Monday, December 14, 2009


"ALPHAVILLE"!! This ain't George Jetson's future, it's..........

Lemmy Caution's, and there ain't no flyin' cars neither!!

It's Eddie Constantine as Lemmy Caution in a dark and grimy future world of dames, booze, cigarettes, and planetary mysteries!!

Director Jean-Luc Godard's vision of the future was stark and realistic! Look around you, it's almost 2010 now, does it look like the future envisoned by most authors?! No, but they did have a cool looking futuristic jukebox in that slimey dive, and all the women are marked with numbers, easier to keep track of them that way, I guess!

Lemmy had just got to Alphaville from The Outlands, and was trying to unwind, and he's already got an intruder in his room that he has to dispose of!

Lemmy is here to see who he thinks is the Boss, Howard Vernon as Professor Leonard Nosferatu Von Braun!! We've written about Howard Vernon before because, when you need an evil doctor or professor, he's the man to call, whether it's Dr. Mabuse or Dr. Orloff or Professor Von Braun, he's the epitome of Evil, Evil, Evil!!!

See! It's the future! You can tell if you look in the right places!!

This gal must be a real tart, she's wearing her serial number right out front where everybody can see it!! Woo Woo!!!

In the future, Illogical behavior like crying gets you executed, and then stabbed to death by bathing beauties as a performance piece for the big shots!

Lemmy needs to talk to The Boss real bad!

But his efforts are thwarted by a couple of thugs, and he gets interrogated by The Real Boss, Mr. Alpha 60, the computer with the most annoying voice since David Bowie's "Laughing Gnome!"

Even this part made Lemmy laugh, these two evil Professor's names are Eckel and Jeckel. Hell, I'm laughing even as I write it!!

Lemmy's love interest is Anna Karina as Natacha von Braun. She is also numbered but has never met her famous father, as far as she knows!!

You get the picture! In the future, there is no such thing as love or art, or poetry, or free thinking unless you're the one in charge!!! Wait a minute, what year was this? 1965? Gee whiz, it really is the future! Help, Mr. Wizard!!!

Okay, that's enough already with the philosophy, time for Lemmy to kick some superiority complex ass!

Oh, so sorry Mr. Big Shot, was that your head??

The stark, harsh and very repetitive soundtrack was composed by Paul Misraki, another French composer we've talked about recently, who composed music for 130 movies stretching from 1931 to 1993. Man some of these musical cats are just too much! Aie pitié!!


RODAN! said...

It doesn't get any better than... Professors Eckel and Jeckel!!

Prof. Grewbeard said...

damn, you topped yourself with this one- Most Beautiful Post Award!...

it's funny though, i actually prefer the dubbed version. Lemmy's dialogue works better in English, i think. "You shoulda called it 'Zeroville'!..."

Lemmy Caution said...

Holy smokes....LOVE this post, for what I'm sure are obvious reasons!

Eegah!! and Tabonga! said...

Grewbeard - Hey, thanx for the ultimate compliment, but I'm actually going to try and top it on Friday!

Lemmy - Thanx for checkin' in, and glad you dug it! Just like you, our aim is true!!

Greg Goodsell said...

My favorite alternate title for this was TARZAN VS. IBM!

Monster Music

Monster Music
AAARRGGHHH!!!! Ya'll Come On Back Now, Y'Hear??