THE CURSE - "A Tale Of Crops, Creatures And Carnage" (1987)

Welcome to the Independence Day edition of Weird Wednesday in The Dungeon!

Tonight's fiery display was made in 1987 and was called "The Curse!" It's loosely based on the brilliant H.P. Lovecraft's "The Colour Out of Space."

My adventure with "The Curse" was cursed from the start when the movie stopped playing with 19 minutes left to go. Finally, by using a different media player, I was able to also see the ending. The Director of the film is a man who is known more as an actor, the hard working David (Clown Hunt, Daredevil) Keith! David just finished one film, has one in post-production, and has one in pre-production!

Water! One of, if not the, most important element in our lives!

Without an ample supply of good clean water, as a society, we're screwed!

This family's water supply is about to become contaminated. They're screwed! 

The Father is Claude Akins. Claude only lived to be 67 but racked up 231 credits during that time that included two "Twilight Zone" episodes, "The Monsters Are Due On Maple Street," and "The Little People." The oldest son is Malcom (Godzilla: The TV Series) Danare. Steve (The Mutilator) Davis is Mike, the hired hand. The Mother is Kathleen Jordon Gregory is her sole outing. The Daughter is Amy (Freaks and Geeks) Wheaton, and the brother is Amy's real-life brother Wil (Stand By Me, Toy Soldiers) Wheaton.

It has a great look to it, and I found "The Curse" to be vaguely interesting, but mostly neither fish nor flesh! Even though he only gets credits as Associate Producer, this movie has Lucio Fulci's signature written all over it.

Besides the whole water problem, the family has other difficulties! The husband is so religious, he only believes it's proper to have sex when the man institutes it. This leads his wife to be unfaithful, and you really can't blame her, until she gets caught!

As Creedence said, "It came outta the sky!"

They all feel lucky that this thing from space is not radioactive, but in reality, radioactivity would be much better than what they're going to end up with!

Looks like a giant bocce ball court!

The ball from space contaminates all the water on the farm. It kills the plants, but before they die, they produce large and succulent looking fruits and vegetables, but the insides are either rotten or full of blood or other oozing nasty shit!

The Doctor is too busy to get too involved until it's too late! His wife keeps him kind of busy. The Doctor is Cooper (Pee-Wee's Big Holiday) Huckabee, and his gorgeous wife is Miss Cowboy USA 1987, Hope North!

Something gross, and an apology to all our vegetarian friends!

Beautiful bountiful crop of apples this year!

I didn't ask for any protein with my fruit!

Mom, you don't look so great!!
 I think you can see where this is going!

No matter where you live, Happy Independence Day, Happy 4th of July!!!!

VAMPYROS LESBOS / A Psycho-Sexadelic Horror Freakout! - 1971

Here's a West German/Spain production directed by Jess Franco, the story goes like this... In Istanbul, lawyer Linda Westinghouse is having erotic dreams, a strange woman has been in them every night. Her analyst suggests she find a new lover. Linda is there, assigned to resolve an inheritance issue with the Hungarian Countess Nadine Oskudar, who has recently inherited some real estate from Count Dracula!! Linda leaves her boyfriend Omar at the Istanbul Hilton and decides to go to Kadidados Island. While waiting for transportation, she's advised by locals that the island would be a place of death and insanity if she went there! She pays no attention to them and meets with Countess Oskudar on the island, who's a lesbian vampire fascinated by Linda. The Countess ends up drinking some of Linda's blood and now Linda has amnesia, so, she's sent to a mental institution where Dr, Steiner, an expert on vampires, treats her...

It stars Soledad Miranda as the Countess, Ewa Strömberg as Linda, Dennis Price as the analyst and Paul Muller as Dr. Steiner. Jess Franco has 178 writing credits, 204 directing credits, 101 acting credits, 72 composer credits, 47 editing credits, 31 producer credits, 25 credits for cinematographer and the list goes on!! Whotta guy!

This whole thing starts with a scene at a high falootin', night club (my copy was in German so don't be looking for lots of detail). Anyway, there's this Psycho-Sexadelic Horror Freakout! on the stage... Sooo Euro!! I mean, I like it and everything, it's just so kitschy weird for a stage act! The crowd responds with fervent hand clapping.

Back to the story, well, Linda goes exploring the new home of the Countess, the house that Dracula previously lived in!.. She sees something no human wants to see!.. Yeah, that's right, you got it pal... Freakin' Bloodsuckers!!

Anyway, Linda and the Countess spend the day getting to know each other, they run around on the beautiful beach for awhile...

But, they get down to business after the sun goes down. Hey, wait a ding-danged minute here, how the F did the Countess spend the day in the sun if she's a damn dracula?!!

So, Linda wakes up the next day with amnesia, now, she doesn't even know any better than to sleep on the floor nude!!

I like this picture, love to see shots of interesting buildings and areas around the world!

There's just always something weird going on...

I'd feel like a jerk if I didn't include this shot of the gorgeous stairwell, wow!

The Countess gets Linda to drink more blood (big glass!) while another girl gets turned on by that silly little clown lamp!.. Maybe it vibrates, freakin' Euro!

So, Dr. Steiner and his hot assistant have to deal with Linda while she stays under the doc's care, she's fairly psycho... Great shadows!

But, one of the doctor's workers turns against him because he's actually working for the Countess. The doc becomes just another casualty as the vampires try and take over!

Everything turns out fine, Linda's boy friend saves her and stabs the Countess in the eye with a knitting needle, taking her out!!

Well, that's all folks, and, good night Everbloody!.. Eegah!! is up on the 4th!

MUÑECOS INFERNALES - "The Curse Of The Doll People" (1961)

It's time for another Saturday Night Special in The Dungeon, and what I have for you is a 1961 classic from South of the border, so grab that bottle of "Exotico" and vomonos!

The original title was "Muñecos Infernales," which translates to Devil Dolls, or Hellish Dolls, but the A.P. release was called "The Curse Of The Doll People!"

There's more than one thing weird about "The Curse Of The Doll People" because as you can see here, it plainly states that the English version was "Produced by K. Gordon Murray," but nowhere on the IMDB page for the schlockmeister Murray is this movie listed, and if you look up the movie, there's no mention of K. Gordon Murray!

You just can't go wrong with a swingin' sixties bar at home like this!

What a happy couple they were! You noticed I said were, right? It's all downhill from here! Straight down to Hell! This is a movie that just comes out and tells you that you should pick good friends or your life can turn into a living horror story! These two are Ramón Gay as Dr. Armando Valdés, and Elvira Quintana as Karina! Ramón was only 42 when he was shot and killed by Evangelina Elizondo's enraged husband in 1960, and that pretty much ended his career!

This group of friends have all gotten together for a confession. Some of these guys, even though they were warned, stole an ancient artifact, and are now the subject of a voodoo curse that is set to start at midnight! Karina is also a doctor, and knows all about the customs of voodoo and black magic! She advises everybody that they have done a very bad thing, but they all scoff at the notion.

This little critter is what all the commotion is about, and this is a very serious curse, not only are the people involved going to die, but also every member of their families!

Bingo, it's midnight, and the first mysterious murder starts right on time!

"Curse Of The Doll People" is not really that bad, but I did have a few moments like this at the beginning! It might have had something to do with the Tequila!

First off, I don't like dolls, period! They are creepy! These dolls are even creepier than creepy, and they carry little needle knives around to poke you with!

Aw, ain't that cute? These people are sick!

When the dolls are sent to steal back the statue it's a crackup because the poor little fellers can't reach it because it's on the top shelf, so they have to move a table so they can get to it!

Seriously, how would you feel if somebody sent you this awful Bela Lugosi doll!

Like, Yuck, Yecch!

Then the little bugger comes and pokes you in the neck with his little pincushion knife!

The is Zandor, the voodoo priest, the evil Geppetto! Zandor was played by Quintín (Isle Of The Snake People) Bulnes, and I think when they remake this movie some day, they should get Benedict Timothy Carlton Cumberbatch to play this role!

That's one effective way to deal with the little shits! Then, set them on fire!

People are dying left and right, so Karina sneaks into Zandor's place to find out more information!

Zandor has a pretty cool pad that has a lot of wild sculptures he bought off eBay from Tabonga! The pre-disco ball adds that extra special touch!

This is Zandor's zombie delivery boy! He's the one who has been bringing the deadly dolls to their dreadful destinations!

Because of Zandor's amazing hypnotic powers, nothing can stop the dolls, not bullets or burning torches. They just keep on coming!

And when nothing else works, hit 'em where it hurts!

Take that you evil little bastards!!!