LA CASA SPERDUTA NEL PARCO - Riz Ortolani "House On The Edge Of The Park" (1980)

Here's kinda like a little holiday special for you, cranky Dungeon style!

This one's for The Z! Since it's kind of superfluous to talk about films that are turkeys on a day like this, instead you can feast on what I think was the worst film I have seen over the last couple of years since we started this blog! No trimmings! It's not a turkey per se, because even turkeys have redeeming qualities of some moronic bad taste! Not this film, it's just a real piece of crap, and a waste of time, so much, that I had actually chosen not to write about it at all, but I changed my mind so you could enjoy the best one minute and 13 seconds of the whole movie right HERE, and even that is pushing it!

Tomorrow night we're going to go back to 1956 when they really knew how to make movies that were gobblers! Until then..........

EL VAMPIRO / Mexico - 1957

Todays we got a classic B+W Oldie from great year of 1957 and from great body of work from south of the border crew!! The Dungeon love Abel Salazar because of his love for horror cinema! What a good sport he was when he eat some brains behind the partition in THE BRAINIAC, danke schön, Abel!

Even before credit roll, Germán Robles (el Vampiro) start the nightmare rolling. That is one BIG bat, there!!

Eegah!! give us another great lil' soundclip full of mucho screams and intrigue from super awesome composer Mr. Gustavo César Carrión, true master of the macabre, and who also did music for last Saturday' flick, SANTO vs BLACK MAGIC!! Mr. Carrión use 10 different alternative names!!

Lil' Piff the Gnat happily get to push big old red 'GO' button to get thing rolling for you hearing pleasure! So, roll them sounds, Piff!!.. EL VAMPIRO!!

Flick start far, far away from the big city...

Abel Salazar, who play Dr. Enrique, vampire hunter, overhear conversation involving woman in distress (Ariadna Welter) while he waiting at train depot.

He barter for ride with dude carrying big crate, since they going in same direction.

The doc help Marta to her destination, place where she grow up years ago.

One of Tabonga' favorite thing is when door have slot that open up so you can talk to some weirdo on other side! ...Hell, yeah!

Strange thing going on around here and crazy auntie ain't helping!

Time for Count Karol de Lavud to wake up, exit his coffin and check out new crash pad.

When you a vampire, you get help wherever you can. The Count telling them to watch out not to scratch the finish!

Good old Transylvania knowhow, carved with hatchet!!

Nice shot of musty dirt bed in Count de Lavud' coffin!

Dude not taking a siesta!

Abel getting uneasy feeling from Count de Lavud, pretty sure he know who is responsible for recent vampire attack in village!

One more twist on vampire powers!

Proof that Marta is midnight snack for el Vampiro!

Marta notice that she cannot see auntie dear in 'da mirror!

Finally, she succumb to prevailing evil forces at work in the house.

Dude is taking no effing chances when it come to vampire!!!

Time to take the bull by the horns, so to speak!!

Oh crap!! Did I just hear a rooster crow?!

Yes... Yes he did!

CARTES SUR TABLE - Paul Misraki - "Attack Of The Robots" (1964)

"Attack Of The Robots" is an early outing by Jess Franco following on the heels of the Dr. Orloff flicks, that is basically a vehicle that shows off the talents of one Eddie Constantine.

Eddie is not exactly a household name in America, but in Europe, he was essentially, the poor man's Humphrey Bogart! Eddie had swagger, and he used it to good advantage playing tough guys for many years. One of his characters, private dick Lemmy Caution, was reprised many times over the years, starting in the 1953 feature "La môme vert de gris" or "Poison Ivy," all the way to the 1991 film "Allemagne 90 neuf zéro!" Born in Los Angeles, Eddie started off his career as a singer, but it was only in France that he had any results, so it's no wonder he later became a French citizen! Sacrebleu!! Coming soon, "Alphaville!"

Here Eddie faces off with character actor Vicente Roca as Chinese agent Wee Lee. Vicente has a fine list of credits including a role as a mayorial candidate in a film call "Vivi O, Preferibilmente, Morti" or maybe even lesser known as "Sundance Cassidy and Butch The Kid!" Ow!! That smarts!!

Sophie Hardy as Cynthia Lewis is a big distraction to Eddie!!

As is Ricardo Palacios. You might remember Ricardo from his killer role as Sancho Lopez in a later Jess Franco film, "The Blood Of Fu Manchu!"

When you first hear the title "Attack Of The Robots" you naturally assume it's either going to be a Mexican or a Japanese film, but the literal translation would have been something completely different, "Cards On The Table!" So now you know why they are not really robots!

So let's get down to the real nitty gritty! The bad guys and gals make robot(zombie)assassins out of normal every day people, but the only dupes susceptible cannot be + or - blood type, they must be neutral! Then, they put the glasses on them for complete control!

The retired Eddie Constantine as Al Pereira is called in on the case because his blood is neutral!

Two things, Al Pereira wears his hat in about 90% of this movie, and there is also an actor in the film named Al Pereira in the role of a fake Chinese man! Really!! I'm not kidding!

Al shows off for scintillating Françoise Brion as the evil scientific mastermind Lady Cecilia Addington Courtney to no avail!

I don't get it either, I just like this shot for some reason!

The musical genius behind the scene is the Masestro Paul Misraki, a man so beloved in France, he was made Chevalier de la Legion d'Honneur and an Officier des Arts et des Lettres! Paul had been composing since the 30's and wrote the music for not only the 1956 Brigette Bardot film "Et Dieu... Créa La Femme:" or "And God Created Woman" but also "A Dog, a Mouse, and a Sputnik" among some other 130 titles! Sitting in at the piano is of course, who else but Jesus Franco!?!

Mr. One is about to get his ass kicked by Al! Speaking of Al, after undergoing the treatment, the Robots have blackface makeup, and then when they die, they turn white!! Tricky!!

After kicking Mr. One's butt, and getting out of the water with his suit and hat still on, Al puts on Mr. One's Funky glasses. Since Al's blood is also neutral, he falls under the spell and heads back to headquarters, otherwise he wouldn't have known how to get there!!

There's a really big hubbub, Bub, and The Boss gets stuck in the robot making machine for a dose of his own medicine!

By some kind of freakin' miracle, Al and Cynthia escape from the evil scientists, Wee Lee, and Al's old nemesis, Hermes! Some people think this film is a comedy, I just think it's a Jess Franco film!! A distinct category all by itself!!

SANTO vs BLACK MAGIC / Mexico - 1973

Hello everbloody, finally, today, we, the Dungeon gang, bring you extra special Santo flick, film mostly in Haiti! to get realistic voodoo feel... Santo end up with 54 acting credit, first one being SANTO vs THE EVIL BRAIN in 1961, last one "el Puño de la Muerte" in 1982.

Dungeon composer god with 322 composing credit, Gustavo César Carrión, kickin' ass today with heavy pounding guitar theme!! Oh, and, other assorted musical amenities...

Now, the show start rolling as it be Ralphie the Tarantula' turn to be pushin' big old red 'GO' button wunst again, sooooo!.. GO, MAN!!.. BLACK MAGIC MUSIC!

Stills a little blurry, but, not bad for this rare flick!

Bellamira (Sasha Montenegro) is bad lady voodoo preistess, she look so innocent!

She is interested in local Prof. Jordan' super bomb formula and look into magic pool to see that Santo being called into action by Interpol!

Santo arrive in Haiti and is pick up by friend.

They have flat tire in jungle and when Santo turn around!..

He notice they surrounded by big ugly zombies!

What Tabonga can say?.. "Rumble in the jungle!"

Later, Santo has sneaky visit in middle of the night by dubious looking dude! Nice shot of hotel.

Willie Makit??!..

Bellamira entertain the troop as she wheel an' deal for super bomb plan she plan on getting from professor!

Time for a floor show as Santo is looking so very distinguished in white suit!

On other side of the tracks, Bellamira also having a lil' show of her own!!

Professor Jordan die mysteriously, Santo get to help identify body.

Professor Jordan is now zombie and come back to haunt daughter Lorna, who just happen to be Santo' gurlfiend!

Even when on deadly case, there always is time for wrassling!!! Whenever Santo' opponent start cheating, they get it back in spades!

...Phew! Break time!!

Square in the voodoo zone!

BOO-YAH, Y'ALL!!!

The kids in Bristol, are sharp as a pistol, when they do the Bristol Stomp!!

Love deez night time shots!

They take their voodoo serious in Haiti!

Help!.. Somebody?!..

There's a freakin' kid's chair stuck to my ass!.. What the fuck!!

***Here is pic where you can make up funny caption and submit in the 'comments' section below!!.. Have fun!

To settle thing once and for all, Bellamira and Santo both put hand in basket with snake inside and both get bit... But, Santo' nobility prevail, and, Bellamira fall dead!.. Game over.

Even on his way out of town, Santo have to prove he tougher than a pile of zombie!!