THE GHOST SHIP / MYSTERY TERROR! - 1943

Here's one I recorded off TCM like 8 years ago, the story goes like this... Tom Merriam signs onto the cargo ship Altair as the third officer under Captain Stone. At first things seem normal, the Captain looks at Merriam as a younger version of himself, and the young man sees Stone as the first adult to ever treat him as a friend. But after two very strange deaths of crew members, Merriam begins to think that Stone is a psychopathic madman obsessed with authority (whoa, timely!). He tries to inform other crew members (but no one will listen to him) and this makes Captain Stone very angry..

This one stars Richard (RKO superstar, father of Robert) Dix, Russell (THE BODY SNATCHER) Wade, Ben (THE LEOPARD MAN) Bard, Edmund (THE CURSE OF THE CAT PEOPLE) Glover and Skelton (MASTER MINDS) Knaggs - Man, you gotta love Skelton, he basically replaced Dwight Frye's type character in the forties. He died at age 43.

Tom Merriam is on his way to join the crew on the Good Ship Lollipop, Err, the Altair 4... Anyway, before he boards the vessel, he has a friendly chat with a blind vendor. The man tells him that the Altair is a cursed ship, and that he should think twice before it takes off. Tom thinks the guy's a little strange and heads off to the ramp.

Before they even they shove off (you shove off!) someone is missing from the roll call. That's because he's lying there dead for some reason... Sorry dude, it's time for us to shove off now!

Out at sea, the ship encounters a storm. The huge iron hook was not tied down even though the Captain was warned of an approaching storm, so, a few men are ordered to secure it however possible! Well, the hook crashes into one of the lifeboats, knocking it off the ship, and the men barely escape injury before it's secured!

Tom and the Captain have a little chat about the incident. Tom learns that the man in charge has some issues with his authority, but he's not convinced that the Captain's a bad guy, yet.

One of the crew gets appendicitis and two of the men have to play doctor as Sparks, the radio operator, relays instructions on how to remove it from a surgeon!

Tom has a heart to heart with Sparks, and even though there's a lot of evidence the Captain may be a murderer, the third officer still doesn't want to think the Captain would ever do that.

One crewman had words with the Captain, and the Captain told him that everthing's cool, but that, you know, other captains might hold it against him. So, the guy is in the chain storage chamber with the door open so he can get out before the last of the chain is in place...

Captain Stone just happens to be wandering by, and shuts the door!!

Tom basically catches the Captain in the act and tells the sicko that he murdered the man!

Tom quits and wants the Captain to drop him off at the nearest port! Stone says sure, no problem, but remember that other captains might hold something like this against you. Of course the Captain was putting on an act and threatens Tom with a gun!

Skelton (real name) plays Finn, a mute, who's the pint sized hero in this story. He finds a telegram from the captain that states a big lie to the authorities about the deaths. Boy, this sounds sooooo damn familiar!!

Tom has it out with the Captain after Sparks is found dead. He then tries to strangle the Captain until some crewmen take him away.

In this scene, it's evident that Stone is totally insane...

Tom has been tied down, drugged and muzzled. And just as he's ready to be stabbed to death by the crazed Captain, Finn shows up, just in the nick of time!!

The little guy is wiry as Hell and gives the Captain a run for his money.

The murderer is taken out by his own blade and brings the story to a happy ending. Speaking of endings, this post ends the most insane June I've ever lived through. Join us Wednesday as we begin probably another crazy month, here at The Dungeon!!..

UFO - "Identified" (1970)

 This week I've got a real Saturday Night Special for you, and it's loaded and ready to go!

 "UFO" was a British TV show that was on for one season from 1970-71.

The first episode was titled "Identified."

 Gerry and Sylvia Anderson were projecting ten years into the future!

So sit back and just imagine how the world was supposed to be exactly forty years ago!

They might have got a couple of things wrong!

 First off, the future, I mean the past, is all about sex, and I've got evidence to back up this theory!

Nine years later and Sid Vicious was dead! Was it irony or prophecy?

You tell me! He was from Space you know!

 One of the earliest first person shooter games, "DOOM" didn't come out until some 23 years later!

 I never was quite sure why the Andersons thought the cars of the future should all look like Studebaker Avanti variations!

So here's the deal, forty years ago, there was a secret force that kept the Earth safe from UFO's.

The weird part is that most of the time they refer to them as 'you-fos' not 'you eff ohs!' That part takes a little getting used to.

 So that's basically the whole show in a nutshell!

 When they're not having to deal with UFO's, then it's just .......

 ......Sex......

 ......Sex.............

 .............And more Sex!

  Got any complaints? Talk to the Manager!

 Booze vending machines rock!

 These two guys just figured out that in retrospect, forty years ago compared to the present day, wasn't that bad after all!

Thanks Gerry and Sylvia! The world needed that!

THE LAST OMEGA MAN ON EARTH / Frank Dietz - Monster Kid Home Movies - 1975

So, it's the end of the world and Robert is out walking his dog on a nice summer day...

Oh and, uh, he's the last man on Earth you know. Hey, wonder what he's looking at?

Even though he's the last man on Eatrh and all, that doesn't mean he's freakin' alone!!

And, we finally get to the title card. We've already reviewed another Frank Dietz Monster Kid Home Movie called THE LIGHTHOUSE, a scene taken from Harryhausen's THE BEAST FROM 20,000 FATHOMS.

Well, the place looks abandoned, but I don't think the traffic lights would still be working!

Anyway, Robert has an interesting way of attracting the undead vampires. He eats Cheerios in the front yard and when one of them varmints comes along, he just pulls out his rifle and shoots them! That bed sheet is too clean for my liking.

He also likes to go to the park and hunt down vampires, I mean like, what else is there to do?!

Robert goes home to find the Cheerio mutant in his house. He shoots him a number of time but the guy just laughs at him!

So, it's simply a game of checkers to see who will win the fight for the fate of the world!!..

I'll give you one guess as to who wins the match.

What is Robert to do except become one of THEM!! It figures. Join us again tomorrow when Eegah!! brings the goods as we end another month of craziness, here at The Dungeon!!

13 SHOWS I'LL PROBABLY NEVER GET AROUND TO WATCHING! (1964 - 2003)

 I've spent a lot of time over the years rooting around on the internet trying to find new and interesting movies and TV shows to present to you here. With the help of  Lord Litter in Germany, and The Internet Archive, I'm running out of hard drive space. A lot of the shows we've found are really bad VHS copies, and some I'm just not really interested in, so I'm deleting them to free up some space, but just for the Heck of it, I've saved the title cards, so for your entertainment, here's Tonight's bit of Wednesday Weirdness!

To start off with, "Alien Lover" was an episode of a 1975 TV show called "The Wide World Of Mystery."

 "Alien Nation" was a TV show that was on for one season in 1989-90.

 "Alien  Private Eye" was a movie that came out in 1989!

 Even though the 2007 film "Balls Of Fury" had Christopher Walken and Terry Crews in it, I've got better things to do!

 I'm kind of glad this psychopath film "Bits & Pieces" from 1985 is a horrible copy!

 "Encounter With The Unknown" was a trilogy from 1972 narrated by Rod Serling. This copy was almost unwatchable, and if I really want to watch it, I'll just watch it on Amazon.

 I'd actually like to see this 1964 film titled "For Those Who Think Young" starring James Darren and Pamela Tiffen. It even has Bob Denver performing a song called "Ho Daddy," but this was also a terrible copy! Sometimes that's what you get for free! This one can also be viewed on Amazon, so I might get around to that some day!

 The 1996 movie "Generation X" was about a group of young mutants! 

This copy was pretty mutated too, and basically not watchable!

 "Land Of  Doom" was a 1986 West German film about a post nuclear war society or the lack thereof!

 This 1990 film called "Quick Change" starred Bill Murray. There is no way I could sit through this one, the quality was so bad!

 This 1972 TV movie called "The People" had Kim Darby, Diane Varsi, and William Shatner in it, but this washed out VHS copy of a copy wasn't worth trying to view!

 The 2003 film "The Singing Detective" featured Robert Downey Jr. and Mil Gibson. I'll probably never try and find a good copy!

And last on this list of thirteen is a 1980 title that reminds me of what happens to me when I try and watch horrible copies of crappy movies, "The Sleep Of Death" creeps in!

So that's it. 

IF one of these is your favorite films, then let me know, and maybe I'll reconsider it!!