MICROWAVE MASSACRE / Reel Life Productions - 1983

Here's a flick that's billed as "The Worst Horror Movie Of All Time!" So, I got this title to see what the Hell they're talking about. When I hear 'worst movie ever,' there's just one that pops into my head, and, that is... THINGS! (We've reviewed it) I use that as my measure for just such claims. This movie is not TWHMOAT, it's simply a big piece of CRAP, or, ABPOC!!! If you think about it, if you make that claim, it will increase sales, jerks! I do like this VHS box art.

Anyway, the story's about Donald, he's fed up with his wife's bad cooking, so, he kills her, puts her is a huge microwave oven, cooks her and turns to cannibalism to satisfy his appetite.

This turkey stars Jackie Vernon (and boobs), Jackie was a stand up comedian discovered by Steve Allen, he only had 16 acting credits and was in THE MONITORS in 1969.

These two chick magnets are idiots you get to enjoys throughout the movie, dude on the left is trying to get a freakin' bugger off his finger, dude on the right is getting his jollies watching!

Here's Donald getting ready for yet another mangled meal, drama...

He sits down with his beautiful wife at the dinner table, what a great way to relax after a day of construction work.

Donald doesn't appreciate his wife's food wizardry, he tells her all about it, and, she dumps the pile of shit on his head!! Love the paper plate...

So then, Donald grabs the giant wooden salt shaker and clobbers the crap out of his beloved!

He pops her into their gigantic microwave oven and turns the damn thing on high!

The best part is the bone marrow, you just suck it right out!

Donald's addicted to microwaved human flesh and must keep his refrigerator stocked, so, he goes out looking for more rump roast, etc!

Donald has the fridge full of female flesh delicacies, his wife's head keeps guard.

He's always looking for new taste treats, like this gal dressed up as a chicken!

His wife's blabbermouth sister shows up, looking for her. Donald ties her up, crams food in her mouth and throws her in a closet to shut her up.

We are two wild and crazy, creeped out guys looking for Donald, where's that tasty grub?!

But, they find the cannibal, dead, just laying there on the floor... What the Hell happened?!!

Before we call the cops, let's grab a bite to eat first...

Believe it or not, his wife's head is responsible for Donald's death, go figure! And, figure on being here on Wednesday when Eegah!! is up to bat...

THE HORROR AT 37,000 Feet - An All-Star TV Movie (1973)

Lynyrd Skynyrd hit #27 on the Billboard charts in 1975 with "Saturday Night Special," but two years earlier there was a TV movie called "The Horror At 37,000 Feet!" Combine the two, and you end up here!

For a TV movie, I'm giving "The Horror At 37,000 Feet" 37 and a half stars because for starters, it was able to keep my attention, which is a major ordeal these daze, and number two, it has a killer cast that would be fun to watch no matter what they were doing!

Just to get started, you've got the amzing Chuck (The Rifleman) Connors as the Captain of this doomed flight!

Who else is on the Who's Who list of passengers on this journey to Hell? How about the incredible Paul (Catfish In Black Bean Sauce) Winfield?

Then there's Roy (The Invaders) Thinnes and Jane Merrow as this happy couple! Among a lot of other things, Jane was a chorus girl in the Herbert Lom version of "The Phantom Of The Opera!"

And Yes......The Shat is back! His significant guitar strummin' other is Lynn (Journey To The Far Side Of The Sun) Loring!

The lovable Buddy Ebsen is a lot grumpier on this flight than he ever was as Jed Clampett!

France (Battle For The Planet Of The Apes) Nuyen just really wants to get home!

H.M. Wynant was in "The Twilight Zone" episode titled "The Howling Man," and is the Co-pilot, and Russell (The Professor on Gilligan's Island) Johnson is the Co-Co-pilot!

The creepy little girl is Mia (Ladies And Gentlemen, The Fabulous Stains) Bendixsen!

Darling Darleen Carr as one of the stewardesses in the white plastic go-go boots and short skirts is the frosting on the cake! Darleen was also the voice of the girl in Disney's 1967 "The Jungle Book!"

As you can see the roster of talent here is first string and top shelf, like here in the background are Will (Sugarfoot) Hutchins and Tammy (Can't Stop The Music) Grimes! 
I just love this fustercluck of horror shot!

 There is some scary going on too!!

Okay, we've got a big scary mess on our hands, so what are we going to do about it Bill?

 

In The End, the pizza is burnt........

.......and The Shat just has to go!!

Anything else you want to know you can figure out for yourself, because you can watch it at your leisure for free on YouTube right here:

"The Horror At 37,000 Feet"
Have a Nice Day!!

POPEYE THE SAILOR In "Ghosks Is The Bunk" / Fleischer Studios - 1939

Time for a Popeye cartoon, here's a great little episode that goes like this... Olive reads a ghost story to Popeye and Bluto, Popeye gets scared so Bluto leaves Olive's house and rigs a haunted hotel. Bluto lures them there with a phone call and has a bunch of creepy surprises set up and ready to go.

Olive, Popeye and Bluto are having a quiet evening at home, Olive reads ghost stories to the boys and at one scary part, Popeye ducks under the couch! Olive and Bluto can't stop laughing at the silly sailor, so, Bluto comes up with a wild idea.

He grabs his box of tricks and heads off to a haunted hotel!..

After Bluto gets everything set up, he calls Olive's house and leaves a dire message and tells them to hurry over to the haunted place.

After Popeye fails to push the door open, he gets a running start, and of course, the door opens and he crashes into a desk and gets his head stuck! Then, Olive comes in, the door slams shut and she tries to open it to no avail.

Bluto has an invisible bell hop rigged up, he puts a rock in the glove and whacks Popeye a goodern after he takes a swing at the thing!!

There's the old escalator stairs that flatten out, so, Popeye and Olive slide down to the bottom after trying like Hell to get to the top!

Popeye and Olive hear some laughing and discover Bluto behind the stairs, pulling his tricks. Then, Popeye pulls the same trick on Bluto, who then gets creeped out himself!

Popeye spots a bucket of invisible paint and gets a swell idea!...

Bluto thinks a ghost is after him, he grabs the invisible fighter and slams him to the ground.

Popeye pulls out his trusty can of spinach and sends Bluto home with his tail between his legs!

Popeye grabs some paint remover and douses himself, becoming visible. Olive plays a trick by hitting him while she's still invisible, but, Popeye smacks her good and after he uses the paint remover on her, she chases him home! Tomorrow is Saturday, look for something special, over!