RAY MASTER l'INAFFERRABILE - "Diamonds Are A Man's Best Friend" (1966)

This week's Saturday Night Special is like a lukewarm bath, it still feels good, but not great. The IMDB entry starts off with "Amazing Italian movie..." but again, not half bad, but no way near amazing!

 

This Italian film was made in 1966, and is called "Ray Master l'inafferrabile," and released in English as "Diamonds Are A Man's Best Friend."

Not that many years ago, I searched out this film, and finally found a copy on a website now deceased, but these days you lucky people can watch it by just clicking on this link, and I hate to say it, but it's even a better looking copy than the one I have. There's just one little thing, it's not in English!

 

"Bright Lights, Big City!"

The star of "Ray Master l'inafferrabile," is Félix (Elevator To The Gallows) Marten as a very suave and tricky thief named John Martin.

The object of his affection is a crown jewel called "The Mountain Of Light!"

The jewel is worth a million dollars, and it seems like John Martin and his team spend about two million trying to steal it.

The crowd is in awe of the jewel's beauty!

John Martin stalls out the elevator, rides on top of the adjacent one, steps over and reaches in, and he's got it! But if it was that simple, the movie would only be ten minutes long, in fact, that's not even the real jewel.

John realizes he's being tailed, so he takes a picture of the guy, and then hands it to him, so he realizes that they are onto him!

I was really hoping this cool looking band was going to play some good music, but to my despair, they don't, and instead we get more oobie doobie vocals from Maestro "Mah Nà Mah Nà," Piero Umiliani.

This fancy miniature spy-type radio is hidden in a book about the size of "The People's Almanac."

Here you can see how thick the book is. I would think reading a book that thick while you are at the pool would be more suspicious that the little radio inside. The woman in the pool is John's gal-pal-enemy-lover Veronica Turner as played by Liana (The Devil In Love) Orfei.

 

The jewel is super protected by guards and video cameras, but John and his crew are able to replace the video footage, so when they're stealing the diamond, it still looks like it is safely where it belongs.

It's all too scientific for me, but somehow they are able to levitate John, so he doesn't step on the floor and set off the alarms.

This time he got the real thing!

Veronica is not treated very nicely by anyone on either side, and is slapped, pushed around, and tied up a couple of times before the movie is over.

To avoid getting caught with the jewel in customs, John's buddy has a pair of binoculars that also act like a high-powered blowgun, so before he boards the plane, he stops for a second, and his pal shoots it into his briefcase in a special container.

Another gang that wants the diamond threatens to make John permanently blind, but for some reason, they don't follow through, and just throw him in a locked room instead!

I think I could have easily just shown you all the various outfits Veronica wears over the course of the movie, and it would have been just as interesting!

The bad guys finally get the jewel, and put it in this Hotel's safe. John then shows up, and says he needs to store some expensive electronic e quipment for the night. Once the safe's door is locked, John's box opens up, and a midget gets out and reclaims the jewel!

The final switcheroo finds the jewel stashed inside the butt of John's umbrella.

John and Veronica have a good laugh in the end, but it's really not very funny!

UP FOR GRABS / Jon & Tom Weaver - Monster Kid Home Movies - 1980

Here's a fine example of some Monster Kid Home Movies made by Jon and Tom Weaver in an edited production with music from NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD! Tom has gone on to be one of the "leading scholars in the horror field" and has written many books on the subject. Many of us are familiar with his work.

Now, what better way to start a Monster Kid Home Movie that a big shout out to Forry and Famous Monsters!.. Well, none!

A grave digger has just finished lunch and is on his way back to the cemetery to dig another grave... Notice the product placement, smart!

When the guy gets to the site though, a freaking ugly zombie is crawling out of its grave!

And the thing is not messing around, he charges at the grave digger!

The grave digger runs and runs but he just can't get away from the damn thing!

Trying to lose the monster, the guy runs through the cemetery where he sees another person there laying flowers on a grave.  He warns the person of the danger but the dapper dude gets offended and pushes the grave digger away, basically, get away from me, you're crazy!

The grave digger keeps on running as the zombie drops in on the non-believer!

The person playing the monster is one strong guy, he tosses his victims around like they are nothing, and picks them up over his head!! He easily puts this guy in a tree before he starts chomping on his neck!

It gets really wild when the zombie jumps on the car the grave digger is driving.

The zombie falls off the hood of the car and rolls down a hill. Just to make sure the thing is out of commission, the guy turns him over.

Now, what do you think was going to happen?!

The gets away from the monster again and runs to a home where he finds a shovel to protect himself from the creep.

He gets the zombie on the ground and chops its hand off with an ax!

Then he starts it on fire!! Hope that does the trick!

The grave digger runs home but is concerned that the thing will show up there too!

He goes into a back room to hide and closes the door, just in case.

He tries to call the cops but the telephone isn't working, like, help Mr. Wizard!!

Then something opens the door and comes at the grave digger!..

I'm curious, I wonder when this ending was used for the first time in film... Well, there you have it, another Monster Kid Home Movie bites the dust, here at The Dungeon!..

KILLER DILL - "Not Exactly A Gangster" (1947)

Despite the thousands of films we've written about, I always marvel at how much I still don't know, and that is the case with tonight's Whacked-Out Wednesday presentation!

This Danish poster is great! It takes at least three separate elements of the film, mixes them up and exaggerates them.

 

When I first saw the title "Killer Dill" I thought it was a misprint and that they actually meant "Killer Diller," because there is also a movie called "Killer Diller," that was released the year after "Killer Dill," but they really have nothing in common, except they are both fun to watch.

"Killer Dill" was made in 1947, but it is set in the 1930's during the Prohibition period. Here's a good shot of exactly why they used to call it 'Bathtub Gin.'

Stuart Erwin is Johnny Dill, a meek and timid lingerie salesman, and on the left is Anne Gwynne as Judy Parker, a woman he really likes a lot and would like to marry, but he just can't get around to asking her. 

I've noticed a lot of misinformation about this film on the internet, or more specifically IMDB, like they call Johnny a door-to-door salesman, and say that Johnny is "the exact double of a notorious gangster," which is not the case at all.

Stuart Erwin and Anne Gwynne are joined here by Johnny's longtime friend, a loser attorney named William T. Allen as played by Frank Albertson. William is the kind of friend that borrows money, and doesn't pay it back so he can take out the girl that Johnny himself desires. William is a real ass!

Stuart Erwin was a popular enough actor that he had his own TV show titled "The Stu Erwin Show," that ran for 130 episodes from 1950 to 1955. The always awesome Anne Gwynne graced the big screen in some amazing titles like "Weird Woman," "House Of Frankenstein," "Dick Tracy Meets Gruesome," and "Teenage Monster." Frank Albertson has 194 credits to his name as varied as "It's A Wonderful Life," and "Psycho."

 

After William T. Allen borrows money again from Johnny to take out Judy, Johnny takes his assistant to the movies instead to see a film called "Public Enemy # 21." Dorothy Granger is Johnny's assistant Millie. Dorothy Granger had an amazing 264 credits, many of them comedic shorts!

The movie they watch includes a scene that has a mock up of James Cagney in "The Public Enemy," and the infamous 'grapefruit to the kisser' shot.

Johnny learns from Millie that chicks dig tough guys, and he's so disgusted, he walks out on the movie!

Johnny decides that maybe that's the kind of guy he needs to be if he's ever going to win Judy Parker's heart, so he goes to a local speakeasy to try his luck with a new persona.

Johnny finds out in no time at all that indeed, women do like tough guys!

The real 'Public Enemy #21,' Big Nick Maronie comes into the joint with a couple of members of his posse. Big Nick was played by Ben Welden, another actor with an amazing 249 credits that included great stuff like Foo Yung on "Batman," eight episodes of "The Adventures Of Superman," in roles like Lefty, Blade, and Leftover Louie, and Sollum on "Space Patrol."

The girls that Johnny is talking to don't like Big Nick staring at them, so Johnny, totally full of himself, and not knowing who Big Nick is, decides he'll take care of it for them!

To show how tough he is, Johnny goes over and tweaks Big Nick's nose, an action he's going to regret in a hurry!

Now it's time for Johnny to learn a new game, a modern version of William Tell. On the right is Dungeon All-Time Hero Mike Mazurki as Little Joe, which is hilarious since Mike was actually six foot and 4 and a half inches tall. Former professional wrassler,  Mike Mazurki has played every type of thug in the world, guys with names like Rhino, Lunk, and Moose.

There is no loyalty in the crime world, and Little Joe decides to follow the money, and strangles his boss Big Nick for a rival gang member, Public Enemy # 24, a guy named Maboose, looking to move up in the ranks.

Little Joe now needs a place to stash the dead body of Big Nick.

Little Joe finds the door open to Johnny's place and stuffs the body into Johnny's case of lingerie samples, and the story is off and running. Johnny finds the body and tries to ditch it, but the case falls out of the back of a truck he rents, and opens up onto the street, and Johnny's goose is now cooked well done!

The newspaper headlines tell the whole story!

Johnny is in hiding, but William T. Allen convinces him to turn himself in. William tells Johnny he'll take the case, and easily get him off, even though he's lost all the previous twelve cases he's ever worked on!

Despite William's worthless defense, the jury decides to declare Johnny innocent, but the public still thinks that Johnny was guilty. At this point Johnny has to act like a tough guy again to try and impress Maboose, who now wants to recruit Johnny, and then dispose of him after he's through using him!

Johnny then gets Little Joe to sign a confession to the murder of Big Nick, but William T. Allen tears it up, telling Johnny that it would only hurt Judy!

William T. Allen had plans to marry Judy, but when she finally realizes what a heel he is, she decides to marry Johnny instead, and Will ends up in jail as one of Maboose's associates.

The "Top Review" on IMDB calls "Killer Dill" "Immediately Forgettable," but just like a lot of other information about this film, that person doesn't know what they're talking about, and I couldn't agree less! "Killer Dill" is able to do what many films fail at, it's both light-hearted and halfway serious at the same time, and is a fun little ride that I don't have a problem recommending!