MONSTERS - "Mr. Swlabr" (1990)

This Saturday Night Special I have for you is season two, episode 15 of "Monsters."

This episode was titled "Mr Swlabr."

The only other reference to the word "Swlabr" that I ever knew was this great song by one of the best bands of all time, CREAM, so it really got me wondering what the heck the tie-in was here!

The word "SWLABR" is not really a word at all, but an acronym, and the letters stand for either "She Walks Like A Bearded Rainbow," or She Was Like A Bearded Rainbow," and was written by Pete Brown.

The inspiration for the song was Producer Felix Pappalardi, who was drawing beards and mustaches on pictures of an old girlfriend. Felix Pappalardi produced three Cream albums, his own Mountain albums, and records by The Youngbloods, The Flock, and The Dead Boys before getting shot and killed by his wife at the age of 43 with the derringer he had given her a couple of months earlier.

So what does any of that have to do with this TV show? Absolutely nothing!

 

 

The real "SWLABR."

Robert (Honey, I Shrunk The Kids) Oliveri has the role of Roy Barton. Roy's a normal kid who spends all his time in the basement with his train set and his handmade aluminum dinosaurs. His Mother and older sister are obsessive and obnoxious.

Roy his just found a special prize inside his box of "Wonder Pops."

Danielle (Jessica Jones) Ferland is Roy's dreadful sister Barbie.

The directions said to soak it in water. Swlabr's embryo looks like a little turd to me!

 

The transformation begins.........

.....And the little "Swlabr" is born!

As "Swlabr" grows and turns into basically a hand puppet, he becomes less and less interesting or convincing!

But the story becomes more interesting, because the voice of "Swlabr" was provided by a very interesting character named Michael Morra, aka Rockets Redglare.

Rockets Redglare was at one time, a bodyguard for The Sex Pistols, and later for Sid Vicious, and more than one person has stated they believe that Rockets was the one who stabbed Nancy Spungen, Sid Vicious's girl friend, and then supplied Sid with the pure heroin that did him in.

We'll never know, because Rockets died back in 2001 at the age of 52.

 

Kate (School Of Rock) McGregor-Stewart is Roy's hideous Mother.

 

 

In fact, both his Sister and his Mother are bigger monsters than "Mr. Swlabr."

And to put a punctuation mark on that stinky fart, here they are again because they have nothing better to do than make Roy's life miserable!

 

"Mr. Swlabr" is growing and Roy's Mother unintentionally makes things worse by dousing him with more water that just makes him grow that much faster and bigger!

 

Hubba, Hubba!!

 

And Roy's Mother gets a face full of what's good for her!

The writer of this story is named Steven L. Nelson, and this is his only credit. All I can figure is Steven probably had a copy of "Disraeli Gears" and thought the title "Swlabr" looked cool, decided to use it as a monster's name, and that makes about as much sense as anything else!

THE AQUABATS! SUPER SHOW! / "Night Of The Cactus!" - 2012

I thought I'd check out some stuff on Shout Factory and started watching Aquabats. It really feels like a Saturday morning kid show, but I don't know where it originally played. The characters from left to right are.. Jimmy The Robot, Ricky Fitness, MC Bat Commander, Eagle Bones Falconhawk and Crash McLarson. They're a music group supposedly on a world tour. (?)

Anyway, their 'friend' Ronmark has them set up in a tent in the middle of the desert at night, to play a special song for him to woo his ex-girlfriend back into his arms when she arrives.

Unfortunately, a meteorite has just crashed in the hills, so, Ronmark and his girl, Zalga, make up and drive away into the night. Thing is, The Aquabats didn't get paid because they didn't get to play the song before the couple made up!

So, the glowing meteorite is just laying there until it shoots a liquid all over a cactus, and strange things happen.

Since the guys didn't get paid have no money, they decide to find the meteorite and sell it to a scientist or something, for money.

But MC Bat sticks his finger into a hole in the rock, and it immediately mutates his hand into an octopus tentacle!

Ronmark and Zalga are having their own problems, that big old mutant cactus the meteorite created has just kidnapped Zalga.

And, like in a kids show, there's a cartoon!

They have a continuing story going on in a cartoon in every episode. Here, like in FANTASTIC VOYAGE, they have to miniaturize themselves and go inside their friend Jimmy The Robot, through his nose, to find out what the problem is with his functions.

They race along in their van while being chased by who knows what.

They scream a lot because of all the dangers they encounter. I was looking at this scene and could only think of one thing... STEVE DITKO!!

Zalga is starting to think that the cactus likes her, he lets her down a tries to show his affection for her.

The thing even dances for her, and she seems to be enjoying herself.

The Aquabats show up to save the day, but even Eagle Bones fails with his guitar ray!

The Aquabats, Zalga and Ronmark pile into the van for safety while the cactus monster keeps pounding away on the exterior... What to do?,,

Well, it's time for a group sing-along about science as they mix up a formula that will change the cactus back to normal.

They create their mixture, so, Crash tosses the meteorite (they saved) as a diversion so that they can all get out of the van and attack the monster.

Zalga acts as if she is going to save the cactus, but, she grabs the mixture and douses it on the thing herself, and it turns back into a regular old cactus... Yay?!

Zalga straps the cactus to her car and leaves Ronmark in the dust. Later as he's walking away, he sees the meteorite and picks it up, only to be sprayed in the face! This episode makes about as much sense as the world does today, so, we're in good company!

MONSTERS - "The Farmer's Daughter" (1989)

This Wacky Wednesday feature is episode six from season two of the 1989 TV show "Monsters!"

 

Almost as old as the concept of why did the chicken cross the road, jokes about the farmer's daughter have been around for decades.

The farmer's daughter's parents are like Ma and Pa Kettle, except they don't have any last names. Ma was played by Bobo (Blood Bride) Lewis, and Pa was played by George (Old Indy) Hall. Oddly enough, Bobo was also in a 1963 TV series titled "The Farmer's Daughter."

It's a cold and stormy night, so who else but a traveling salesman should show up?

And who might that traveling salesman be? None other than one of the finest comedians in the world, the one and only Soupy Sales as Howard Filby!

Ma and Pa ain't got no phone, and they ain't got no car, so Howard has no choice but to spend the night.

Ma and Pa break out the family photo albums for entertainment!

One of the photos is of a lovely young woman named Lucy as played by Stephanie Phillips who just happens to be Ma and Pa's daughter, she also just happens to be upstairs. Stephanie has only one other credit, and that's as reporter #2 in a TV movie titled "Call Me Anna."

Even the dimmest bulb in the world knows that no matter the time and place, if you sleep with the farmer's daughter, you damn well better keep your grubby mitts off of her, or there's gonna be trouble. Howard doesn't seem to understand the concept as he stares upstairs in delight!

Ma rigs up a 'modesty sheet' between Howard and Lucy just to keep him honest in his intentions.

Howard just can't take talking to a sexy silhouette any longer, so he eventually talks Lucy into revealing herself.

It's love at first sight for Howard Firby.

Lucy tells Howard that he can kiss her, as long as he doesn't touch her.

But of course, that's impossible for Howard under the circumstances, and then he finds out that Lucy disintegrates if he touches her. Why it was okay for them to kiss is up to you to figure out!

As expected, Howard is shocked by the whole situation!

But then, he did ask her to marry him, so what else can he do?

Lucy's condition just keeps getting worse.

 

And worse!

Take the commercials out of a thirty minute show in 1989, and you're only left with twenty-one minutes of story, and that's just fine with me. There's no filler, no long chase scenes, and little wasted time, and you can do the whole thing with only a handful of actors, or in this case, four. I've got a short attention span, so I'd rather watch three of these shows instead of an hour and a half movie any day!

Hey, did you hear the one about the farmer's daughter?

It ain't so funny no more!!