TARKAN VIKING KANI - "Tarkan Vs The Vikings" (1971)

Well, you knew it was coming, so it really must be the end of the world, right there in beautiful your area, and you can't get away, straight outta Turkey, it's "Tarkan Vs The Vikings" The music is by nobody in particular, and there's probably not an original note in the whole soundtrack including a snippet of "Also Sprach Zarathustra!" Unmerciless, just like these Vikings!!

Enter Kartal Tibet as the mighty Tarkan, a fierce warrior who loves his dogs!!

What do you think??

I think we got a pretty good candidate for that 'Fool' award, Tarkan, Bilal Inci as the Viking leader Tora! Bilal was actually a pretty good looking dude, kind of a cross between Tom Selleck and Josef Stalin, but with this blonde dye job, and matching purple fuzzy toiletseat cover outfit, he looks the fool allright, and standing next to the vamp stunner Seher Seniz, as Lotus, doesn't help the situation any!!

There's a fire sale in the bathroom accessories department that no decent Viking could resist!!

This film is like one long fight scene with some sex, and some giant octopus scenes thrown in between, just to break up the action, and there is a minimum of three 'hatchet to the head' scenes!

Crap, now I've lost track of which guys are on what side!

It's really difficult to see past this bold fasion statement!!

Tarkan's best friend Kurt goes after Tora's leg!

But with a couple of arrows in Tarkan, and in what is less that a civil society, evil prevails!!

The bastard Tora killed Tarkan's dog Kurt, and is cursed forever and a day!! Tarkan really loved that dog!!

So while Tarkan is getting himself patched up, Mr. Tora and his Viking cronies go and take over another dude named Gero's joint! Gero has this cool giant octopus, and if you bug him, or get under his skin too deep, you just might find your self a sacrifice to the supervisor of the seas!!

Yo, Tora, you can have everything else, but we want the chicks!!

Then Gero's daughter, Eva Bender as the Amazing Amazon Ursula, comes back home to a dead father and a house full of flamboyant Vikings! What's a girl to do?

And the winner of the best "Viking Hat Prize" goes to the bass player from the Finnish death metal band 'Crusader Holocaust!'

Well, I kinda skipped the part at the beginning when the Vikings scored a touchdown by kidnapping the referee, I mean Atilla The Hun's daughter, Priscilla Hun, I mean Yonca, played by yet another Turkish delight named Fatma Belgen! Tarkan has been looking everywhere high and low for her, to no avail, but the one place he forgot to look, was behind him!!! Turk or Treat!!

Despite having sex with, 'Damn, Lotus looks fine,' Tarkan's not about to forget his true mission, defending the honour of his dog! As I said before, he really did love that dog!

Jeez, that's another thing I forgot about, The Chinese are taking over everything, one person at a time!! Oh, man, this is a convoluted story!!

Yonca trips up the action and saves Tarkan's life!

Lotus, despite hanging out with Tora, is actually a secret Chinese agent with a pension for knocking out her lovers, and not just with her looks!

Finally, Tora has both Lotus and Yonca under his control! What a lucky guy!

And Tarkan is the new political sacrifice to the Big "O"!!!

Wait!! Here comes Ursula and her Amazons, back to save the day!

I've got a fun idea, let's drop Yonca into the snake pit, by cutting off her hair by throwing axes one section at a time!! I'm surprised these guys weren't drinking a lot more beer!!

Still can't catch the slippery Tarkan!

There is still plenty enough time to have sex with Lotus again, who is looking better all the time!! From what I can understand, Seher Seniz was a beauty queen type that ended up taking her own life later on. Search her name for photos to see a lot more of her style of seduction!!

Ow!! Yet another hatchet to the cranium!!

The final battle between Tarkan and Tora eventually comes to a not that exciting conclusion!

It's a twofer with "Deathless Devil" and trust me you have nothing to lose, I guarantee!! Until the next time,

İyi Günler!!!

THE LAST DAYS OF PLANET EARTH / Toho - 1974

Wow, what a movie we have today!! It caused tons of controversy at the time as you will notice as you peruse the stills. We were able to get this decent copy of it from TV a few years back. This film is scary, no shit!! Original title is "Nosutoradamusu No Daiyogen" and is obviously based on the phrophecies of Nostradamus.

Tabonga had to renew his copter jock license today, so... I, Rodan, am filling in for the big splinterhead!

Last Saturday Tabonga posted END OF THE WORLD, and, in keeping with that theme, what could be a better follow up?!.. I think, nothing.

After this film's original top grossing release in Japan, it was then banned in the homeland because of two scenes that were reminiscent of the Hiroshima bombing. Toho has since disowned it!! People just can't handle facts and the truth...

Our music composer today is Isao Tomita. Still working today, he had some interesting projects before The Last Day's gig, including SPACESHIP SILICA (TV), ADVENTURES OF SINBAD, WOLVES, PIGS & MEN, SPACE GULLIVER, THE MIGHTY JACK, BLACK LIZARD, MIDAIR CITY 008, BLIND SWORDSMAN'S FIRE FESTIVAL, CLEOPATRA: QUEEN OF SEX, MUTE SAMURAI and RAZOR 2!

So, here's our 'earrific offering' of... THE LAST DAYS OF PLANET EARTH!

Everything starts with scenes familiar today!!

Then, they have to erradicate a new species of a 4' killer slug!!

Fish are mysteriously dying, affecting the fishermen.

Monsterous genetic defects are becoming common.

The creative people get more creative, with cultish overtones.

It snows in Egypt.

Too late to stop the climate change and famine brought on by man's stupidity.

Scientists go to a remote area to find out what happened to a missing expedition and to note anything unusual. One member gets a large parasitic leech on his neck, and within an hour, he goes insane and attacks the others.

Looks like the future's gonna be a barrell full of laughs!

They are then attacked by a horde of slimy mutant freaks and have to seek refuge in a nearby cave...

In the cave, they find a missing colleague, and others, all living hosts for freak plant and animal parasites!!!! Like I said... Barrell full of laughs!

Next thing to happen is a nuclear disaster of biblical proportion.

People are blinded by the intense flash as a huge area of land is scorched.

Here's an interesting pen and ink drawing from Basil Wolverton's 'End Of The World' series he did for the fifties religious publication, The Plain Truth. Quite a similarity!

Worden is right... FTW!!

This group goes out in style, they set themselves on fire at sea.

Others just ride their motorcycles off cliffs banzai style to escape the oncoming destruction.

Things are looking awfully grim...

Then... Retaliation by computers!

Here you go... The new Earth! Have fun, The Donald!!

No, everything's cool, man made it!.. No problemo!

Here's another piece by Basil Wolverton. He's drawn himself as one of the mutant creatures!!

Finally, another drawing from the two-color back cover of Graphic Story Magazine #14.

~ Barrell full of laughs!