GOLDFACE, IL FANTASTICO SUPERMAN - Franco Pisano/Piero Umiliani - "Nadie Podía Salvar A La Humanidad En Peligro Excepto Él. Ni Todo Un Ejército Podía Contra Su Voluntad Y Su Fuerza. Por Eso Era Llamado... El Fantástico Superman" (1967)

I'm heading to Vegas to see Steely Dan on Friday, so I need to get some work done here, so without further delay, here's part three of my trilogy of golden films, "Goldface, The Fantastic Superman!"  Wait a minute, I don't remember any cool Dodge Valiants in this movie! What's this poster artiste think he can get away with anyhow?

"Goldface, Il Fantastico Superman" is just about as ridiculous as you could possibly imagine, and quite possibly, maybe even a little more! I guess that's what makes it almost great, but not quite!

"Goldface has got BIG Matthews in it, what the Hell more could you possibly want out of a movie than that?

AND.... LOTHAR and the Wrestling Champions of Caracas! Obviously, they had some bigtime money to blow on this production, and it shows! Just in case you're a little confused, don't get this Lothar confused with the lead singer in that awesome 60's band, Lothar and the Hand People! Speaking of, the music in "Goldface, Il Fantastico Superman" was written by Franco (How to Kill 400 Duponts) Pisano, and the Maestro Piero Umiliani, whom we've written about many times before as the composer of the Über classic Muppets tune "Mahna Mahna!!!"

This is probably what Goldface would have looked like if the costume department had for than a dollar three eighty to spend!

This is Espartaco Garibaldi Borga Santoni as the Doctor! Shhhh! Don't tell anybody, but he is also secretly Goldface! Espartaco was only in 20 movies, but what a line up they are! Titles like "Exorcism's Daughter," "Feast of Satan," "Raise Your Hands, Dead Man, You're Under Arrest," "Lisa and the Devil," and "Torrente, El Brazo Tonto De La Ley!" Espartaco moved on to higher ground in 1998!

Here's just one of the many nameless "Champions Of Caracas!"

So here's the deal, Goldface is not only a crime fighting super hero, he's also a top notch wrassler!

The legions of Goldface's fans include a number of beautiful women, who have never figured out that wrasslin' is fake!

I'm assuming, because that's all that I can do, that this is Big Matthews as Goldface's sidekick! There's not much to find out about Big, because he was only in two movies, this one, and a Turkish/Italian film called "Lo Scoiattolo," but this guy IS big, and he's one of the few people in the movie that don't really look Italian!

Here's a cool shot from the Royale Rumble that Goldface wins without any problems at all!

During the Royale Rumble, this German journalist tries to take ringside advantage when Goldface is down, to ask him how he feels about German women! The guy behind her was a wrassler known as Jack The Ripper!

This is just to show you the difference between men and women's vices!

It's really hard to get good action footage screen shots, but this IS a good one from the rumble!

Honestly, Goldface has got one of the most pathetic costimes ever! Check out the cheapass GF directly underneath his collar! As tough as he may be, this is not really a look that commands a lot of respect!

If wrasslin' seems like nothing but a joke to you, just remember that back in the 50's, the biggest reason people bought TVs was because they wanted to see Gorgeous George in action on the mat!

I'd give Tabonga's left root to have this poster! Vampire Negro and The Sons of Quasimodo, Hell Yeah!!

This shot leaves me speechless!!!

One of Godface's super powers is that he is able to climb trees and spy on chicks! You're jealous, aren't you?

The whole movie is based on Goldface's battle with Cobra! Here Cobra's number two get what's coming to her!! "Goldface, Il Fantastico Superman" is yet another film supplied to us for your pleasure from Brian at The Trash Palace!" Please do yourself, me, and him a favour, and visit his site! I guarantee if you dig these weird old films, you're in for the time of your life, and pick up a Ubangi's CD while you're at it! UNGAWA!!!

OPERAZIONE POKER - Piero Umiliani - "Nice Pair" (1965)

Roger Browne was off my radar at first because he was mostly a 'Sword and Sandal' guy for years, but after watching a couple of his spy guy films like this, I'm starting to really like the guy, and that brings us to tonight's feature, "Operation Poker!" The instrumental genius once again responsible for the swingin' swanky music is the "Mah Na Mah Na" man himself, the Maestro Piero Umiliani! What a phenomenon!

This is pretty interesting, the word operation is seen here four times, with four different spellings! Operation, Operacion, Operazione, and Operatie, but no matter what language you're talking in, Poker is still Poker! The universal way to lose your ass!

Not exactly Tex Ritter's "Downtown Poker  Club!"

So here he is, Roger Browne as secret agent S1-14, aka Glen Foster on the prowl! Don't know why, for some reason on IMDB, they have his name as Glenn Forest.

This is a unique way to get your girl to go with you, knock her out cold! I've watched this a couple of times now, and I'm still not sure why he did it!

The heartbreaking Helga Liné is Diane, Glen Foster's girlfriend! Yabba Dabba Doo!!

Suddenly people like this agent start dying in all kinds of strange ways! There was a trip wire hooked up to the accelerator pedal and I'm not sure he didn't get shot right square in the crotch!

And this woman is always round whenever it happens!! Carla Calò aka Carol Brown as the twisted Russian agent responsible for all the executions!

Then every once in a while when the sub-titles kick in for a few minutes, you get stuff like this, arguably the worst pickup line of all time!

Here's a little scene featuring one of the best gadgets I've seen in a while! When Glen hits the button, the whole ass end of this '56 Chevy ejects, and the would-be assassin is thrown over a cliff to his well deserved death!

There's way too much going on in "Operation Poker" for me to try and attempt to explain much, and it's awfully twisted too. Glen's got his girlfriend Diane, and he's got orders to get friendly with this Austrian Ambassador's daughter Helga! They are both beautiful and to me can look very similar at times, and if that's not bad enuf, Diane's played by Helga Liné, and Helga is played by José Greci! It would have been a whole lot easier if Helga could have been Helga!

Glen gets some good help from his muscleman pal Omar as played by Bob Messenger (Roberto Messina)!

I'm not sure, but this might be the first time I've ever seen somebody in a fight scene put a real piledriver on his opponent! Roberto is pretty tough!

 

"Operation Poker" is supposed to be set in Malaga, London, Vienna, Geneva, Copenhagen, and Casablanca, but I think it was all filmed in Spain and Italy. This looks like North Korea's vision of the future!

 

Omar gets shot in the back, and you think it's curtains for him, but as you can see, he's doing fine!

Glen finally gets to the root of the problem. This is the device that enables his poker playing friend Parker to win all the time, and is also why the Russians, Chinese, and Vietnamese are all at each other's throats!

When this little x-ray camera hidden in a tie clasp is combined with a special pair of contact lenses, the wearer is enabled to see through not only cards, but walls!

Naturally Glen Foster puts them to good use immediately!

The reason that selfies never existed until just a few years ago, was that it was something that was virtually impossible to do with a camera like this!

The bonus feature is you get a free mini-tour of the Tuborg Brewery!

The last laugh is on the pig in the tank that these three are peering in on!

I just had to add this other version of the poster for it's classical use of four aces! "Operation Poker" is a winning hand in a world of mediocre jacks or better, and the jokers are wild! Where's the place to find it? Cult Action, or The Trash Palace, Of Course! Actually, just go ahead and get one from each place, and give one to friend! They'll love you forever!

COME RUBARE LA CORONA D'LNGHILTERRA (Fantastic Argoman) - Piero Umiliani - "The Fantastic Superman" (1967)

Happy 2008 Halloweenie Countdown to ya'll! Damn this is fun!! Last Friday we featured "Atragon" and this Friday it's "Argoman!" Try drinking 3 Cadillac Margaritas and saying "Atragon," "Argoman," 3 times or more real fast! I can't even think it!

"Argoman The Fantastic Superman" is a fairly exciting 1967 Italian film that works out to be a weird hybrid cross between a Matt Helm movie and some Marvel super hero with obsessive mind powers, kind of like Dr. X. In the opening sequence, he uses mind control to turn a bunch of soldier's guns against themselves!!

Sword and Sandal guy Roger Browne steps out as Argoman, and this cat is not only suave and cool, he has superpowers too, but really, drinking martinis and sex are much more important to him.

The bad news is that if he has sex, his powers disappear for, I forgot how long, I think 6 hours, so he has to be very careful during that time, because he is so vulnerable!! Nice twist!! And speaking of twists, the music of genius Piero Uniliani twists and swings like some of Sergio Mendes' best!

Argoman senses there is a woman nearby!!! The Dude is on!!

And as fate would have it, here she comes!!! Nice ride!!!

You gotta dig the fact that Argoman's nemesis played by the beautiful Dominique Boschero is "The Queen Of The World", but she is still basically a woman who is regarded as not concerned about conventional standards of domestic cleanliness, if you get my meaning, if you catch my drift!

Now that's some swingin' bachelor pad!! Holy Toldeo, those Italians knew how to do it right!!

Here's where the effects of having sex were detrimental to Argoman as he's really getting his ass whupped bigtime in the back of this van!

Fortunately, the time period ends, and Argoman once again proves his superiority and kicks major butt all over those same guys!! Pretty cool since he looks like a freakin' dweeb!!!

"The Queen Of The World" was a woman with a lot of different looks, the last one was the look of DEATH!!! This is one of the better films you can find on Netflix! Go for it!!!