50 YEARS OF CHEAP ASS ROBOTS!

Here's a list I've put together of some of the freakin' goofiest, silliest, and stoopidest robots in film history. Let me know if you disagree!

Technically, "Robot Monster" is too good of a movie to be on this list, but it really was the first of the worst! After 47,000 gorilla movies, in 1953, they decided to bump it up a notch! 

 Want to get lost for a couple of hours? Search for the word robot on this blog. I knew there were a lot of mummies, vampires, and werewolves, but the robots rule the roost no doubt. I think this is a real vision of what the future has in store, artificial intelligence will either save us or kill us! If this series of robots is a good example, then I think we're going to be all right! 

From the 1953 "Adventures Of Superman," here's "The Runaway Robot."

 

"Target Earth" from 1954 is the other movie that is also too good to be on this list, but you gotta admit, what's up with that codpiece and those shoulder pads?

Also in 1954, there was this gem called Gorag in "The Bowery Boys Meet The Monsters."

From the 1955 classic "Ucan Daireler Istanbulda" aka "Flying Saucers Over Istanbul," this cardboard robot always looked like a woman with curlers in her hair to me!

 In 1958, they dragged Gorag back out, and slightly changed his appearance for the "Adventures Of Superman" episode titled "The Gentle Monster."

 South of the border, also in 1958, they came up with this tin can for "The Robot Vs. The Aztec Mummy."

In 1959, the Egyptian movie "Journey To The Moon," featured this guy who looks like he was built in some farm shop! I'm guessing the coils are a cooling device! This dude has like a stick for one hand, and a hook for the other

 I love "Ship Of Monsters" from 1960, but there's just no way to compare this thing to Robby The Robot!

 In the 1965 Mexican flick, "Little Red Riding Hood And The Monsters," they dragged out the robot from "The Robot Vs. The Aztec Mummy" for another round!

 

 This super scary robot was in "Yilmayan Seytan" also known as "Copperhead Vs. Dr. Satan" in 1973! Apparently robot technology didn't advance much from the 50's to the 70's!

 Now this robot is quite a bit more sophisticated, but it still looks likes a giant robotic Pillsbury Dough Boy! This guy is looking to duke it out with the Super Red Baron robot in 1973 Japan.

 1973 was a boom year for funky looking robots as is evidenced by this thing from "3 Supermen and Mad Girl!" I don't think it's supposed to necessarily look like it has a mustache, but that's what I see!

 Just for KD, here's Moguera from 1957's "The Mysterians," who I have always liked because I thought he looked like a gigantic Woody The Woodpecker robot!

30 years later, somebody finally had enough class to make Styrofoam robot box heads as an upgrade to cardboard and tinfoil!  From our very own 50 cent production in 2003, here's a shot from "Silver Angel Vs. The Death Zombies!"
There's been lots more robots from the 1921 "Mechanical Man" to "Iron Man" and beyond, but the eras of cheap ass robots, just like 4-track tapes, Beta-Max tapes and the like, will all soon be forgotten by most, if they're not already!

CARNIVAL OF SINNERS / La Main Du Diable - 1943

Here we go with another week of new posts, we'll begin with this very interesting movie from France made during WWII. It goes like this... Roland Brissot pays a nickel for a talisman that will give him love, fame and wealth. The talisman is a freaking left hand, and, it does change his life as an artist, bringing him everything he desired. But of course, nothing is free in this world, and after one year, the devil shows up and asks for his due...

It stars Pierre Fresnay as Roland, Josseline Gaël, Noël Roquevert, Guillaume de Sax and Palau as the Devil.

It starts with Roland, disheveled and missing his left hand, appearing at an inn in the mountains. The people there are all staring at him, he seems a bit insane to them. Annoyed, Roland has a few choice words!

He sits down with the guests and starts telling the story of what has happened to him...

He tells of buying a talisman that was supposed to bring him fame and fortune. But on the way to his friend's room to see the talisman, an unknown person tells him not to buy the thing!

After paying his successful friend a nickel for a box with a left hand in in it, his luck changes. But he's warned, he must sell the hand within one year or face the consequences.

Everything's falling into place, now, his dream girl Irene wants to marry him!

Well, time flies when you're rolling in the dough. Buyers are lining up to buy his paintings now, instead of painting dogs, his left hand is magically turning out dark visions of Hell, intriguing the public!

Then it happens, a year passes and who shows up? Right, the Devil, aka The Small Man...

Roland didn't sell the hand, so, he's required to pay a fee the next day of 200,000 francs. The Devil speeds up time and Roland is 8 francs short. So, he will owe 400,000 the following day as it doubles every day! Roland's an idiot!

Roland goes to a casino and has amassed a tidy sum only to lose it all on one bet...

Roland's life is surreal, he pays a visit to these costumed people only to find out that they have also possessed the hand and they are all part of a chain of cursed souls...

In performances that made him rich, he realizes that he was delving into unnatural acts.

The curse of the Devil hangs over him...

Then as the Devil is closing in on Roland, the spirit of the actual owner of the hand gives our poor Roland a way out of his predicament, return the hand to the owner's grave!

Everyone is enthralled by Roland's story. He has saved his soul, but is afraid the Devil is plotting to kill him for revenge. There's a sound outside and they find the Devil's hand print burned into the door! Roland runs out of the inn and chases his nemesis...

You can see Roland at the top there, beating the crap out of the Devil... He tries to descend the hill and falls to the ground when he slips!

Roland is dead, the people from the inn have come to see if they can help. They find the box, but, the hand is not in it! Then, they find the grave of the man Roland says he needed to return it to, breaking the chain. Yes, a very complicated story, definitely a film you need to see if you haven't! Tune in Wednesday as we keep on trucking down that stormy old Dungeon trail...

AMAZING STORIES - "Secret Cinema" (1986)

 Okay, tonight's Saturday Night Special is just what you'd expect it to be, a follow up to last Wednesday's "Secret Cinema," show and the remake they did in 1986 for the "Amazing Stories" TV show, Season one, Episode number 20.

 IF I ever had a chance to plan something, I would have done this one first and saved the original for the "Saturday Night Special," because as KD so succinctly commented:

"While the re-do was very slick thanks to the big Universal TV budget, alas, it lost most of its charm in the process." 

And that pretty much sums it up, except it lost it's darkness too!

 

 Paul Bartel still gets credit for the story, but the changes were written by other people. Paul also direceted this episode. Here's the new 1980's Jane, as portrayed by Penny Peyser! At the same time, she was one of the stars of an ongoing TV show called "Crazy Like A Fox."

 This Dick was played by Griffin (An American Werewolf In London) Dunne!

 The setup for this story is not nearly as dark and mysterious as the original, instead, Jane's life is more like one big "live" sit-com, with real Three Stooges action like an overflowing refrigerator, and lots of pies to the face!

 The adorable Eve Arden gets the role of Jane's Mother. Eve was Connie Brooks on the very popular 1950's TV show, "Our Miss Brooks," that ran for two years, and 130 episodes, and that was followed by "The Eve Arden Show," for the next two years and 26 more episodes!

 I love Mary Woronov!
She was in ten movies with Paul Bartel, and my favorite of them all is "Get Crazy!"
For some unexplainable reason, IMDB only credits Mary Woronov with being the nurse in this show!

 But just like Mimi Randolph, Mary not only plays the nurse, she plays the waiter who was a waitress in the original........

.......And the cashier..........

 .......And Dick's lover!!

 

 Jane once again makes her way to the theatre that doesn't exist!

 Do you ever feel like you're living your life one episode to the next? 

Well, for Jane, it was true!

 Who knew Executive Producer Steven Spielberg liked pie so much?

Certainly not Sweet Jane!

 It's fascinating how they decide to use the exact same shot, but reverse it for some reason!

 In this version, Jane's show has a real producer, and he's ready for it to be over, and he wants blood, so Jane's Doctor tells her she needs to act out on her anger and shoot Dick, and so she does!

 Here's an extra role for Mary Woronov that Mimi Randolph didn't have, she and Paul show up at the crime scene as cops!

 All right everybody, that's a wrap, and they start taking down and changing out the set immediately, and Jane is like just WTF!? is going on around here. In a matter of seconds she's shot her ex but he's okay, and finds out that the last six months of her life was all fake, and filmed!

 Since this is a big and bright 1986 success story instead of a 1968 cheapass indie production, it was deemed that there should be a happy ending I guess!

 Paul and Mary end up with a Caddy full of garbage!

You know if I didn't know the 1968 version existed, I would probably have been perfectly fine with this version, just because it's Paul and Mary, but really, this version is lacking Peter and balls by comparison!
The original "Secret Cinema" kind of reminded me of "Daughter Of Horror" the movie onscreen in "The Blob," and the difference between this one and the 60's version, is kind of like comparing "The Blob," to the 1972 version "Beware! The Blob." It doesn't work, so just enjoy them each for what they are, and you'll have a good time!