Wednesday, October 19, 2016

HALLOWEEN SAFETY - "Second Edition" (1985)

This is so important, I should probably have saved it for a Saturday Night Special presentation, but oh well, Wednesday will have to do, because...

Tonight's feature from 1985 is another Dungeon public service announcement, because you just can never be too careful, especially these days, so pay attention, and heed all these safety tips, and you'll have a much better chance of surviving Halloween!!

First rule, you don't have to be an evil clown to be weird!

This is a freaky deaky little group of kids!
That Casper costume is pretty dang strange in my opinion!!
Casper with hair, Extra weird!!
This is Jack O'Lantern, the host and narrator of the show!

Safety tips happen before you even leave the house!!

If you get slimy pumpkin guts on your hands, be extra careful with knives!
Now that's good advice!

This Mom is a little tweaked because she had to cut the eyeholes out into a slot so her son could see better and not be tripping! The people who made this film must have had a much bigger budget than us when we made "Silver Angel Vs. The Death Robots," because we didn't even have enough money for tin foil, and could only afford silver paint for our robot costumes!

This is a very weird composite transition photo of what can happen to you if you get caught in between dimensions! You gotta be careful, kids!!

Rule number four, Ditch your Mom! She's killing all the scary in your costume!!

In 1985, it was normal to take pictures of all the cute kids coming to your door!

Unfortunately times have changed! I tried this in 2015, and an overly protective Father that probably should have stayed home and drank a few more beers, wanted to kick my ass, and started yelling at me, "Are you taking pictures of my kid, ARE YOU TAKING PICTURES OF MY KID??" 
That about did it for me and trick or treaters!
This is seriously one of the most innocent but destructive behaviors you can do!
Mix eggs with tempura paint, and after it bakes on a wall, it will last 100's of years, literally!

Do not stomp on anybody's Jack O Lanterns! That's just downright rude! 
Only a Creep would do something like that!!

Here's some good nutritional advice!
Never eat anything bigger than your head, even if it's candy!

Are they coming for candy, or are they coming to get you! 
You can just never tell!

The final two tips for Halloween safety are fairly simple!
Once you get back home with all your free loot, make sure all the candy hasn't been tampered with, and be especially careful to make sure there are no razor blades, or LSD hidden inside!

AND.... if the candy looks to be over 15 or 20 years old, just toss it!
So, that's it, follow these few safety tips and have a much safer Halloween experience, or just go to the store and buy three dollars worth of candy, and stay home and watch a good scary movie instead, and leave all the trick or treating to the real weirdos! Yum!


TC said...

One Halloween, our local hospitals were offering to X-ray the trick-or-treaters' candy. My neighbor (who was a paramedic) snorted, "Who would want to eat candy that's been irradiated?" has safety tips for pet owners. Basically, don't let pets eat treats that are not specifically intended for them. Chocolate and artificial sweeteners can be toxic to dogs and cats. Also, use LED lights instead of candles to reduce the risk of fire. Don't take pets trick-or-treating, or let them go to the door to greet trick-or-treaters, unless you know they are OK with kids and strangers. And don't put costumes on animals unless you know they are OK with it.

EEGAH!! said...

In upteen million years, I've never seen a trick or treater with a dog or a cat! Seriously though, just in case anybody doesn't really know, chocolate is really bad for dogs!

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