TEENAGE MONSTER - Walter Greene - "Homage To Gilbert Perkins" (1958)

"Teenage Monster" is kind of a misnomer unto itself considering the fact that Dungeon hero, and man of the hour, Gil Perkins who was playing the monster, was like the world's oldest teenager, being 51 at the time, but, personally, we don't care, because every conceivable 60's TV show that needed a stunt probably utilized the amazing talents of Gilbert Perkins, and movies would just not have been the same without him!! He played Bruce Cabot's double in "King Kong", Bela Lugosi's double in "Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man", and Kirk Douglas's double in "20000 Leagues Under the Sea" and if that doesn't span an awesome crossover of genres, then I don't know what does!!

Starts off like a cowboy movie, happy family, breakfast,and goldmine talk!

At the mine, the Dad and the boy are interrupted by this meteor coming down. It kills the Dad and the boy ends up turning into the "Teenage Monster" or as it was sometimes called, "The Meteor Monster!" Would you look at that? It even knocked a chunk out of his hat!!

Next thing you know it's a few years later and the kid looks like this!

So what kind of cheap ass movie is this anyway? Besides our hero Gil Perkins, there's also makeup artiste Jack Pierce, who worked on every conceivable Universal Horror film dating all the way back to "Dracula" in 1932, and who literally owned the patent on Boris Karloff's Frankenstein makeup!!

Then you have the ever so evil Gloria Castillo as Kathy North, just coming off her starring role one year earlier in "Reform School Girls." Just look at that Devilish grin, and it's pretty bloody obvious she's up to no good!!

The cutting edge music is by Walter Greene, the man responsible for the music for more cartoons than my dog has fleas, and a number of other films we've already covered, like "War of the Satellites " and "Brain From Planet Arous," not to mention 73 episodes of "The Gene Autry Show" and the list goes on and on and on! Listen right after the theme there's about 30 seconds of floating saxes and muted trumpets that is brilliant yet very cartoon like!

Übervixen Gloria sets up this dude and Monster Boy pummels him! I can just see Gil telling the kid how it works, don't worry, I'm a stunt man, it'll be all right, and then he throws him like 10 feet across the set!

Gloria gives him his cut! Look at the size of that dude!! He's either real tall or she's extra short!

Right about here is where I start questioning things, why does Gil's room like like a girl's room, and why doesn't his Mom get him a shave and a haircut, I'm sure it would make him assimilate into the community a lot easier, and where did they get those boots from, and wasn't anybody suspicious when she ordered them from the Sears catalogue, and how come his shirt's always tucked in so neat, how's he do it with those big hairy mitts??

Once you get to the broken clown doll part, you know it's all about to end for somebody!!

The whole time all that's going on Sheriff Bob, played by Stuart Wade, is trying to get something going with Monster Boy's Mom, played by Anne Gwynne, who keeps putting him off, but gives in a little just at the wrong time!!

The "Teenage Monster" is on to Gloria and all her lies and schemes, so while he's dragging her off, he decides to smack her a good one. Incredible! Gil was tough, and it looks like Gloria was too!

Charles Cannon, the "Teenage Monster" has completely had it with Gloria, takes things literally into his own hands, and disposes of her!

Even though he was fairly justified in his actions, the local authorities see it a different way, and decide to end the film early, much to his mother's dismay!!

Now does that all add up to the best and most exciting movie of all time? Probably not really, but you know what, it's worth the meager 65 minutes of your life! If you just pay attention, you'll only need to sit through it once, but the memory will last forever!!