THE PIT - "Teddy" (1981)

"The Pit!" Jeezz.......so weird, but not really in a good way! Welcome to another Weirdass Wednesday in The Dungeon! You might want to tighten up your straitjacket a notch for this one!

In this Canadian film, they can't figure out if the story is about a 12 year old pervert, or a bunch of troglodyte monsters living in a hole! It's from 1981, but looks like 1970, and seriously WTF!?

 Tomorrow's the first day of Summer 2018, so who needs the weekend, let's get this party started!

 Everybody's going to be there!

Sammy Snyders is Jamie Benjamin, a distracted kid with an overzealous libido! Sammy was Tom Sawyer in a 1980 TV series for 26 episodes, and he made one more appearance after "The Pit" and never looked back!

Jamie Benjamin is a twisted little kid who can't seem to get women off of his mind!

He does cutouts from nude art books he gets from the library, and pastes the faces of ladies he knows on them!

Jamie's parents are going out of town, and when the new babysitter comes over to have a meal, Jamie drops his napkin, just so he can get this view!

Oh yeah, and his best friend is this toy bear with the original name Teddy, and the reason for the alternative title of this movie! They actually converse, and Teddy has a dirty mind too!

Besides acting, Jeannie Elias as Sandy the gullible babysitter, has been busy for some 30+ years doing cartoon and video game voices. She was Margaret on 78 episodes of "Dennis the Menace," and her voice credits go everywhere imaginable from Princess Toadstool to Pugsley Addams! Sandy drives Jamie crazy, and he thinks he's in love with her. Her dressing like this when she goes to check on him doesn't help matters much!

Wow! I forgot all about those two tone Webers!

But wait, this movie is called "The Pit," not the little pervert, so where's the pit? Is it an olive pit, or an arm pit, or maybe Brad Pitt? Oh, here it is, a hole out in the forest somewhere that's gotta smell like something that rhymes with spit!

Pretty dang nice looking Chevy ragtop!

Jamie's back up to his tricks again!

After Jamie discovers the hungry critters down in the hole, and then finds out they like meat, he starts stealing Sandy's money and going to the butcher shop to buy meat for them and tossing it down into the pit! When he runs out of money, he tries to steal this cow!

Sometimes, "The Pit" is almost slapstick, like when the pervert kid is wheeling the Grannie in her wheelchair out to the pit to feed the little buggers. It's like "The Little Shop Of Horrors" meets "The Keystone Kops!" "The Pit" takes more than a little bit from "The Little Shop Of Horrors" as it's a story about monsters with an insatiable taste for meat and a lamebrain's efforts to feed them, and that's where all the murder and mayhem begins!

Jamie's pushing everybody he doesn't like into the pit, and then Sandy falls in accidentally. After that all the monsters escape and go on a rampage through the country leaving a trail of bodies like this!

Like really none of it makes one iota of sense!

The monsters are chased back into the hole, and.....

.......The local townspeople take care of the rest of the cleanup business!

I always try to give people credit just for trying, but it's pretty difficult for me to do with "The Pit!" Besides everything else, "The Pit" is agonizingly slow at times! It's 96 minutes long, but I'm sure if they just cut out about an hour and a half, it wouldn't be half bad!

LIGHTS OUT: Will-O'-The-Wisp / Season 4 Episode 6 - 1951

Time to turn the Lights Out!.. Today's tale's about Mr. Corbeau, he wants to turn the pristine Beware Island into a gambling destination. His plans for building a connecting bridge to the natural paradise are continually delayed, and, his engineers all fall from the island's cliffs, led there by by a spirit, the Will-O'-The-Wisp! So, his greedy daughter, Marina, tries to manipulate her ex-fiancé into designing the bridge.

This episode stars Robert Stack as Ian Garth, Pat Browning as Marina, Harry Worth as Mr. Corbeau, Ruth White as Mrs. Patchin and Louanna Gardner as Will-O'-The-Wisp.

And, here's our creepy host and narrator, Frank Gallop, as he introduces the story before all the lights go out...

Here are Mr. Corbeau and his daughter, Marina, they love money. Pops wants to build a bridge to pristine Beware Island (great name) and build a casino there, even with the deaths involved.

Ian Garth, bridge designer, is called back to reconsider the project, he has already turned it down because of his personal beliefs about keeping the island the way it is. Also, because of that, he and Marina called off their engagement.

Marina tells Ian she wants him back, he accepts and agrees to go to the island with her for a visit. After Ian leaves, Marina takes the contract and assures her dad that she will get Ian to sign it before they return.

At the island, Ian and Marina stay with Mrs. Patchin, and there's a mysterious mute girl that she takes care of living there.

Marina makes fun of the girl and touches her hair. The girl freaks out and tries to attack her, scaring the Hell out of Marina!

That's it!.. Marina takes the gloves off and fills Ian in on what's the for real haps!.. She tells him that unless pops gets his way, well, his beautiful little island will be used as a bombing site! So, he'd better sign the gott damn contract!!

So, Ian agrees...

Later that night, the girl pulls off her wig to reveal the Will-O'-The-Wisp, and then lures Marina outside to the cliffs!

Mrs. Patchin tries to stop them but they both disappear into the night...

Ian comes in just in time to watch Marina fall off the cliff to her death, bringing the story to an abrupt conclusion, and, justice it served!!

Frank gives his last words and blows the match out! Hey, we'll be back on Wednesday with who knows what?! Just for you!!

13 SUPER CLASSIC 1950'S SCI-FI MOVIES YOU CAN WATCH FOR FREE!

I find it funny that as long as we've been doing this, we have no idea who most of you are, and what you know. We have a tendency to take it for granted that everybody knows about all the classic movies of the 1950's, but then I realize it's ancient history, if you're reading this and you're like 20 years old. That being said, it's pretty damn cool that anybody can watch so many classic movies for free, and there's no reason why everybody young and old shouldn't know about them!

So here's just a short list of 13 freakin' ultra-classic 50's Sci-Fi flicks that you can watch any time, and almost anywhere for free on YouTube. There is absolutely no reason in the world to ever feel bored when you have this much freedom! It was hard to choose only 13, but if you watch all of these, I'm sure you'll seek out more of them for yourself! So, in chronological order....not order of importance, here you go!

 

PHANTOM FROM SPACE (1953)

 TOBOR THE GREAT (1954)

  THIS ISLAND EARTH (1955)

 IT CONQUERED THE WORLD (1956)

 

X THE UNKNOWN (1956)

 THE AMAZING COLOSSAL MAN (1957)

THE GIANT CLAW (1957) 

 NOT OF THIS EARTH (1957)

 THE BRAIN EATERS (1958)

MISSILE TO THE MOON (1958)
And it's in Color!

 

 4D MAN (1959)

One of the swingingest soundtracks you''ll ever hear!

TEENAGERS FROM OUTER SPACE (1959) 

 THE WASP WOMAN (1959)
A couple of those links are a little bit soft, but most of them are pretty nice copies watchable on a big screen TV. There's a literal ton of more movies too. Some copies are not that great, but you can't beat the price when you get to watch something like "Attack Of The Crab Monsters" or "Invasion Of The Saucer Men" for free!!

CRIMINALLY INSANE / aka CRAZY FAT ETHEL - 1975

Last Friday I reviewed SATAN'S BLACK WEDDING, today's post is its double feature, CRIMINALLY INSANE, aka CRAZY FAT ETHEL, from writer/director Nick Phillips. I didn't like SBW at all, but this one is a ton of fun from Hell... The story's about Ethel, the doctors at the psychiatric hospital declare her ready to return to society, so, she goes to live with her grandmother in Oakland. She has an insatiable compulsion to eat massive amounts of food, and when grandma locks away the food supply, Ethel kills her for the keys to the pantry! Left to her own devices, she now indulges her hunger non-stop, murdering anyone who dares to stand in her way!!

It stars Priscilla Alden as Ethel, she racked up 15 acting credits in feature films, direct to video and TV including .357 MAGNUM, DEATH NURSE, MIDNIGHT CALLER and DYING YOUNG. It also stars the versatile George 'Buck' Flower, who ended up with 159 acting credits including parts in SUCKULA, ILSA: SHE WOLF OF THE SS, THE ALPHA INCIDENT, THE TIME MACHINE (TV), THE FOG, ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK, THE NIGHT STALKER, PUMPKINHEAD and THEY LIVE.

So, here's Ethel at her grandmother's place, she's ready to join society again!..

The first thing she does is go on a non-stop eating binge, here, she cooks a whole package of bacon and wolfs it down before moving on to dessert world!

Anyway, grandma realizes that she can't afford Ethel's unending appetite, so, locks the food in the pantry to be doled out for meals only. Well, Ethel's not too hip on that option so she grabs a wicked carving knife and stabs the crap outta grandma while yelling, "I want that key! I want that key!" A few days later, she kills the grocery boy when she didn't have the money to pay for the food he was delivering!

Ethel's sister shows up, she'll be staying there for awhile...

Oh yeah, and she's a prostitute... She brings this gnome home for a drunken night of sex. I was noticing the guys jacket, first of all, it's too big for a shrimp, and, it's metallic blue which just seems odd for a little wallflower...

Anyway, Ethel has deep-sixed a few more people at this point. The bodies are all stored in grandma's bedroom and are starting to stink to high Hell! She tries to dig some graves in the back yard but a nosy neighbor makes it impossible.

Then, sis brings home her boyfriend/pimp to stay for awhile. They flaunt their lifestyle (they're snorting coke) in front of Ethel as she just keeps on eating away...

But, Ethel goes and kills both of them in bed with a meat clever while they sleep!

Ethel celebrates by dressing up in a red silk gown and running through the park! This scene is so bizarre I can't describe it, the birds flying in the background is just surreal.

Grandma's room is getting really noxious, Ethel gets out the air freshener and sprays the whole can while she has a snack. It sill stinks horribly.

She decides to get rid of the bodies at the ocean but someone is always coming by and she has to abort the mission. Back at the ranch, she leaves the trunk open when she drags her bag with a body in it back up the stairs to the house...

Another nosy neighbor want's to get a look inside the trunk and sees a bloody mannequin hand with a broken off bird finger! She screams like a banshee and calls the cops! I wonder... Did the make up department actually sign off on that hair style?..

So, a copper goes to Ethel's place and finds her in grandmother's room, snacking on the corpses!! It seems like the best way to get rid of the bodies!! Funny flick!