MONSTERS - "The Farmer's Daughter" (1989)

This Wacky Wednesday feature is episode six from season two of the 1989 TV show "Monsters!"

 

Almost as old as the concept of why did the chicken cross the road, jokes about the farmer's daughter have been around for decades.

The farmer's daughter's parents are like Ma and Pa Kettle, except they don't have any last names. Ma was played by Bobo (Blood Bride) Lewis, and Pa was played by George (Old Indy) Hall. Oddly enough, Bobo was also in a 1963 TV series titled "The Farmer's Daughter."

It's a cold and stormy night, so who else but a traveling salesman should show up?

And who might that traveling salesman be? None other than one of the finest comedians in the world, the one and only Soupy Sales as Howard Filby!

Ma and Pa ain't got no phone, and they ain't got no car, so Howard has no choice but to spend the night.

Ma and Pa break out the family photo albums for entertainment!

One of the photos is of a lovely young woman named Lucy as played by Stephanie Phillips who just happens to be Ma and Pa's daughter, she also just happens to be upstairs. Stephanie has only one other credit, and that's as reporter #2 in a TV movie titled "Call Me Anna."

Even the dimmest bulb in the world knows that no matter the time and place, if you sleep with the farmer's daughter, you damn well better keep your grubby mitts off of her, or there's gonna be trouble. Howard doesn't seem to understand the concept as he stares upstairs in delight!

Ma rigs up a 'modesty sheet' between Howard and Lucy just to keep him honest in his intentions.

Howard just can't take talking to a sexy silhouette any longer, so he eventually talks Lucy into revealing herself.

It's love at first sight for Howard Firby.

Lucy tells Howard that he can kiss her, as long as he doesn't touch her.

But of course, that's impossible for Howard under the circumstances, and then he finds out that Lucy disintegrates if he touches her. Why it was okay for them to kiss is up to you to figure out!

As expected, Howard is shocked by the whole situation!

But then, he did ask her to marry him, so what else can he do?

Lucy's condition just keeps getting worse.

 

And worse!

Take the commercials out of a thirty minute show in 1989, and you're only left with twenty-one minutes of story, and that's just fine with me. There's no filler, no long chase scenes, and little wasted time, and you can do the whole thing with only a handful of actors, or in this case, four. I've got a short attention span, so I'd rather watch three of these shows instead of an hour and a half movie any day!

Hey, did you hear the one about the farmer's daughter?

It ain't so funny no more!!