ROBOT MONSTER / Monsters Attack Earth! - 1953

In this truly insane, super cheap movie by Phil Tucker, Ro-Man shows up on Earth and destroys all but six people on the planet, and spends the whole movie trying to bring their demise, until he gets the hots for the girl called Alice!

Holy cow!!.. It's beyond belief what the producers thought they were going to do with a measly $16,000, and in 3-D no less. I can only imagine what the audience must have thought (fooled by the poster) when they saw it, it's so pathetic. I would have demanded my money back! But, how do you erase it from your brain... It's also known as MONSTERS FROM THE MOON and MONSTER FROM MARS!

The poor stars are George Nader as Roy, Claudia Barrett as Alice, Selena Royle as Mother, John Mylong as the Professor, Gregory Moffitt as Johnny, Pamela Paulson as Carla and George Barrows as Ro-Man.

Things get going when Johnny and Carla are wandering around in Bronson Canyon and see two men doing something in a cave. Johnny takes his space helmet off to talk to the men who are there looking for rock samples.

But, mom and big sister Alice show up, time for a nice picnic amongst the rocks and in the hot sun! Lovely spot Phil! Then, even stupider, they all lay down and take a nap there! But Johnny gets up and starts wandering around again...

He goes back to the cave and finds some dude dressed up in a gorilla suit with a cheesy space helmet glued on, playing with his bubble machine. Didn't know the circus was in town!

Ro-Man (should be Ro-Ape!) tunes in his view screen and finds the Professor and his family. He has a dire warning for them, he is NOT their friend!

Roy shows up and wants to help, but when Alice says that he's too bossy, he says... Bossy! You should be milked before you come home at night! Wow, the good old days!

Now, this part gives me fits... It looks like someone smashed this electrical unit with a sledge hammer, but Alice just lays a soldering iron (that's not even on!!) on the mess and that's what she thinks will fix it. She does this shit for like two days and finally gives up, but not for lack of trying.

I want to hurt you Phil Tucker! You make poor Alice look like a doofus, when it is YOU that is the doofus!

From the Moon I guess, the Great Guidance blows the rocket ship and its two crew members the Hell up! Good riddance to another crappy movie model!

After listening to Ro-Man's tripe, Alice decides she's going to talk with the monster and maybe she can save the world! She's immediately restrained and tied up... But now, Johnny's gone missing!

Johnny has tracked down Ro-Man and wants to know what's his beef with them. The kid let's it slip that the reason the death ray doesn't work on them is because they all took the Professor's serum! Oh no, now Ro-Man can recalculate, and bring them down - Try and fit that one into some logic circles. Johnny runs away to tell the Professor that he screwed up big time! The shot of Ro-Man shaking his fist at Johnny always cracks me up.

So, Roy and Alice get married and go on their honeymoon. Soon after that though, Carla is being buried, she went up to Ro-Man and told him that he can't hurt her because her dad would protect her. Ro-Man reaches over and chokes her out!! Roy runs into the funeral scene and says Ro-Man has Alice, then keels over dead!!

Ro-Man gets frisky and wants to see what Alice gots hidden in there...

Ro-Man gets distracted and has to leave the cave. When he does, the Professor and mom grab Alice and rescue her just in the nick of time.

So, Ro-Man finds Johnny and chokes him out too (yay), then the Great Guidance puts his destructo rays on Ro-Man for being horny, and he's outta here too!!

And the rays cause the dinosaurs' appearance again like at the beginning. This freakin' movie makes minus 13 o' sense!!

Well of course, Johnny bumped his head after he got up during naptime and went exploring. Everything's fine, Roy and the Professor are invited over for dinner by the girls. That's right, it was just a really BAD dream.. Err, MOVIE! AAARGH!!!

NOWHERE TO GO - "Except Onto A Woman's Couch" (1958)

 

Tonight's Weird Wednesday presentation is a great British film from 1958 entitled "Nowhere To Go." This film is weirder than Hell, has some amazing cast members, and the camera work is well thought out for each and every shot!

"Nowhere To Go" is about a con man played by George Nader who escapes from prison, tries to pull of a big heist, fails, and consequently has "Nowhere To Go!"

As you can see, "Nowhere To Go" is a very stylish and atmospheric film.

 

Dungeon Super Hero George Nader is Paul Gregory. He's a predator!

George Nader's list of credits is about as amazing as anyone's in the outright strange but awesome category, and you can check it out for yourself by following this link!

Just a couple of prime examples are "House Of A 1000 Dolls," "The Million Eyes Of Sumuru," "The Human Duplicators," "Robot Monster," and all the Jerry Cotton movies.

 

So much is so strange about this film, from the camera angles to the really odd cuts, it will really keep you wondering!

Even people just walking down the street are interesting!

This was Director Seth Holt's first film!

In 1971 Seth Holt passed away at the age of 47 before his last film, "Blood Of The Mummy's Tomb," was completed!

In one of her earliest roles, Dame Maggie Smith has the role of Paul Gregory's potential significant other, Bridget Howard.

Magnificent Maggie is well known these days for her ongoing role as Professor Minerva McGonagall in the Harry Potter series of films, and she's still working today!

 George Nader is another actor I absolutely cannot believe doesn't have a star on the stupid Hollywood Walk Of Fame. My word, they should be ashamed! I could give a list of at least 100 people less deserving, that do have a star.

Paul Gregory is up to his ears in trouble, and it's getting to the point where he has zero allies!

All that, and we haven't even got to the real reason I wanted to watch this movie yet!

So how do you like the entertainment in this club? It was hard to get a good shot, but the main act is a blackbird balanced on a soccer ball rolling it around in a little ring.

And her she is, everybody's favourite vampiress, Andree Melly, as Rosa the cocktail waitress who brings Paul home to her flat for the night! As quirky as ever, Rosa doesn't like the bird. 

Around these parts, Andree's most memorable role is that of Gina in "The Brides Of Dracula."

Rosa has a cat that makes it difficult for Paul to get any rest.

When the law is on your tail, it's always best to head to the rooftops!

Believe it or not, Snoop Dog, Snoopy, and Snow White have stars on the HWoF, but not Maggie Smith. I really think it's time to rethink that whole project!

For being a con man, Paul Gregory respects the women who help him out, and even sleeps on the couch in Bridget Howard's home. Bridget has one of the most interesting doors to her bedroom I have ever seen.

Not riding off into the sunset, "Nowhere To Go" is not one of those kinds of films!

There's no happy ending here.

Last, but absolutely not least, "Nowhere To Go" has got a killer jazzy soundtrack by Jamaican-born  trumpeter Dizzy Reece, with help from tenor sax player Tubby Hayes. I wasn't really that familiar with these players, so when I first read the name Dizzy Reece, it really confounded me, and I just figured out why. When I was a kid, I used to watch a lot of baseball on TV, and one the most famous pair of announcers at the time were ex-players Dizzy Dean and Pee Wee Reese. Yeah, I know Reese is spelled differently, but that's still pretty weird!

Here's a damn fine reason this film is so good!

The Dizzy Reece Quartet - "Nowhere To Go"

The HORROR And SCI-FI MOVIES Of ARTHUR C. PIERCE As WRITER

As promised, here's more info on Mr. Arthur C. Pierce, this time we focus on writing credits for his horror and sci-fi movies from 1959-78...

We start with THE COSMIC MAN from 1959, a story about a spherical UFO that proves to contain an alien visitor. Arthur gets credit for the original story and the screenplay. Wow, that's one of the best title cards... Ever!!

Then, he also gets the story and screenplay credits for Jerry Warren's INVASION OF THE ANIMAL PEOPLE in 1959. In this story, Aliens release a big critter in the wilds of Lapland where it takes a woman captive and threatens a group of scientists.

Arthur also gets credit for original story and screenplay for BEYOND THE TIME BARRIER from 1960, starring Robert Clarke. In this one, a military test pilot is caught in a time warp that propels him to year 2024 where he finds a plague has sterilized the world's population!

In THE HUMAN DUPLICATORS from 1965 with George Nader and Richard Kiel, Arthur scores the writing credit for a story about an alien that's dispatched from a faraway galaxy to take over the Earth by "duplicating" humans and creating a race of zombies!

MUTINY IN OUTER SPACE from 1965 will always be one of my favorite movies to watch again! Arthur also gets more original story and screenplay credits here. In this one, a creeping fungus is brought to a space station by astronauts on their trip back from the Moon.

Then we have WOMEN OF THE PREHISTORIC PLANET from 1966 with John Agar, he gets the writing credit. The story's about a spaceship that crashes on an unexplored planet, and, the rescuers sent to search for survivors discover that decades have passed due to a time dilation!

Also from 1966, Arthur gets the writing credit for DESTINATION INNER SPACE, the story's about a group of scientists working in a deep-sea research station, they discover a strange craft of extraterrestrial origin with a monster inside.

Again in 1966, Arthur gets an 'uncredited' writing credit for THE NAVY vs. THE NIGHT MONSTERS. In the story, Operation Deep Freeze, a scientific expedition to Antarctica, discover some unusual tree specimens. When the specimens are shipped out for further study, the trees are accidentally introduced to a south seas Navy base, soon revealing killer, acid-secreting monsters that live by night!! Another killer title card!

Damn, again in 1966, Arthur gets the writing credit for DIMENSION 5, a story about an American intelligence agent who's aided by a Chinese-American female agent, he uses a time-travel belt to thwart Chinese operatives who are attempting to import the materials to make an atomic bomb to LA.

Holy crap, he's back in 1966 to pen CYBORG 2087 starring Michael Rennie! Man, 1966 was a magic year for our busy Mr. Pierce!! In this one, Earth's civilization in the future sends a cyborg back to the 1960's to change the future. Bottom still shows the world Cyborg 2087 came from.

In 1968, Arthur gets another writing credit for THE DESTRUCTORS. This story has foreign agents who are after a substance called Laser Rubies that can power a killer laser beam. Government agents are dispatched to eliminate the foreign opponents.

Last on our list is THE ASTRAL FACTOR from 1978 starring Robert Foxworth, Stefanie Powers and Sue Lyon. A convicted strangler, studying the paranormal in his jail cell, learns to make himself invisible. He escapes from prison to stalk and strangle the five women who testified against him at his trial...

Wow, what a great pile of work, thank you Mr. Pierce!! So, looks like we're back Wednesday with even more wild 'n' weird Dungeon Cargo, be there or be from Squaresville...