ALFRED HITCHCOCK PRESENTS - "The Jar" (1986)

Probably anybody who reads this blog will not be surprised by this week's Saturday Night Special.

One of the interesting things about "Alfred Hitchcock Presents" from the 80's is that it's assbackwards from the way most things were. What's usually the case is that the 1950's or 1960's version would be thirty minutes long, and then in the 80's or later when they remade a show it would be an hour long. "The Twilight Zone" is a good example. "Alfred Hitchcock Presents" from the 60's was an hour long, and the 80's versions were on only 30 minutes.

 

So, like it or not, you can't blame Alfred, because he had already been dead for six years when this show came out. This version of "The Jar" was episode number 19 from the first season of the 'new' "Alfred Hitchcock Presents." It's still based on the same Ray Bradbury story, but now our hero is an artist instead of a country bumpkin, but for the most part, the basic story is very similar.

Griffin Dunne plays the lackey in this version, a struggling artist named Knoll. I've always liked Griffin Dunne for his paranoid character in the 1985 film "After Hours," and of course, the unforgettable "American Werewolf In London."

I have in the past, and I will in the future, watch almost any damn thing that Paul Bartel is in. Here he's a pompous art critic.

Tim Burton directed this version of "The Jar" in between "Pee-wee's Big Adventure," and "Beetlejuice."

Instead of Billy Barty, the little man who sells the dupe "The Jar" this time is Peter (Grizzel) Risch as junkyard proprietor Happy Kaufman. Peter was only 2'2" tall. He passed away a couple of years after this at the age of 42.

This time the mysterious jar was found inside an old wrecked car.

Knoll decides to make "The Jar" the star of his newest exhibition, and makes a nice stand for it.

As weird as this one is, the black and white version of the contents of "The Jar" were a lot creepier!

In fact, this version of "The Jar" is kind of pretty by comparison.

Just like in the other version, his wife likes her boyfriend better than "The Jar."

They might be high society muckety-mucks, but they are as just as transfixed and enamored by "The Jar" as the country folks were.

The gallery crowd is completely captivated!

Mesmerized, stupefied, and bewitched. Nobody knows what to make of it!

 

Another high point of this version is lovely and hilarious at the same time, Laraine (104 episodes of SNL) Newman, in a rather small part as gallery owner Periwinkle.

Knoll is now on the top of the art world with his latest exhibition "The Jar, Part Deux."

 

Who cares that his wife has permanently left him? His newfound success is much more important, and besides, she was a two-timing bitch anyway!

AQUA TEEN HUNGER FORCE / Kidney Car - 2003

Seems like it's time for a dose of Aqua Teen Hunger Force, so, here an episode where Carl gets screwed over by Shake once again.

It all starts when Shake is showing Frylock his trophy he just got as a participant in the Smash'em Up Finals for a car demolition event.

And, there's a knock on the door, it's Carl and he wants to know what happened to his car!

Because, it's been torn to bejesus and back!

Carl tries to get some answers from Frylock and Meatwad but it doesn't go well, and Shake has gone to his room, which he doesn't have.

Carl donates the car to the Kidney Foundation, maybe he can get a tax write-off.

Shake comes out wearing a crash helmet with a lame excuse as to why he's wearing it. You can see what the conversation does for Carl.

The tow truck driver then drops it off in front of the Aqua Teen's house next door. 

Although Meatwad doesn't have any kidneys, the foundation gave him the car so that he can get to work and back. Carl has had it with his neighbors and leaves.

Meatwad has already spray painted Hot Wad 3 on the back fender.

And since it doesn't run now, Meatwad gets his tools out and starts working on the engine.

Meatwad even employs the help of his paper bag friend, Foxy Brown, whose job it is to turn the ignition key to start the engine when Meatwad says, okay.

Meatwad has to bring in Frylock and Shake to help him get the car running, but zilch. Frylock tells Meatwad to get an estimate from a mechanic to see what it would cost to get it repaired.

The next morning Meatwad is in the car pretending to be in traffic trying to get to work, yelling at the other drivers. Shake shows up as a cop to harass Meatwad for driving without a seat belt and threatens to throw him in jail.

Here's the faxed estimate for the repairs from the mechanic!

In the meantime, Shake has acquired a jet engine and drops it on the car. If you notice, the engine is actually backwards!

Shake has Meatwad start the engine and immediately Carl's new hatchback gets pulled toward the engine's air intake!

And within seconds, Carl's new car is sucked into the engine. Carl comes out to see what the noise was, and where's his new car! After talking to Shake about the incident, Carl's head explodes!

THE ALFRED HITCHCOCK HOUR - "The Jar" (1964)

Tonight's Weird Wednesday presentation IS seriously just about as weird as it gets, and I am almost at a loss for words. I guess you just gotta see it to really understand, and I'll attempt to explain why.

"The Jar" was a short story written by Ray Bradbury, and was aired on "The Alfred Hitchcock Hour" in February of 1964.

I was urged to watch "The Jar" by my good friend and associate Lord Litter in Germany, and when he recommends something, I pay attention because he's never sent me on the wrong path yet. So THIS is "The Jar!" What's really in it is anybody's guess, but it is without a doubt, Very Creepy, as you can see! It kind of looks like they took Chris Robinson's monster from "Beast From Haunted Cave," chopped it up, and stuffed it in a pickle jar.

The show is over, and the fair is getting ready to shut down, but this goober named Charlie Hill continues to stare at "The Magic Jar," just as he's done for the last three hours.

 

This show has a completely outstanding and unique cast, starting with Billy Barty as the barker at the sideshow attraction featuring "The Jar." It just gets better from there. Charlie Hill is so mesmerized by "The Jar," he offers to buy it, and gives the barker the last twelve dollars he owns, and takes it home.

No stranger to jars, Billy Barty was only eleven years old when he was in a jar himself in the role of "The Baby" in "The Bride Of Frankenstein."

Pat Buttram has the lead role as Charlie. I haven't seen all of Pat's work, but I'm willing to bet this was the weirdest role he probably ever had. Pat was a born comedian, and is more known for being Gene Autry's sidekick, or Mr. Haney in 147 episodes of "Green Acres," than he is for being a weirdo.

Charlie Hill's ding dong wife Thedy Sue Hill is played by Collin Wilcox Paxton. In 1962, Collin was Mayella Violet Ewell in the forever classic "To Kill A Mockingbird," and in 1964, she was in "The Twilight Zone" episode entitled "Number 12 Looks Just Like You."

Remember those "Oh, Dear, What Can The Matter Be" days, when guys used to buy their sweeties blue ribbons at the fair? Yeah, me neither, but before he spent the rest of his money on "The Jar," Charlie paid extra to get Thedy Sue's name put on this ribbon. 

 

 Charlie and Thedy's loser marriage reminded me a lot of Dave and Liz Walker's relationship in "Attack Of The Giant Leeches," as seen in this photo.

Charlie is SO excited to share his purchase of "The Jar" with Thedy Sue!

Thedy is much less enthused than he is. 

"Take it back Charlie!"

"The Jar" continues to keep Charlie "Hypnotized!"

 

Everybody in the small town where Charlie lives wants to come and get a peek at what's in "The Jar."

The town members are so transfixed by "The Jar," like they're watching the first episode of "Hee Haw" or a wrasslin' match featuring Gorgeous George. 

I'm not going to try and name them all, but here are just some of the spectacular cast you're seeing here.

There's William (Blacula) Marshall as Jahdoo, there's George (Goober Pyle) Lindsey as Juke Marmer, there's Slim (Dr. Strangelove) Pickens as Clem Carter, there's Marlon Brando's older sister Jocelyn as Emma Jane, there's James (The Killer Shrews) Best as Tom Carmody, there's Jane (Ma Joad in The Grapes Of Wrath) Darwell as Granny Carnation, there's Sam (Two episodes of Outer Limits) Reese as Milt Marshall, and that's only a little over half of them.

 

Transfixed!

 

Baffled!!

Bewildered!!!

This woman finally has a nervous breakdown after she decides what's in "The Jar" are the remains of her son who drowned in the swamp many years previous!

But, no, that's not what's in there, and it sure as Hell ain't pickled pig's feet neither!

Pat Buttram had a condition called exotropic strabismus, which is basically the opposite of being cross-eyed, and his eyes at times turned outwards instead.

This little brat thinks what's in the jar is the Boogey Man.

Thedy Sue is a slutty tramp, and after leaving and coming back again, her marriage to Charlie really heads the other way in a hurry. No, they're not dancing!

Thedy Sue is about to make a mistake she's going to regret for the rest of her short life!

 

Oh, I could tell you how it all ends up, but I'm not that nice, and besides, you can see it for yourself on Uncle Earl's Classic TV Channel, if you're that curious.

"The Jar" has fascinated enough people that it has been remade more than once. Ray Bradbury redid it in 1992 on his show "The Ray Bradbury Theater," and Alfred Hitchcock did an updated "Bucket Of Blood" type version about an artist that had Paul Bartel in it as an art critic, and was directed by Tim Burton in 1986, on his updated "Alfred Hitchcock Presents," and that one you can also watch on YouTube for free!