ROCKTOBER BLOOD - "Trick or Treat" (1984)

This is my first post as a Cryptkicker 2018, so let's get this started on the wrong foot right out of the box with freakin' "Rocktober Blood," a movie that has everything you need for this season of the witch, just not something I'd waste my time watching or even semi-watching ever again! "Rocktober Blood" was released as the groovy title "Rockill" in Belgium, and believe it or not, actually had at one time, the working title of "Trick or Treat!"

If you're having a Halloween party, and you just want something that looks sorta scary rockin' on the tube in the background, and you can't find a copy of "Monster Dawg" with Alice Cooper or "Phantom Of The Paradise," then this just might be your cup of henna leaves, otherwise I'd just go on to the next door and ask for more candy!

Ferd, not Fred, and Beverly Sebastian are the ones responsible for "Rocktober Blood" whether you love it or hate it! Despite the fact that they gave some people jobs, donating to almost any needy charity would have been a much better use of the money!

I'm guessing the lens flare was a signature Sebastian trademark!

The heavy metal lead singer looks like Lou Reed on steroids after he joined Pablo Cruise (with a lens flare off his shades of course!)

There was a time when "Rocktober Blood" was almost impossible to find, unfortunately for us all, those days are over, and you can now get it for $5.00 used (which means it was probably only played once)

At least it's reassuring to know that when heavy metal killers die, they still get to keep their headbands!

Let's see, how can we come up with a new an innovative way to kill someone?  Oh, I know, iron the bitch, that oughta show her!

 If "Rocktober Blood" was a video on MTV that lasted three minutes, it might be worth watching, other than that, you'll probably have a more entertaining time in the Doctor's office waiting to get your colonoscopy!

Rainbow eyes and pussy blood! Great combination!

I'm sorry!

I'd say the ending was ridiculous, but........

YEAAAAHIEEEAAIIYYAEEEEIIIOOOOUUUIEEEAAAAAIIIIII!!!!!!!
YEAHYAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!

TOMB OF TORTURE / (METEMPSYCHO) - 1963

Halloween Countdown 2018 is now officially underway... My first offering is one totally whacked out Italian flick from beginning to end, you need to find this thing and check it out! You won't be disappointed if you dig the old stuff like we do! Eegah!! and I were freshmen in HS at the time.

The story's about a woman who's tormented by dreams where she's the reincarnation of a dead countess. Her father is trying to help her get over the nightmares, so he takes her to a village near the castle of the late countess. In the village, she meets a reporter that's investigating reports of the deaths of two young women who it is believed were killed by a creature that lives in the castle!

At the beginning of the story, there's a warning to all those non-believers out there!..

Here are the two cute girls that don't last long after being captured and tortured by the guy known as... The Creature! He's one big ugly SOB, literally!!

The Tomb of Torture is a small distance away from the mansion, so, the psycho has a special entrance into the place, nice and creepy, just for him!

This poor girl gets caught in the mad house, and eventually gets an arrow through the gut!

And, he has to answer to his freakin' master in armor who likes to beat the crap out of him!

Then, our heroine Anna is taken prisoner in the tomb after being knocked out with chloroform.

When she comes back to the land of the living, she's then confronted by a nightmare!

Anna's boy friend and dude from India come to her rescue, but, they have to knock a hole in the old tomb wall to get to her!!

In the meantime though, Creach has come back with some flowers for Anna, she looks exactly like the dead Countess Irene, who he loves. But when he sees Irene's sister Countess Elizabeth there, well, he goes after her! Not his favorite person.

When he tries to let Anna loose, Elizabeth beats him senseless with a hardwood club!

Alas, it don't end up well for the Creach, he tries to get out of the tomb but stumbles off a step, gets caught up in the hoist chains and then hangs himself!

Dude from India opens a hidden door, and there, are the remains of Countess Irene. She was actually killed by Elizabeth, who also dresses up in armor! Elizabeth used a large crossbow to murder her sister.

Another crossbow was set up to kill Anna this time. When the cute little critters chew through the cord holding the arrow, well, it takes off like a bullet! As fate would have it, Elizabeth just so happens to be in the exact spot to get nailed in the belly, bringing this crazy freak show to an end ~ Join us again Wednesday for more Halloween Countdown treats!

CITTÀ VIOLENTA - "Violent City" (1970)

Tonight's Saturday Night Special is probably the artiest action/adventure flick you'll see lately! It's a strange Italian film directed by Sergio (Devil in the Brain) Sollima called "Città Violenta" or "Violent City" that stars Charles Bronson!

After the success of "The Godfather," "Violent City" was renamed and released as "The Family!"

Charles Bronson was, and has always been, just cool! He doesn't hardly even have to act! He just has to show up, and that's good enough, and better than most! Here's just three reasons why Charles Bronson is a Dungeon Hero, "House Of Wax," "Man With A Camera," and "The Magnificent Seven!"

There's always a girl to blame, and in this case it's Jill (Girls of the Latin Quarter, Jungle Street Girls) Ireland!

I really don't think I would like driving on this road very much!

"Violent City" ain't exactly James Bond, so they spend zero amount of time explaining how gizmos and gadgets work. I don't remember any remote controlled drones being around in 1970, so I'm not sure exactly how he was able to get this view of what was going on at the racetrack!

But he could see good enough to put a slug in this driver's cranium!

In case you failed to notice, the violent city in question is New Orleans!

This is exactly the reflection you don't want to see when looking in a mirror!

Charles Bronson's nemesis in this film is El Pelon Rico Suave himself, Telly (Kojak) Savalas!! Freakin' nice bar buddy!! 

Telly might have left us long ago, but his daughter Ariana still carries the family torch of coolness!

Ariana has been performing with Post Modern Jukebox, and is not only a talented singer but also Hotter than Hell!! And here's a video to prove my point!

Here's a piece of advice for you! Don't fall in love with a hit man, and if you do, don't run out on him!

Charles tramples all over her fashion pictures because he just doesn't care anymore!

Hard to believe that an old paddle wheel can just be abandoned! History, what a pain in the ass!

They make it seem that Telly is about 10 years older than Charles for the plot, but in reality, Charles Bronson was a couple of months older than Telly Savalas!

I would be willing to bet that Charles Bronson speaks less than 1000 words in this movie! Most on his on screen time is just spent looking badass!

You can only fuck with a person for so long! Eventually you're going to have to pay!

The music in "Violent City" was composed by the Maestro Ennio Morricone, and is very cool throughout, so I'm guessing this soundtrack LP would be a pretty good listen, if you could find one!!