JOHN KLINGS ABENTEUER - "Nachtexpress" (1965)

Back in April I was introduced to the German TV show "John Klings's Abenteuer" but there wasn't really any way to watch one of the shows only a few months ago!

So, pull up a seat, cause it's time for Wünderbar Wednesday in The Dungeon!

Shhh..........

Don't tell anybody but now there are a bunch of high quality episodes streaming on YouTube, and even though they are in German with no sub-titles, I can enjoy them with my limited knowledge of the German language, and the help of Lord Litter in Berlin, who was able to supply me with a enough of a synopsis that I could kinda know what the Hell is going on!

 I'm telling you, somebody's going to make a fortune some day, and all they have to do is provide voice overs or sub-titles, because there are shows like this that people in the U.S. know nothing about, but I'm sure they'd like to if they just knew!

 "Nachtexpress" was episode one of the "John Klings's Abenteuer"show.

John Kling and Jones Burthe have got this very important package to deliver from Turkey to Udine in Northern Italy, and they're going to have to get on the night train to get it there safely, hence the title "Nachtexpress!"

"All aboard, all aboard for the Night Train!"

 This punk has got a camera that looks like a camera but is actually a high powered gun!

Lore Calvies is Daniela! 

Daniela is in every third or fourth scene, and she's always checking her makeup!

Lore was Frau Kling in the German TV series "Die Pulvermänner" which roughly translates to "The Powder People." I don't know about you, but I think there's something fishy going on here!

The bad guys want the soil sample in that package really bad, and it seems like everybody on the train is against John and Jones. Knockout drops is one way to get things started!

 He should be asleep by now, so we'll just quietly drill a hole in the door without anybody noticing as long as you don't look too crazy back there!

 I will now just insert this piece of 5/16" clear vinyl tubing into the hole, and fill the compartment with lethal gas of unknown origin!

That package is as good as ours!

 Hey man, WTF!?

 Jeez, John, are you all right??

 Dieser scheiss ist vermasselt!

I think I'll just smoke my 19th cigarette in this 30 minute episode!

 When Daniela isn't checking her makeup, she's making krazy eyes at somebody!

 John and Jones have just about had it with these bozos!

 It's pretty much non-stop excitement!

 Dammit, I forgot the punchline!

 Daniela, looking good as ever, has one more chance to check her makeup!

 The trick was all those jerks spent all that time trying to get the package, when John Kling had sent the one real one through the good old fashioned mail system, so all that poisoning, hole drilling, gassing, and knife throwing was for naught!

This isn't the book about the "Nightexpress" but it does have a train on the cover!

             

Anyway, if you don't believe me, go check it out for yourself!

ZERO HOUR! / Reckless, Breathless Adventure! - 1957

As promised, my posts this month are going to be all over the place! So today, we're going back to 1957 for a camp cult classic starring Dana Andrews... During a commercial flight, both pilots and a number of passengers suffer food poisoning, thus forcing an ex-WWII fighter pilot to try and land the airliner in bad weather and heavy fog, with the assistance of his brave wife and a Captain he knew from his past!

This one stars Dana (made this movie directly after CURSE OF THE DEMON) Andrews, Linda (CLIMAX!) Darnell, Sterling (THE ASPHALT JUNGLE) Hayden, Elroy (CRAZYLEGS) 'Crazylegs' Hirsch, Geoffrey (DR. WHO AND THE DALEKS) Toone, Jerry (THE NAKED AND THE DEAD) Paris and Peggy (ABBOTT AND COSTELLO MEET THE MUMMY) King.

Just days before the war ended, Lt. Ted Stryker led a fighter unit where six of his pilots lost their lives. He blames himself and cannot get over it...

His trepidation bleeds over into his post war life with his wife and son. He gets home to find a note that says she and the kid have taken a flight to visit her sister...

Whoa!!.. Check it out, there I am on a flight back to the fifties, in order to get the Hell out of the present! I'm the guy at the top of the stairs.

Anyway, back to the show... Ted just makes the flight and his son gets to visit the cockpit as dad accompanies him. That's Crazylegs there on the right. A waitress comes in and asks everyone if they want meat or fish for dinner...

All seems great so far, so, Tony pulls out his 'Mike Meadows' sock puppet and asks the stewardess for a kiss!.. Just watch the movie, you'll see what happens!

Okay ever'bloody, fasten those seat belts and lean forward!.......

Suddenly, a woman is very sick and a doctor on the flight attends to her. Then, Ted's son becomes ill. Both have terrible stomach aches!

They hit some turbulence and the co-pilot smashes his face on the controls, knocking him out cold... Hmmm, a pattern is starting to appear!

At this point, the doctor has determined that the fish was bad and was the cause of the sickness. Crazylegs then remembers, he had fish too!! Seconds later, he collapses.

Old coot has the solution to all those problems!!

Guess who's flying the ding-danged airplane now! It's either the Invisible Man, or, no one, and I'm putting my money on the latter!

Ted has no choice, no one else knows anything about flying an airplane, only him. Reluctantly, he agrees, and his wife Ellen joins in to assist.

Break time, here's a cool shot as this gal watches some rock and roll on her TV set.

Then, Capt. Treleaven is brought in to help Ted (who's having flashbacks from the war) land the plane. The Captain still has a beef with Stryker over the incident with his lost crew members. But, he agrees and asks for a cigarette. He then mutters, what a lousy time to quit smoking!

Sterling is a ton of fun to watch here, my favorite character in the movie!

Guess what goes wrong now! Right, good guess, yeah, the freakin' radio goes dead!! After some tense moments though, Ted is able to tune in to the the ground crew again.

Mom comes back to check on the kid. Looks like he's turning into a zombie! Makes you wonder why all the people who had fish thought it tasted just fine!! I mean, like... ZOMBIES?!

Okay, we're getting close to the runway, and the Captain is yelling his head off, saying... You're coming in too fast, you're coming in too fast, slow down!!

So, Ted does everything in his power to slow the plane down!..

He finally brings the plane in safely (just the landing gear were damaged) and all the sick people are rushed to the hospital, saving the day! Well, there you go, another post bites the dust, here, at The Dungeon!!

FUNLAND - "Welcome To The Abusement Park" (1987)

 Halloween's over, so now it's on to Turkey Time, and the first Saturday Night Special of the month, a totally insane movie that was made in 1989 titled "Funland!"

 "Funland" is an amazing piece of Pop Culture garbage with a wild and crazy cast! It would be a pretty good movie if it was only about an hour shorter!

 Funland is an amusement park and one of the main attractions is Bruce Burger/Neil Stickney as the Brewster's Burgers clown. As Neil, he was an accountant for Funland, but after a nervous breakdown, he became the clown Bruce. His best friend and puppet pal is Peter Pepperoni!

 They're getting ready for opening day, and the owner of Funland, Angus Perry, tells all the employees that he intends to keep Funland up and running as a family business forever!

Angus was played by the distinguished William Windom. He's another of the few actors that was ever in one more than one "Twilight Zone." He was in both "Five Characters In Search Of An Exit," and "Miniature," and besides that, he has another 251 credits!

 The next day they find Angus dead! 

Supposedly it's suicide, but a bunch of gangsters knocked him off so they could get their dirty hands on Funland!

 After the funeral, they open the park anyway!

 The hot ticket food item is the Pizza Burger! Yum!

There's not really any foul language of nudity in this film, but there are lots of sexual innuendos, and strange comedy bits!

Of all groups they had to host, of course the main one would be the "American Council On Rectal Surgical Supplies!"

 I don't even know what to make of this sign!

 The gangsters take over Funland and Bruce Burger gets the boot! They kick him out of his dressing room, and send him over to the wax museum which is no longer open to use as a dressing room.

If Bruce looks the least bit familiar to you, it's because it's the iconic 'Squiggy' from the "Laverne and Shirley" TV show, David L. Lander.

 Once inside the wax museum, two of the wax figurines come to life, Bogie and Marilyn.

Bogie was played by Robert Sacchi, who made a career of being Bogie, and he's real good at it!

I played Hell trying to find out who the blonde was, and there was no info on the IMDB, so I watched the ending credits again, and they said it was Dawn Stone as Bogie's companion. I couldn't find any other information on her at all. This whole movie's a joke, so why should the credits be real?

 Robert Sacchi is always cool and his first performance was in a 1972 film called "The French Sex Murders," that you can read all about right here!

 "Funland" was shot at the real amusement park called "Six Flags Over Georgia!"

 Bruce freaks out a little bit when the dead Angus shows up in the cafeteria line.

 Besides being a ringer for Bogie, Robert Sacchi shows that he's not a one trick pony!

 

 And what I meant by that is here Robert is also playing the ringleader of these mobsters, Mario DiMauro!

 "Funland" is chock ful of nutty humor, like this guy in drag who strips down to his skivvies, and the intolerant rednecks in the audience storm the stage. 

There's one questionable bit that has black guys working in a watermelon concession stand, and I swear at one point when all the crowd is coming in through the front gate, there is a group of people in white hooded outfits that don't quite fit in. All in the name of humor I guess, but.....Really?

 They replaced Bruce with a classically trained actor who is not happy about the whole thing at all!

 Like I was saying before...........

 As a disc jockey goes on an endurance ride on the roller coaster, they have a ring card girl counting off the rounds just like in a boxing match!

 The credits say that Donald Trump's ex-wife Marla Maples is in "Funland" as a Mother, but this is about the best shot I could get of any blonde Mothers, so I don't know if that's her or not, because they never show the face of this character.

 So......After being egged on by his dead boss and the wax figure of Bogie, Bruce comes up with a plan to disrupt opening day. He steals one of the DiMauro boy's weapons and starts targeting people like his replacement. He fires off a couple of rounds, but he never shoots anybody. 

What does happen is that he draws the attention of the owner of the gun, who tries to get it back, and gets shot in the process!

Bruce is declared a hero since nobody really knows what happened, and is able to buy the park, and live happily ever after!