DEF-CON 4 - " OMG, The Battle For The Future Of The World Has Begun" (1985)

 DEF-CON, DEF JAM, or DEF Fluid? You tell me what's relevant and what's not! 

 I knew nothing about the movie "DEFCON - 4" until just a few hours ago, and after I finish writing this, I probably won't remember most of it! So I don't know where to put the dash, the poster has it as "Def-Con 4"and the title card has it "Defcon-4", so I think I'm just going to go with "Condição De Defesa!" That simplifies things a lot!

 

 This is the kind of movie that makes you think, just what in the Hell were they thinking anyway? 

The clock is ticking!

From the title, I  thought "DEF-CON 4" was a 1985 space opera, and it does start out that way, but in no time at all after the nuclear bomb toting vessel comes down after a series of nuclear bombs have gone off, it turns into a tale of nuclear holocaustic society governed by a 1980's pretty boy punk, and a bunch of dolts! 

The Captain on the right who because of his hair and rank, you assumed was the hero, gets killed off in the first 15 minutes or so!

Finding good transportation at the end of the world is going to be difficult!

Now this is a great looking shot, but is it worth two million is the question?

1985 film formula, lots of juxtaposition between gross and incredibly stupid! This scene truly stinks!

This is the leader of the new world! The casting director should have been castigated because this film just might be the biggest waste of almost two million Canadian dollars ever! 

Public hangings are always a nice touch!!

 The Supreme Being Boss Boy has a cool 1985 cassette player, and as cool as he ain't, I'm sure he's listening to a C-60 by Lord Litter, or Don Campau, or any number of other amazing 80's indie talents!

Kind of pretty in an odd sort of way!

No Shit! Everything has been blown to smithereens! Don't you feel a whole lot better now? Let's just hope these clowns got it wrong!

HUNDRA / Continental Movie Productions - 1983

Here's a story about Hundra, a girl born into a tribe of fierce warrior women, she has been raised to despise the influence of men! She's an archer, warrior and sword fighter, and is superior to any male. She finds her family slain and takes a vow of revenge... Filmed in Spain.

The movie stars Laurene Landon as Hundra, a tall, leggy, well-built statuesque blonde actress, often portraying tough, two-fisted, no-nonsense action heroines! A few other films she was in are ROLLER BOOGIE, FULL MOON HIGH, THE STUFF, MANIAC COP, WICKED STEPMOTHER and FUTURE PUNKS (and, was born on my birthday!).

As Hundra roams the countryside, she encounters a band of mean dudes on horseback and ends up taking them all out with her awesome warrior skills!

She ends up in a city where she's accosted by a drunk, horny, rude dude. He forces her to take a big drink of booze to get her ready for the fun he has planned.

When she fights off his gross advances, he grabs a whip and uses it on her...

But, she has a big surprise for him, she grabs him where it hurts and ends up putting him out of commission while she escapes his clutches!

Meanwhile, the city's ruler's being entertained by slave girls having their cloths raised by a creep, exposing their private stuff!

This flick is all about going for the nuts! The reason is, well, it works like a charm when fighting off men, and, she teaches all the girls this very effective little trick!

Back at the ranch, the evil ruler has some special games in mind for Hundra...

She gets to fight off all these horny bastards, and, fight she does! The blood starts to flow!!

Then, this crazy knucklehead puts her in a choke hold, but, not for long. She flips him off the stage onto his aching back and kicks him in the nuts for good measure!!

All the slave girls celebrate Hundra's victory over the men, and. I'm attracted to girl #2...

Everything turns out swell. There are actually a few men that aren't chauvinistic pigs and Hundra heads off for another adventure. Hey, tune in again tomorrow when Eegah!! will haunt this space!!

THE HEP CAT (1942)

 "The Hep Cat" came out in 1942 and was the first Looney Toons cartoon in colour!

 He's cool, he's hip, he's one hep cat!

The back story is probably that he's playing craps and smoking reefer when he's not out strutting his stuff!!

The hep cat's nemesis is of course, the dog!

 Only the bird is smart enough to question why this same routine goes on night after night after night!

For an extra super hep cat surprise, PULL MY FINGER!

 "I got cat class and I got cat style" - The Stray Cats

 "Walk like an Egyptian" - The Bangles
 You can watch this whole Java Jive musical number right here!!  
It's a good one!!

Spiffing up for another night out on the town, super cool like Victor Mature!

 Finally, hey sweetcheeks, where'd you come from?

Oh, no, it's just another wicked ruse by the dog and his hand puppet!

 This part's pretty weird! While they're making out, and he's feeling her up, the hep cat thinks the dog's bulbous nose is really an amazing bubble butt on the chick he just met!

 REALITY Check!!

 I also love the fact that there's a bottle of booze in the garbage! After all, cartoons are for kids, right?

You gotta admit, this is an interesting Ménage à Troi of an ending!
And also, Happy Anniversary to our dear friends B and A, because they got cat style!