BLACK SANTA'S REVENGE - "One Man Delivers Hope...With A Vengeance!" (2007)

I guess it's about time to get the Yuletide log rolling so for tonight's Wild and Wooly Wednesday Saint Nick style feature, I've got "Black Santa's Revenge" for you!

I'm not trying to be funny when I say one of the best things about "Black Santa's Revenge" is that it's only 20 minutes long! It was refreshing to watch the work of somebody who gets it! Just like in the comedy shorts of yesteryear by Laurel and Hardy, or The Three Stooges, in a 20 minute movie, there's not a lot of time to waste on frivolous crap, and the filmmakers can focus on substance and style instead of filler! I admit I have a short attention span, so this format works for me!

Santa's tired, and his apartment sets the mood! I do think it would be funnier, and more interesting if they just called it "Santa's Revenge," and that you didn't know Santa was black until you saw it!  Why does it matter that Santa is black anyway? Who can prove it's not true?

Ken Foree is Santa! Ken turned a young 70 this year, and is still kicking ass, and not taking names!

Ken Foree has been all over your TV since 1977, and has been in such memorable movies as "Dawn Of The Dead," and "The Wanderers," just to name a couple!

Santa wasn't really into his gig that much until a crew of cheapass thugs steal all the toys donated to charity!

Santa tries, but the local law enforcement agency is no help at all! No wonder since the detective in this shot is Danny Bruno who is unforgettable as the Eisbiber, better known as the beaver Bud Wurstner in the "Grimm" TV series!

What else can Santa do but head on over to the local strip club? 

Oh, Yeah, this really isn't a film for the kiddies, unless they're used to the colloquialism "motherfucker," boob shots, and guys getting violently blown away, otherwise it's perfectly fine!

And then it starts, one of the A-hole punks walks into the strip bar and Santa is pissed!!

Santa goes one step further than Mike Tyson, and bites this sumbitch's whole ear off!

You'd really think that after all this time, dumbass people would learn a lesson, but........

No!

Santa turns out to be a hero as he well should be, So......

Joy To The World, The Lord Is Come,

Let Heaven And Nature Sing!!

BRAIN DAMAGE / Now You're Really Losing Your Mind! - 1988

Here's one especially for our west coast Dungeon Operative, Zillagord... In this twisted story, Aylmer, a rather large, penis-shaped parasite, gives unsuspecting Brian major brain damage by getting him hooked on the hallucinogenic blue fluid that it produces! But, the thousand-year-old worm-like parasite demands something in return for the buzz, human brains! They misspell the little critter's name on the poster! A tale about drug abuse.

This thing stars Rick (WARLOCK III) Hearst, Gordon (THE THIN RED LINE) MacDonald, Jennifer (only acting credit) Lowry, Theo (BIG THUMBS) Barnes, Lucille (only acting credit) Saint-Peter and Dungeon Hero John Zacherley as the voice of Aylmer!

Brian's neighbors love to eat brains, all because they have an ugly little secret.

Oh no, their little pal Aylmer has escaped and they need it back to keep them juiced! They go into a state of shock and withdrawal, foaming at the mouth!

Aylmer ditches the elderly couple to try out a new subject, Brian... Well, hello der!!

Aylmer gets Brian stoned out of his gourd and B wanders into a junk yard. He's hallucinating like a mofo when a guard arrives and roughs him up. Next thing you know, Aylmer attacks!!

Aylmer then directs Brian to this place!! What the?!..

Anyway, Aylmer tells Brian all about its sad tale through the ages. Then, it shows Brian who's boss, it cuts him off from the drug to teach him to do what it wants!!

When Brian's girlfriend gets in the subway car with him, this is what he sees. Unfortunately for her, Aylmer eats her brain!

There's a scene in this movie involving a horny girl, Brian's crotch and Aylmer that is so twisted and disgusting, I just cannot show that still...

But of course, look who's in the car with Brian, it's Duane holding his precious basket!

So, guess who finally show up? Yeah, Brian's manic neighbors, they want their Aylmer back!!

Martha gets Aylmer back, off the back of Brian! But, Aylmer doesn't want them back!

Proof's in the brain pudding!!

After a big tussle though, Aylmer finally gets it, es ist mucho kaput, toast!! That's a wrap!

Okay then, Brian goes home and finds a huge zit on his head, so, he freakin' shoots it. After that, Brian transforms into a psychedelic beacon... You figure it out! Check in again on Wednesday when we beat another Dungeon post out of a bush!

SPASMS - "Death Bite" (1983)

 Sometimes all you can do is say "Wow!" and that's how I feel about this Saturday Night Special feature presentation from down deep in the bowels of "The Dungeon!

This thing is called "Spasms" and like "Wild Thing," it is a Canadian project! An alternate title is "Death Bite." It's about a giant snake with a bite so vicious, that people on the island and other religious groups actually think it's the Devil! The snake's bite is so horrific that in a matter of minutes, a victim will swell up into a bloated mess and eventually just blow apart!

"Spasms" stars Oliver Reed and Peter Fonda, and that's basically the best thing about it!

Oliver Reed's character shares something unexplainable with the snake. It killed his brother, and he now sometimes sees through the snake's eyes. Peter Fonda's character is a Doctor who is supposed to figure it all out. Good luck with that!

Personally, for me Oliver Reed can do no harm! He could just sit in a room and stare, and I'd still find him interesting, and it's a good thing, because that's what he does a lot in "Spasms." 

Peter Fonda is also always fun to watch on the big screen, but for completely different reasons!

Kerrie Keane is Oliver Reed's character, Jason Kincaid's niece. It's slightly odd that Kerrie's first big screen appearance was in "The Incubus" where she played Laura Kincaid!

The side story is there's a serpent worshiping religious cult who also wants the snake!

Al (The Clown Murders) Waxman is the phoney baloney shyster who says he can deliver the snake to the cult! He's an idiot!

This is just a cool portrait of Oliver Reed I had to include!

Jason Kincaid is nuts! He had the snake brought to America. Of course it gets out and goes on a killing rampage and he sees the whole thing!

I'm pretty sure that in every movie Peter Fonda is in, he gets to choose what his character wears, and what kind of vehicle he drives!

A fairly sizable chunk of the film is spent looking at the world from the view of the snake!

This is what the snake saw when this stupid guy from the church opens the box and lets it escape!

The stupidest part of the movie is after the snake kills a couple of people and exists the building, Peter Fonda goes looking for it knowing it will want to find a warm spot, and even though he saw dead bodies with guns couldn't stop the snake, he goes after it with a garden rake.

The snake is now on a mission to kill every female extra on the set!

This one he manages to chase into a bathroom where her blonde room mate is conveniently taking a shower!

We also see a lot of the surrounding countryside through the snake's eyes!

In fact you never see anything but a blur of the snake until the closing minutes

 

It wasn't even easy to get these shots. Too bad, because the snake actually looks pretty scary from these two photos!

I never saw many of these krazy 80's movies the first time around, and ones like this and "Wild Thing" can be pretty entertaining I have to admit. I didn't say good, I said entertaining, and sometimes that's just good enough!