PUNK VACATION / Windjammer Productions Inc. - 1990

Here we go again with another Friday Freak Out, here at The Dungeon!.. This time, the tranquility of a small California hamlet goes south after a diner owner is brutally murdered by a gang of vicious punks. The eldest daughter vows to get revenge on the punks for killing her dad, but she winds up being abducted by the gang. This leads to an all-out war between the punks and the redneck town residents! Shot in the Santa Monica Mountains National Recreation Area, released direct to video.

This one stars a big pile of actors with very few credits attached to their names! Roxanne Rogers plays the punk's female leader, Ramrod, and Don Martin (great name!) plays Deputy Sheriff Don.

The story starts here, when an obnoxious punk on a motorcycle tries to harass a diner owner and his daughter. The owner chases the jackass away but him and his buddies come back to deep six the old man and scare the crap out of the daughter who's waiting in a car!

The punks are holed up in a barn on a ranch, they are a sharply dressed motley crew!

After one of the punks is shot, they transfer him to the local hospital where's he's handcuffed to his bed. The guard has his chair where he sits and checks out a women's undies catalog to kill some time!

The diner owner's oldest daughter gets involved, she tries to kill the punk in the hospital room, then goes out and confronts the punks at the ranch! It doesn't go well... One strange thing is, there are two or three punks with European accents! It's just weird.

Deputy Don and his pal Sheriff Virgil break up the party and rescue the undies-clad daughter.

The word is out and the local rednecks show up with their rifles, time for blood!..

They break up into groups, these guys get caught under nets the punks punk them with! It takes like five minutes for them to get out, when, all you'd have to do is lay your goddamn rifle down, idiot, then, simply, remove the net!! Ach du lieber!

These duffuses get punked when they get knocked off half way across the pipe!

These three dudes are pilling their way up a steep incline by a rope tied to a tree, when, another punk cuts the rope! They take quite a tumble!

Here's Ramrod, she kinda gets what she deserves, she gets shot but gets away at the end, Wow, there you have it, I'm done here. Eegah!! etches another notch on the old Dungeon Wall of the Weird tomorrow, don't miss it...

SATURN 3 - "The Ultimate Space Adventure" (1980)

Welcome to another Wild and Wooly Wednesday down in The Dungeon! I never realized it was so hard for an artiste to capture the likeness of Farrah Fawcett before, but obviously it is! So one of the taglines for this movie was "The Ultimate Space Adventure!" Just remember, they said it, not me!

It's called "Saturn 3" and it was made in 1980! "Sa-Turd 3" might have made as much sense!

Oddly enough, I kind of liked "Saturn 3" and, it must be pretty riveting because I only fell asleep once!

In Spanish or Portuguese, they had to completely change the name to "Saturno 3" or nobody would have understood it!

"Saturn 3" is well-lit eye candy, and as long as you don't take it too serious, you might actually have a good time, maybe!

If I am ever involved with another movie project, this is the way to go! There are basically three cast members. There are a handful at the beginning and end, but the core of the film is three people! They were all pretty big names, but if you made a movie with a cast of three, and didn't have to pay them much, it would sure make film making easier, and look how much extra money they had to spend on set design and effects because of it! For this movie, it's Harvey (Mean Streets) Keitel as the mean spirited Captain Benson!

Farrah (Logan's Run) Fawcett as Alex! (I can't help but think she's a humanoid or a cyborg!) For me Farrah will always be Farrah Fawcett Majors as Jill Munroe on "Charlie's Angels!"

Since 1976, over six million copies of this poster have been sold, and you can still get it on eBay and other online sites!

Farrah has since moved on and left us all behind at the age of 62 in 2009!

Kirk (Lust For Life) Douglas on the other hand seems to be indestructible, and just turned 101 last December!

So, I'm sure those three were paid very well, but having less actors made more money available for neat stuff like this!

Kirk and Farrah did make a handsome couple! I could see why they'd just like to be left alone in space together!

 How can you go wrong? You get a chance to briefly see both Farrah's boobs, and Kirk's 64 year old butt!!

I don't think this artiste did a very good job of capturing Farrah's beauty either, and look at that pouty mouth! They never have a problem so much with Kirk, but they just can't seem to get Farrah's eyes right either!

 You can bet drugs are going to be a BIG problem in the future!

So I'm just guessing you already know what this movie is about, and if not..........

.........I'm sure as Hell not going to be much help! 

Let's just say there's trouble in paradise in the form of a big robot with a small head, and his mentor that he's getting all his information from is a horny homicidal maniac, and I think that pretty much explains it all!

That would be the no longer attached hand of Captain Benson that's freaking out Farrah Fawcett!

This is one of those I just like this shot things!

In an effort to make himself more appealing to Alex, the robot appropriates what's left of the head of Captain Benson! The one thing I don't get is, if all those fragile hoses are so important, wouldn't it be real easy to snip a few of them? They don't look any more durable than your common neoprene or polyethylene tubing! A simple razor knife, and this terror would be toast!

Besides "The Ultimate Space Adventure," one of the other tag lines reads....."Some 'thing' is wrong on Saturn 3," and that is the real story!!

THE CRAZIES / George A. Romero and Pals - 1973

What we gots today is a George Romero tale that goes like this - A biological weapon has been accidentally released in a small town in Pennsylvania (what else is new?!) and bouts of insanity are leading to murder and rioting! Then, the US Army shows up and things go to Hell even faster than expected...

Mostly a pile of no-name actors fill out the cast, making for, well, you know, a lot of crappy, unconvincing acting, and you just hope that they get it first! Spoiler Alert... This is NO NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD!!

Things start happening right about here, suddenly, this doctor, who's wearing a gas mask, works on a burned boy at the hospital...

Then, we start seeing Army dudes wearing contamination suits scooting around town in their Jeeps! Used this photo because I like signs at night!

Their job is mainly to round up all the stray townspeople and detain them in schools and government facilities. They even go to the local church and gather up the followers!

I don't care how you cut it, this is NOT scary! There's a lady in the back, sweeping with her broom, and before the scene ends, she's in the foreground sweeping up the fallen bodies!!!

Next up is this scene where Army dudes shoot this mom, then they burn her to death with a flame thrower right in front of her son!

Here're two shots showing the fear and turmoil of the students and teachers as panic sets in about the situation. Just check out the looks on all the faces of the extras, it's anything but fear and panic! I see a freakin' peace sign!.. Hilarious!! Producers must have been pulling their hair out, they even paid the little shits for that shit!! We'll fix it in post, right?!

Far ouuut, man!..

I don't know, there just seems to be something wrong in these two photos...

Whenever you make a low budget horror movie, it's always good to get some arty shots in!

Okay, so... This is how I felt after 10 minutes into the story!

Okay, so... I don't drink, but, this is how I felt after getting this far into it!!

Everything just gets bonkers...

Back to the show, dude throws the people he's killed into the basement... Nigh-tee-o!

What the Hell, not again!!.. Hey, if you guys can't get serious this time, no one's getting paid!! Yeah, that's right!.. And I swear, YOU!!.. I'll come over there and punch you right in the face!!

It's sad that the movie doesn't even come close to being what it should have been. Anyway, another scratch mark on the old Dungeon wall, we're back on Wednesday with more stuff 4 U