Monday, June 5, 2017

MICROWAVE MASSACRE / Reel Life Productions - 1983

Here's a flick that's billed as "The Worst Horror Movie Of All Time!" So, I got this title to see what the Hell they're talking about. When I hear 'worst movie ever,' there's just one that pops into my head, and, that is... THINGS! (We've reviewed it) I use that as my measure for just such claims. This movie is not TWHMOAT, it's simply a big piece of CRAP, or, ABPOC!!! If you think about it, if you make that claim, it will increase sales, jerks! I do like this VHS box art.

Anyway, the story's about Donald, he's fed up with his wife's bad cooking, so, he kills her, puts her is a huge microwave oven, cooks her and turns to cannibalism to satisfy his appetite.

This turkey stars Jackie Vernon (and boobs), Jackie was a stand up comedian discovered by Steve Allen, he only had 16 acting credits and was in THE MONITORS in 1969.

These two chick magnets are idiots you get to enjoys throughout the movie, dude on the left is trying to get a freakin' bugger off his finger, dude on the right is getting his jollies watching!

Here's Donald getting ready for yet another mangled meal, drama...

He sits down with his beautiful wife at the dinner table, what a great way to relax after a day of construction work.

Donald doesn't appreciate his wife's food wizardry, he tells her all about it, and, she dumps the pile of shit on his head!! Love the paper plate...

So then, Donald grabs the giant wooden salt shaker and clobbers the crap out of his beloved!

He pops her into their gigantic microwave oven and turns the damn thing on high!

The best part is the bone marrow, you just suck it right out!

Donald's addicted to microwaved human flesh and must keep his refrigerator stocked, so, he goes out looking for more rump roast, etc!

Donald has the fridge full of female flesh delicacies, his wife's head keeps guard.

He's always looking for new taste treats, like this gal dressed up as a chicken!

His wife's blabbermouth sister shows up, looking for her. Donald ties her up, crams food in her mouth and throws her in a closet to shut her up.

We are two wild and crazy, creeped out guys looking for Donald, where's that tasty grub?!

But, they find the cannibal, dead, just laying there on the floor... What the Hell happened?!!

Before we call the cops, let's grab a bite to eat first...

Believe it or not, his wife's head is responsible for Donald's death, go figure! And, figure on being here on Wednesday when Eegah!! is up to bat...

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