REEL HORROR / The Movie Outfit - 1985

I don't know where to start with this excuse for entertainment, but, we can only blame lame-o Ross Hagen and his pals (the executive producers were women) for this piece-o-crap from New Shitzville... I couldn't resist the 5 cent price tag on Amazon and since I love the lure of unknown atrocities, I got a copy. All I can say is, dude... PHEW-EEEEEEE!!!

Here's the list of stars that appear in this flick, in mini versions of a number of obscure films they appeared in... Catherine Bach, Victor Buono, Leslie Caron, John Carradine, Wally Cox, Christopher George, Ross Hagen, Nancy Kwan, Mark Lawrence, Julie Newmar, Donald Pleasence, Jennifer Rhodes, Katharine Ross, Talia Shire, Vic Tayback, Joe Turkel, Jesse Vint, Ultra Violet, Robert Walden and Carmen Zapata!

Eegah!! sent over a soundclip of the sing-along tune from this stink bomb for us to marvel at, sooooo, you can push the big red 'GO' button there next to the febreze air freshner, NOW, Rufus The Gnat! Here's our audio offering for... REEL HORROR!

The storyline goes something like this... Evil spirits emerge from film canisters in an old movie theater and terrorize a neighborhood! To break up the boredom during the showing of the movies, our hosts delivery a ton of intermittent stupidity in between! This carpet chewer is meant to rip off Grandpa. Lame.

Then, there's the audience watching the train wreck. They act stupid 107% of the time.

They mime singing along to the lame sing-along song heard in the soundclip! I showed these stills to illustrate the continuing lameness.

One segment stars Donald Pleasence, where he captures a leopard in the jungle and it leads to his family's demise...

Now, this guy's got some problems, that's a manikin he's making out with. A moment from now, he stabs it!

Anyway, bikers kidnap some girls for fun, but, both bad guys kill each other in a knife fight!

One segment has to do with butcher shop horror, what else?

One segment has to do with this guy and that stuff! Who cares, Ross Hagen!!

At this point, our hosts decide to have a lame seance, ho-hum.

This lil' movie's all about sloppin' da hogs! Something similiar with the compositions of those last two stills...

IL MARCHIO DI KRIMINAL - "We Are Waiting For You" (1968)

Say hey to all you cool cats and kitties, this week's installment of Wild and Weird Wednesday is part deuce in the "Kriminal" series, "Il Marchio Di Kriminal," aka, "The Mark Of Kriminal!"

Like I've said many times before, it's pretty tough to come up with anything totally new and original talking about movies any more, so if you want to read a real in depth and lucid review of "Il Marchio Di Kriminal," head on over to The Lucid Nightmare!

I don't know how they get away with it, but if you want to watch a full decent quality version of this film in Italian, then check out THIS! The fences are down, it's a free concert, and it's nuckin' futs!!

As previously established, Kriminal, as played by Glen Saxson is a character from the comics! Playing both sides of the fence, he's more bad than good! I wonder if there's some deep roots that would divulge that he is actually related to The Seeds' vocalist, the amazing Sky Saxon!

The authorities of the world are without a doubt, pushing Kriminal too hard! The music in this film is pretty cool as it is in most Italian 60's films, and it was created by the legendary Manuel (Mr. X, Satanik) Parada! Here's a tasty morsel for you to digest with your choice of some Black Mountain Cabernet, some Cabrito Reposado, or a big fat one! The choice is yours!

There is actually very little on screen time devoted to Kriminal in kostume, but when there is, it is generally very creepy!

Kriminal has cojones the size of meatballs when he goes to the wedding of his arch nemesis Inspector Milton in disguise and delivers a very special wedding present!

You would of thought it was true love forever, but when Kriminal's girlfriend Janet double crosses him, he has no scruples about electrocuting her ass in the bathtub! (Okay, give him a break, she WAS going to poison him!!!)  Evi Rigano as Janet was in "The Three Fantastic Supermen" as Natascia, and was also one of the victims in "The 10th Victim!"

So, whose gonna be the next in line, who'll be the next in line for heartaches? Who'll make the same mistakes I made over you? The devine Helga Line, that's who!

Yet another amazing disguise!

"Cercate" translates  roughly to the lyrics of one of The Coasters' greatest hits, "Searchin!"

And "scherza" translates to joke, play, jest, wanton, kid, frolic, dally, trifle, coquet, you get the idea!!!!

Andrea (Danger: Diabolik) Bosic as Inspector Milton finally gets the last laugh as Kriminal goes off a cliff in a ball of flames and glory!

But the Devils get the truly last laugh when they say to Kriminal, "Ti Aspettavamo" - "WE ARE WAITING FOR YOU!" They've got a hot seat saved for him!!! Personally, I don't think it's too late for at least one more sequel!

THE HOUND OF THE BASKERVILLES / Hammer Film Productions - 1959

It's Hound From Hell Monday with Tabonga, here at The Dungeon!.. This is a great little Hammer film that was one of the first horror movies Eegah!! and I saw together at the movies after we became pals in 6th grade. If there's one thing Hammer delivers, it's definitely thrills!..

Eegah!! sent over a soundclip from this fun flick for our listening enjoyment, sooooo, you can push the big red 'GO' button there next to the boiler room door, NOW, Ralphie The Tarantula! Here's our audio offering for... THE HOUND OF THE BASKERVILLES!

Seriously, this fucker here's the despicible, sadistic Sir Hugo Baskerville, he's the one who brings the Curse of the Baskervilles to his family (as heard in the soundclip)! In the little time he's on the screen, he shows just what too much money and power can do to a little bitch! He has just murdered a girl for making him look like a fool in front of his jerk friends, then, he screams like a little girl when the Hound from Hell gets him!

Here's Peter Cushing as Sherlock Holmes, Francis De Wolff as Dr. Mortimer, André Morell as Dr. Watson and Chris Lee as Sir Henry Baskerville, what a bunch of acting talent in one spot!

This may be the textbook example of ~ Bonnie Lass!

Dr. Watson gets off the beaten path and into some quicksand while exploring the scruffy countryside.

Holmes had been pretending to be away, tending to other matters but was actually hiding in the moors, observing things from there. He's smarter the the average bear!

Classic portrait of Peter...

Holmes has a flair for the dramatic!

In a thrilling moment, Holmes is nearly run over by an ore cart that then causes the mine to collapse on him! After trying to rescue Holmes, the others find him waiting for them in the carriage, and, he got hurt pretty bad.

Sir Henry finally realizes that he has been played the fool by his lover, Cecile, and, he's on the devil dog's menu!

It was all a hoax kept alive by Sir Henry's neighbors, for revenge concerning land rights. The dog wore a mask to make it appear like a monster mutt!

And, Cecile meets her demise in one of the quicksand pools! The dog had just killed her father before it was shot by Holmes.

GAMERA TAI DAIMAJU JAIGA - Shunsuke Kikuchi - "Gamera Vs Monster X" (1970)

Okay, we've been doing this non-stop just shy of 6 years now, so all good things have to come to an end some time, and what I'm talking about is that we've finally run out of Gamera films! We've seen Gamera vs Gaos, Zigra, Guiron, Viras, Bargugon, and finally tonight Jiger, also known as Monster X!

Since it's a party of sorts, here's two different looks at the title card! The music for this fantastic tale of awe and wonder was created by the Masestro Shunsuke Kikuchi of "Red Dead Wagon," "Dragon Ball," and "Dragon Ball Z" fame!

It's 1970 and welcome to Expo 70, also known as The World's Fair! Here's three stunning examples of the modern architecture unveiled at Expo 70!

On the other side of somewhere, Jiger, or as he's sometimes known, Giger has come back to life, and he wants to play!

The freedom fighting Gamera decides to literally take the bull by the horn!

Unfortunately Jiger has different ideas!

The puny useless humans cower at the might of the World Champion monster Jiger!

Gamera gets flipped on his back, and takes a spear delivered by Jiger in each of his arms and feet! Being a turtle, no matter what size you are, getting flipped over onto your back can become a devastating uncool experience!

Time to try and send in the big guns to no avail!

Jiger fries a few worthless human bystanders!

Of course there is always a chance for hope once spoiled rotten children get involved!

Gamera gets injected with a nefarious solution of Jiger Juice that renders him almost completely useless, and a plan is developed to fix it!

"We all live in a yellow submarine!"

Once inside Gamera via the yellow sub, the kids encounter little baby Jigers creating all kinds of problems, so they dispose of them straightaway!

After he recovers, Gamera can't take it anymore, so he plugs his ears!

After much turmoil, Gamera skewers Jiger with a broken idol, and once again, the world is a safe place to live, saved by the almighty and benevolent flying turtle Gamera!