TALES OF TOMORROW / The Crystal Egg - TV 1951

THROW THAT SWITCH!!!

TIME FOR!.....

For you not familiar with this TV series broadcast from 1951-3, then here is great way to introduce you, classic episode written by H. G. Wells!! This story is probably precursor to WAR OF THE WORLDS. Music credit go to Lee White, Lew White, Bobby Christian and Irving Robbin.

So, here is tonight' vintage soundclip!.. TABLEAUX TO MARS!

Story start with Tall Dark Stranger interested in cheap looking glass egg in antique shop. He act like it best thing since slice bread, so shop keeper, Mr. Cave, want science friend to look at first before deciding on final price.

Thomas Mitchell star as Professor Frederick Vaneck, friend of Mr. Cave. He agree to take a look...

Now, begin by using proper scientific method, just wanting to get good look at!

Hmmm, kinda hypnotizin'...

Wait, what the!.. Izzat?.. Who?.....

Suddenly, Professor hear weird voice with ominous message from Mars!!

Pretty damn cool for 1951 TV, give youself big hand, prop department!!

Professor figure out transmission come from... MARS!!

Mr. Cave come over to listen to Professor' story of scientific importance, but grab crystal egg and make 23 skidoo out lab door!! Now he know it worth big fortune and Professor not getting grubby his little hand on!

Professor cannot believe what just happen, so he go to antique shop to get egg back. Mrs. Cave say she not see husband since he went to sell to Tall Dark Stranger!!

The Professor try to get help from government official, but where is proof?!

Tall Dark Stranger pay Professor Vaneck little visit and break 78 recording of warning from rubber Martian!!

HERMANOS GUZANOS / Halloween Tricks

HERMANOS GUZANOS was a garage band from 1986-94 that produced 20 albums during that time. Members are Gary Wray, Darrell Draeger and Brian J. Riedel. Photo is from their 1994 cable access TV show, OFFBEAT.

Here's a nice an' sleazy 'side show' piece from their album, THE WORMS' TURN.

MYSTERICAL SIGHTS!

WARNING!! This piece, BUZZSAW BASEMENT, is pretty rowdy and will definitely scare your kids, pets and visitors, so, be warned!!

This is an improv one-take live recording with only 2 guys, a keyboard and a digital delay! The Basement Master is played by Dungeon pal, Dino Bivona! From their very first 'all-live' album, SLEAZE WEASELS!

BUZZSAW BASEMENT!

VOODOO BLACK EXORCIST aka VUDÚ SANGRIENTO (1973) – Directed by Manuel Caño – Music by Fernando Morchillo

Greetings and felicitations, dear readers, it is I, Zillagord, Maven Turkey Knocker. Lo, I have returned from the depths of the cranberry abyss! Having survived a mind-boggling journey through the putrefying bowels of the celluloid gobbler, still rife with the aroma of hickory smoke and half-digested green bean casserole, I present you yet another reeking creature feature. And what could smell worse than a mummy? What, the movie’s title says NOTHING about a mummy? Uh, yeah, I’ve got some ‘splainin’ to do…

An amazing title! What could go wrong? Well, let’s examine the responsible parties:

Director Manuel Caño was also behind the lens (and probably under the table) for TARZAN & THE GOLDEN GROTTO and TARZAN & THE BROWN PRINCE, which featured BLOOD FREAK star/Conway Twitty-on-steroids clone Steve Hawkes. With only one degree of separation from that notorious turkey, it’s no wonder VBE stinks of something most fowl.

The soundtrack by Fernando Morchillo, replete with Pounding Drums and Fuzzy Guitars, is probably the best aspect of this flick. Morchillo worked on over 60 films during his career, including the awe-inspiringly titled WITCH WITHOUT A BROOM (man, the existential potential!), THE WITCHES MOUNTAIN, and NIGHT OF THE SORCERERS. That’s a lotta black magic music! “And although I know it’s simply ta –booooo….”

Now to the meat of the matter. The title is VOODOO BLACK EXORCIST. Whadda awesome moniker, sounds like film could be like ABBY only with voodoo, too! Yet the flick delivers on so little. Whadda predictable shock!! OK, fearless fiends, let’s dissect this sucka word for word, shall we?

First word: VOODOO! And there is some cuckoo voodoo going on here. The film opens with the requisite prologue, wherein we are privy to a tribal ritual complete with native nipples and perhaps the most ridiculous papier-mâché severed head of all time.

Sweaty dude is Aldo Sambrell, veteran of many a spaghetti western and of genre flicks like A GIRL FOR SATAN and VAMPIRE KILLER BARBYS (sic). Great titles too! Aldo is about to get all mummified; I thought that was an Egyptian thing. Guess I didn’t learn anything from WRASSLIN’ WIMMEN VS, AZTEC MUMMY, must’ve been too busy looking at the pointy bras.

OK, there’s your nipples, preverts.

Next word: BLACK! As in BLACKSPOITATION!! Love the genre. Just the inclusion of the word conjures up images of funky, funny laugh-riots like BLACULA, BLACKENSTEIN, and DR. BLACK & MR. HYDE. But this flick is all jive and hustle! Just check out Aldo and co-star Eva León (HOUSE OF PSYCHOTIC WOMEN, I HATE MY BODY) in Al Jolsen blackface. Selma, Alabama? Never heard of it! Incredible.

Great “afro” wig, too. Can we get Buckwheat and Stymie in here for cameos? Yeesh.

Dude, you be trippin’! Nope, we don’t even get “authentic” street dialogue…

Why does chick always go back to the dude against whom her lover is battling AFTER he’s on the ground bleeding?? Women, I’ll never understand ‘em, be they white, black, in full-body black make-up, whatever. Oh, did I mention this is still the prologue?? Yep, we spend the rest of the flick waiting for…

EXORCIST!! Makes me think of pea soup, projectile vomiting, spinning heads, “The power of Christ compels you!” and crucifix diddling when I see that word. Well, we get bubkis here friends. No demon, no barf, no self-pleasuring. My guess: they retitled this poorly-dubbed Spanish import for domestic release after “The Exorcist” came out, trying to make a few bucks. I love how they threw in BLACK to attract African American movie goers too! It’s an equal opportunity for us all to get pissed off! You gotta love the ingenuity of exploitation filmmakers; if only they used that creativity on the actual film. Speaking of which, let’s get back to the ploddingly plotted flick, already in progress…

Archeologist and Keenan Wynn doppelganger Alfredo Mayo (ATTACK OF THE ROBOTS) unearths ancient sarcophagus of Aldo and lugs it around on a cruise ship. Always a good plan.

Also on bored… er… board: Eva León, sans ‘fro. Eva has a prophetic dream, a harbinger of “something absurd and terrible at the same time.” Probably cuz she read the script! Thanks for the warning, Eva!

Here’s really annoying shrew and tarot card reader Mary Antonio Del Rio, or Mary A. River as she’s listed in credits! Love the translation; also listed in credits is, um, dude named Richard Rod (seriously)!! One among many of the disappointments of flick is that somehow this old nag survives the proceedings. I wasn’t too broken up about not seeing Richard’s rod though.

Nope, not John Malkovich-- this guy isn’t that crusty and aloof! It’s our pal Aldo.

Um… he’s WHITE now too? Guess all those years spent in the sarcophagus faded him out. Hate to see what Michael Jackson’ll look like when he rises from the grave…

Aldo goes on a murderous rampage, leaving a trail of piñatas in his wake…

Last major character is Hercule Poirot imitator Fernando Sancho (RETURN OF THE EVIL DEAD, THE SATANIC MECHANIC) as fat lazy police investigator. Best line: “I have a system. When I don’t have a lead, I drink gin… and wait.” Nothing like good old fashioned detective work! Hey Peter Useless-slob, how ‘bout a crueler to go with that G&T??

Did I mention the severed heads???

In this scene, as mummy attacks the go-go gurl for not “finishing him off” after a lap dance, the viewer can espy the cameraman in the mirror! My favorite scene.

I love the carefully arranged soup bubbles. This pic is actually a great metaphor for the whole flick: it’s just one big tease…

Reunited and it feels so good! But in this flick, it’s not a duet sung by Peaches and Herb, more like Anne Murray and Barry Manilow. Guess one thing was exorcised from this dreck: SOUL, brother!

PIFF + RALPHIE Present CASPER The Friendly Ghost

Piff the Gnat an' Ralphie the Tarantula say "herro everbloody" and are here to present today' presentation of their favorite lil' ghost, Casper!

Disc would not open for still capture from cartoon, so, resort to Plan B from the Dungeon instead!!

Of course, best Casper cartoon are ones directed by Izzy Sparber starting in 1945 with music arranged by Winston Sharples. Piff an' Ralphie agree!!

CASPER THE UNFIENDLY GHOST!

This could be the perfect pic of Casper and his cousins!!

Two nice 45 record sleeve.

Three nice Harvey comic cover.

Here is cheap knockoff from Atlas! Homer don't look that 'happy!'

And, for that snappy dresser you know!

Piff love this so he make sure Tabonga include it in today' post. It on his 'want list.'

This pic is 'nother special request from Piff, he love kitties too!

Piff an' Ralphie want to make one picture so Tabonga let them. Please don't laugh (too hard).

They still learning Photoshop!