PREHISTORIC WOMEN / Seven Arts Productions, Hammer Films - 1967

Here's a little tale about David, a jungle guide that's kidnapped by a tribe of natives who want to sacrifice him to their white rhino god. Just as he's about to be killed he's thrown back in time to a kingdom of brunette women who have blonde slaves! David rejects the advances of Queen Kari and sides with the blondes, which leads to him being imprisoned.

This thing stars Martine (DR. JEKYLL & SISTER HYDE) Beswick as Queen Kari, Edina (THE BLACK TORMENT) Ronay as Saria and Michael (HAMMER HOUSE OF HORROR) Latimer as David.

David is out exploring an area he's not familiar with and comes across this carving of a white rhino on the ground! But, what does it mean, George?!..

It's not long before some natives show up and David becomes their prisoner, now what?!

He's taken into a cave where he's ready to face death. Inside, he notices a large carved white stone rhino confronting him.

David's ass is saved when Queen Kari shows up and claims him for herself! She's especially attracted to him because of his dark hair, I'd say!

Kari gets first place with this move in the yearly Cave Girl Dance Off spectacular!

But, wouldn't you know it, David falls for blonde slave girl, Saria! So, what do you think might happen if Kari discovered the love triangle?.. Exac-tik-takily!!

We're sick of being freakin' slave girls!!

Anyway, the girls get to ride the white rhino, but, will David get back to the modern world, or, will he end up trapped in the past? Watch the movie to find out...

Last thing up is a lobby card from the original movie with that title, this one's from 1951 and was filmed in vibrant Cinecolor! Tune in tomorrow for more cool junk for your measly soul...

THE LOST DREAM - "Little Audrey" (1949)

Halloween is officially over, and now it's time to move on to Thanksgiving and Christmas, and then before you know it, it will all seem like a dream, a sorta lost dream!

Interesting concept, but aren't all dreams lost? 

Because if you found a dream, then it would be reality, right?

Dreams are Ying Yang Catch 22! You're damned if you do, and you're damned if you don't!

I guess that's why we love them so much!

Dreams are the alternate universe of our minds, and a pretty wild concept if you really think about it!

Audrey dreams of peppermint stick forests!

And she dreams of riches!

And a prefect world!

After visiting Audrey, this little dream got sidetracked, and missed the boat back home!

Audrey and her lost dream travel back to Dreamland together!

So we all fall asleep and go to Dreamland every night, and if we don't, after a certain amount of time, we will either go crazy or die! Even though dreams aren't real, they're even more important than reality, and if your dreams come true, then I hope they weren't nightmares!

 Even in Dreamland, somebody's got to do the dirty work!

Mr. Sandman is the Boss!

There are fields of dreams, and leagues of dreams, day dreamers and dream chasers!

The greatest achievement of each day just might be - "To sleep, perchance to dream!" - Bill Shakespeare! 

The dark side is that there are also, faded dreams, and broken dreams, and bad dreams, aka nightmares!

 Hey, The Boss said don't go near the black door!!!

What the Hell is wrong with you Audrey?

Luckily for Audrey, it was just a dream!

NIGHT OF THE DEMONS / Blue Rider Pictures - 1988

Okay, here we go with our last Halloween Countdown 2017 post, a fun little story that goes like this... For Halloween, ten teens decide to go to a party at an abandoned funeral parlor, the old Hull House, that's rumored to have been built on an evil patch of land! While starting the party, the teens gather around a big mirror to perform a seance, and so, awaken some evil inside. They find themselves trapped and being taken over by the evil force...

There are many stars in this movie but I'll just mention the most interesting character, Suzanne, played by the hot, hot, hot, Linnea Quigley! Gawd, talk about a perfect female specimen!! She has 147 acting credits that includes six that are in some form of production as I write, you go girl!

Well, it's Halloween and the kids are out trick or treating. The teens in the car are heading out to the old Hull House for a party with some other friends, ignorance is bliss!

One of the two things I remember about seeing this movie is this scene here, Suzanne is in a convenience store, checking out I guess, laundry detergent, while the clerks stare at a little slice of heaven on Earth (help me, Lord)!

This is pretty funny, Suzanne distracts the clerks while her friend, Angela, packs her big candy bag full of snacks for the party! Now, that's what I call... Clever!!

After all the teens arrive at Hull House, the party begins. They dance and then have a seance where the mirror they're using falls and gets broken!

Then, a green fog appears and is inhaled by Suzanne... So, what the Hell's going on?

A slight intermission... Here are some stickers on a boom box, they were popular bands at the time, T.S.O.L., MOTORHEAD, FEAR, THE DEAD KENNEDYS and POISON. It's also when our arty garage band, HERMANOS GUZANOS, was in full bloom... Ah, memories.

Now then, this is the other thing I remember about the story, the crazy 'lipstick' scene! Don't worry, that's just a rubber mold of her chesticalogical area! Anyway, damn, first she draws on herself, then, pushes the lipstick tube deep inside her boob!! I mean, who came up with this?!!

At this point, Angela is also possessed, she shows off her flaming hands to everyone!

The fun just never stops!!

This is how a demon likes to make love!

This is how a demon likes to kick dude's ass!!

Sal comes across his own tombstone, time of death... Tonight!

Angela's looking like a full fledged demon now, jeez, ouch!!

Okay, everbloody's a freakin' demon except for two teens who climb over the wall and get away. They are barely able to send the demons back to from where they camest!

The head honcho demon show it's ugly puss just in time to go Poof! Well, there you have it, the end of the countdown, Five.. Four.. Three.. Two.. One.. ZERO!

Happy Halloween to all our viewers out there in the Helium!!