SANTO vs THE MARTIAN INVASION / Producciones Cinematográficas - 1967

This is the last Mexican Monster Monday in May with Tabonga, here at The Dungeon!.. In this adventure, Santo faces off with a bunch of Martians who land on Earth and plan on taking it over. Check out the lobby card, they make it look like they go to Mars! No, the whole flick takes place on Earth... Poor dumb kids.

Eegah!! made us a fun little soundclip of mostly kookie rock music from the club scene for our listening amusement, sooooo, you can push the big red 'GO' button there by the brick comforter, NOW, Ralphie The Tarantula! Here's a sample of spacey sounds from... SANTO vs THE MARTIAN INVASION!

These are the mighty Martians, preparing to land on Earth...

Santo watches in his lab as the Martians take over communications to broadcast their plan of conquest to the public.

Makes you wonder what el Nazi must have thought when he had to get fitted with this blonde wig and 'Martian' headgear!

All a Martian has to do is touch his victims and push a button on his belt, and... Poof!

But, where did they GO, George?

Here's the toy top they used for the flying saucer, mostly hidden by the miniature foilage... I had a few tops in my day.

Martian ladies show up at the gym and turn Santo's wrasslin' buddies against him! In the very cool Adult Swim cartoon series, THE BOONDOCKS, rapper Thugnificent had a tune called "Stomp 'Em In The Nuts!" That's what the 2nd photo reminds me of.

Sultry beauty Maura (THE BATWOMAN) Monti hypnotizes Santo into believing he has unmasked himself!

Santo takes his trademark white sportscar out (this time it looks like an MG) to fight Martian crime, wherever it may exist!

Mmmm, a mess o' marvelous Mexican Martian mavens!!

Even though the Martians have invaded Earth, there's always time for fun at the nightclub!!

With all their unearthly powers, the Martians are still no match for our hero... Viva Santo!!

Santo borrows one of the Martian's invisibility belts to see where he goes when he pushes the 'GO' button... Wait, an outhouse?!

The final battle takes place inside the saucer, any guess as to who'll win?

The Earth vs Mars movie win/loss tally: Earth 17 - Mars 0

`STARCRASH - "May The Farce Be With You" (1978)

OKAY!!! The time has finally come! The moment you've been waiting for, the Super Saturday Seventies Spectacular Special, "STARCRASH"!!!

Caroline Munro is the stunning Stella Star, and mighty Marjoe Gortner is Akton!! Leave it to the Italians to come up with a cast that includes a one time four year old child evangelist coupled with one of the UK's queens of horror! But we're just getting started......Pretty cool spaceship they've got!!

If you had to pick somebody to be the super slimeball tough guy Count Zarth Arn that wants to rule the universe, Joe (MANIAC) Spinell would have to be the guy at the top of the list!!

Still more leftovers from "Wizard Of Mars," is that even remotely possible? Well, maybe conceptually anyway!

Caroline Munro has had an awesome career! Not only was she Dr. Phibes dead wife Victoria Regina Phibes in both of the Dr. Phibes movies, she was also Naomi in the "The Spy Who Loved Me," and along with Joe Spinell, was in "Maniac" and another film we'll get around to some day, "The Last Horror Film!"

This space skull barbarian shot of Stella Star looks like some kind of classic fantastic Frank Frazetta comic illustration!!

It's said that Caroline Munro and her blonde counterpart Ingrid Pitt were known as the Jane Russell and Marilyn Monroe of UK horror! It's funny how Caroline Munro and Marilyn Monroe sound so similar, but Caroline was the one compared to Jane Russell not Marilyn!

I couldn't find my copy, but I might still have this Caroline Munro 12" single "Pump Me Up" that was produced by Gary Numan around here somewhere! Caroline Munro was never big on posing nude, she didn't need to!!

Caroline and Marjoe are joined on a good part of their journey by the campy robot Elle, who has Judd (The Last Horror Film) Hamilton inside, and whose obnoxious twangy voice in English was provided by actor and folk singer Hamilton Camp, who had a song that hit #76 in 1968 called "Here's To You!" The Pelón Thor was portrayed by Robert (Born Loser Glory Stomper Outlaw Rider) Tessier! Robert rounded out his career in the 1990 feature "Fertilize the Blaspheming Bombshell!"

Stella Star's meeting with this giant amazon robot seemed awfully reminiscent of one one of the Sinbad movies as do Count Zarth Arn's armed robot guards! Caroline Munro also had the role of Margiana in "The Golden Voyage Of Sinbad"

In a very primitive encounter with a bunch of cavemen launched off of trampolines, the robot Elle literally gets his brains bashed in, and Stella is left alone again!

Next up a stylish masked man appears out of nowhere to watch over Stella, and bigger than elephant poop, it's none other than..........

.........The Hoff, in his second ever film production! David Hasselhoff's previous film appearance was in "Revenge Of The Cheerleaders" where he played a character named Boner!

Thor ends up showing his true traitorous colours, and Marjoe has to kick his ass with what appears to be miracles of power! Just in case you wondered, Marjoe's name was derived from a combination of Mary and Joseph!

Just try and sit back, relax, and bask in the beauty of these combined four shots of cinematic wonder!!

Because "Starcrash" is SO bad, I can easily say it's one of the best flicks I've seen this year! Just like Joe Spinell in most of his films, it's that bad!! Joe Spinell passed away back in 1989 at the age of 52, from what are still undetermined causes!

Probably the most disappointing element of "Starcrash" is the uninspiring music by the genius John (Can you say James Bond?) Barry!! It is so brutally Star something else, it will keep your mind in wonder!

The gorgeous Caroline Munro looks so much like Spongebob's friend Sandy Cheeks in this final picture that it has left me speechless!!!

"Starcrash," what a fantastic giant heap of steaming dung, and what a great movie!!!!

CONQUISTADOR DE LA LUNA / Producciones Sotomayor - 1960

This is the last Friday Night Mexican Sci-Fi Drive-In Theater with Tabonga in May, 2012, here at The Dungeon!.. Our feature is one wild and wooly little space flick that stars Clavillazo (CASTLE OF THE MONSTERS) and Ana Luisa (THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERETTA) Peluffo.

Eegah!! gave us a soundclip for our guilty enjoyment, soooooo, we might as well get the show started! You can push the big red 'GO' button located there slightly akimbo from the glowing chartreuse igloo, NOW, Rufus The Gnat! Here's some sound from... CONQUISTADOR DE LA LUNA!

In the soundclip, you hear a series of gadgets going off after the music, that's because Clavillazo is a kooky inventor living in his Rube Goldberg-inspired pad. Here he is getting washed by machines in the bathtub!

Clavillazo's girlfriend is the daughter of the absent-minded professor who's the head of the project. He has to go to the rocket and fix an electrical short before the launch takes place, and, of course, accidently pushes the 'GO' button!

At the launch site, the DESTINATION MOON rocket is shown in various stages of construction. They actually show a freakin' V-2 rocket for the launch (aargh!), then, this nice Sotomayor rocket is inserted as their faces get all bent out of shape from the g-force!

Clavillazo's having a bit of trouble adjusting to no gravity in space!

And, it's back to the DESTINATION MOON rocket for the Moon landing!

Once they land and go exploring, they see a weird elevator appear out of the ground!

They discover a civilization of lizard-like beings who give them pills for sustenance.

Then, there's the evil brain what wants to take over the body of Clavillazo's girlfriend and destroy the Earth with a doomsday missile! Looks like it's urinating a 3-stream out of the top of the brain there, yuck! No offense, but, those Mexicans had some very strange ideas for their vintage horror and sci-fi films! I'm not complaining.

Here's a Moon Lizard sucking on a 1-1/2" clear polycarbonate oxygen tube!

Ready for this?!.. That's the flying saucer from DEVIL GIRL FROM MARS! Must be a composite shot, since it's on the Moon, weird!..

Clavillazo tastes some liquid dripping down the wall and gives an eye-popping response!

WHAT THE HELL?!!.. Now we even have a shot from WARNING FROM SPACE?!

We'll end with this composite shot where they put the Devil Girl saucer in the same scene with the DESTINATION MOON rocket!