Saturday, October 14, 2017

DEATH BED - "The Bed That Eats" (1977)

Well, my refrigimerator (Back in the day when local people did their own ads on TV, we had one guy who actually said refrigerator like that!) is screaming at me that furniture and appliances need equal time, so I guess it's time for:

So, who's this George Barry guy anyway? Well, I can tell you this, he's a Leo, and he wrote and directed this film, and he also wrote "Deathbed" that was based on this film that was made into a video in 2002! Other than that, you're on your own!

"Death Bed: The Bed That Eats" is listed solely as a horror film on IMDB, but I think it's safe to say that it is also a comedy, a sick gory comedy, but a comedy nonetheless! It lacks personality, so I won't compare it to "Bucket Of Blood!"

Rock critic, and supposedly the man who coined the term "Punk Rock" Dave Marsh has the role of the artiste! The funny thing is they don't use his own voice in the narration, but instead leave it up to Patrick Spence-Thomas! Alas, there is no "Punk Rock" music in this movie! Too bad, because it could have used it!

Bar the doors, it's time!

There's this bed in this place out in the middle of nowhere, and it's hungry! The people who go there to make out, etc., never question why the sheets are always clean!

But they should!

You can see what happens!

The bed is like a living, thinking, rancid vat of acid covered with sheets and blankets! Memory foam turned evil! The bed doesn't just like to eat people, it also likes chicken drumsticks.....

.....and Wine!

Before it eats this girl, the bed gives her a horrible dream, where I swear they actually put a tomato worm in her mouth! My Lord, I hope she got paid more than somebody like Meryl Streep! Seriously Gross!!

The bed just foams up and sucks them in, and he prefers his meals nekkid!

Now try and tell me this isn't a comedy!

There's a history lesson in slow motion about years and years of the bed's chowing down experiences! As you can see, it hasn't always been gourmet dining!

That's right, there are no jokers in this deck! The joke's on the viewer!

This was Demene Hall's first acting appearance, and unlike most of the rest of the cast, she went on to be in other endeavors like the movie "Men Of Honor," and an episode of "Grimm" the TV series!

I have a confession, and that is I did fast forward through a bit of "Death Bed!"  It was tediously slow in certain places, and it seemed to go on forever, but I did make it to the end!

Eye think there must be 50 or more shots of stuff floating around in the bed's killer fluid!

Then this brainbat wannabehero brother of one of the intended victims gets the bright idea to try and stab the bed to kill it, but his hands and arms get sucked into the solution and he......

....Ends up looking like this!

"Death Bed" is about as Halloweenie as it gets, and you have to admit, it's a great title, but unfortunately it's just not one that the actual movie can die up to, but it is quite different, and maybe that's just enough!


Greg Goodsell said...

THIS -- was a chore to sit through!

EEGAH!! said...

Considering how many bad movies I know you have sat through, that says a lot! S....L....O....W....would be the way I'd put it!

Joseph Fragosa said...

I have been putting off this movie for a long time. Maybe one day I'll get around to it.

EEGAH!! said...

And then, Maybe not, and nobody's going to blame you!

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