 This is not going to be their lucky day!

A nostalgic look at the beautiful and romantic Venice of the past!

It really should have been "Totally Tubular Corporation!"

Meanwhile, back at the ranch!
 "What do you mean, there are monsters?" "Yeah, two cheeseburgers, and a small pizza to go!"

The monsters are a bunch of genetically morphological out of control freaks! There is no reason to know why they exist, what they are, or where they are going! They're just freakin' monsters!

There's more than one way to look at this situation!

Not exactly original, but effective!

Oh, Yeah, and there's lots of pumped up action like this!

There's lots of these mean ole monsters, and they're all the same but different!

Running down tunnels, hallways,and corridors, and away from the monsters is a key plot element!

"Contaminator" gets my vote for coolest alternate title, but the Japanese title "Alienators" is not bad either! So I think you got it, this is not a movie to take seriously on any level, but if you just want to spend a mindless hour and a half not having to think about anything important, this is the perfect film!

Friday, July 13, 2018

THE THREE STOOGES In Color: Disorder In The Court - 1936

Since Friday the 13th is one of our favorite days, I thought I'd feature our favorite guys, The Three Stooges! Today, the Stooges are witnesses at a trial where their friend, a dancer at a nightclub where they work as musicians, is accused of murder. The Boys manage to disrupt the proceedings but save the day when they discover the real murderer's identity with the help of a little green parrot...

Gail Tempest is on trial for the murder of Cock Robin, the prosecutor gets personal and the defense attorney calls him out for badgering the defendant...

And that, he's also insulting the intelligence of the fine people of the jury!

When it's time for the boys to testify, well, they seem to have gone to lunch! But when they're located, they're found in the damn hallway rollin' dice!

Curly uses the old machine-gun routine on the defense attorney!

So, the boys reenact what was going down at the nightclub the night of the murder...

The judge just cannot believe he has to put up with this young lady shaking her ta-tas.

The clerk's toupee gets mistaken for a varmit by Larry and he screams... A TARANTULA!! This is probably my very favorite Stooge moment!

When the bailiff comes up to see what going on, Moe grabs his gun and shoots the toupee!

They finally finish the dance number. All the guys in the jury are gawking away, and the women are insulted!

Moe uses Curly to show some of the mayhem they witnessed that night at the club!

The defense attorney wants Curly to try and pull the trigger on the murder weapon, stating that it would take the strength of a mule to pull it, thus proving the innocence of Gail Tempest!

Moe has a big gob of Curly's gum stuck on his nose, so, Larry volunteers to help out!

After the gum is removed, Larry beats his chest and yells like Tarzan, bringing the courtroom to a complete frenzy.

It's found out that there's a note tied to the parrot's leg naming the real killer. The bird gets away so Curly chases it with a big freakin' hammer!

Then, Curly uses the fire hose to bring the bird down, it all backfires of course!

Moe and Larry get a hold of the parrot, the name of the real murderer is announced, and...

The boys pose for a picture for the newspaper!.. They're heroes!!

Only problem is that the knot Curly tied in the hose is about to cause a big surprise ending!!.. Hey, tune in tomorrow for a wild 'n' weird post from Eegah!!

Monster Music

Monster Music
AAARRGGHHH!!!! Ya'll Come On Back Now, Y'Hear??