Monday, November 22, 2021

NIGHT GALLERY / "Hell's Bells" - 1971

Here's a wild tale starring our favorite wild man, John Astin, as hippie Randy Miller, who finds out that Hell isn't what he thought it'd be...

We start with someone driving 90 miles an hour through the woods at night.

That someone is hipster Randy Miller, we see him push the gas pedal all the way to the floor as he sits calmly behind the wheel.


And he runs off the road and rolls down a hill, then his car explodes, killing him.

On the way to wherever he's going from there, monster heads harass him and one of them swallows him down...

He slides down a chute and ends up in a waiting room!

A woman pops in to pick up the gum wrapper he threw on the floor. He asks her.. Lady, what's going on around here? She answers him with with an angry voice... Go through that door when the sign says 'next' and, MY NAME IS FAT LADY!! She disappears.

As he's waiting for his turn, Randy tries to imagine what Hell's like with visions of the underworld filling his head, and he says.. What a trip!!

Finally, the 'next' sign signals that Randy's up to bat.

As he enters, he notices that it's an old fashioned room with a fireplace, chairs and lots of wallpaper on the walls.

He sees a record player and puts a tune on, hoping to hear his band's song or some current hits, but it plays old swing tunes! The hipster tries to turn it off but it just keeps playing the old tunes, much to his displeasure!

He sits down by an old gentleman and asks him.. Hey, did you hear about the Beatles breaking up? Bummer! And the old man replies.. We use arsenic on them, it works great!

Then he just smiles back at Randy.

Then this couple is ready to start showing 8,500 slides from their last vacation!

Randy is totally confused. The devil pops in and Randy wants to know where in the Hell's the action, what he's experiencing so far is just plain... BORING!!

The devil informs Randy that in heaven, they have exactly the same thing there, it's just a matter of what individuals consider their heaven and Hell! Then the devil leaves.

The couple, with glee, start their slide show of their vacation, explaining what's going on with each slide they put up...

Needless to say, Randy is in his own personal Hell, an afterlife of BOREDOM!! I can identify with that!! We love John Astin!!!

1 comment:

Realm Of Retro said...

Hilarious stack of Lawrence Welk Lp's that reach the ceiling!

In "Phantom Of What Opera?" the studio techs made Leslie Nielsen's mask out of too-thin latex, you can see him clearly struggling to breath.

Monster Music

Monster Music
AAARRGGHHH!!!! Ya'll Come On Back Now, Y'Hear??