CAMEL SPIDERS / A Roger Corman TV Movie! - 2011

Here's a New Horizons TV movie that Roger Corman was the executive producer. Seems strange, but, here you go... The story's based on actual creatures that have tormented US troops in the Middle East. The voracious spiders have now invaded the southwestern deserts of the US. The Camel Spiders roam freely as they hunt for prey, unafraid of anything, including man. No place is safe and no one is beyond their paralyzing attack!

Eegah!! and I loved insects and spiders, we had a 1" version of this species in our area, and I'm telling you, it was terrifying to watch them feed on other insects!.. SERIOUSLY.

This one stars Brian (SLEEPWALKERS) Krause, C. (MAD DOGS AND ENGLISHMEN) Thomas Howell, Melissa (MUNCHIE STRIKES BACK) Brasselle, Frankie (TOMB OF THE WEREWOLF) Cullen and Hayley (RAPTOR) Sanchez.

Over in the Middle East, our troopers are fighting the enemy, and, there are US casualties. Those get boxed up and sent back to the states...

Unfortunately, back in the states, a troop transport carrying the caskets gets in a wreck, causing a crack to open. A pile of Camel Spiders dart out into the desert. They had laid eggs in the bodies... The timeline seems whack, but, whatever.

The damn things are huge, and fast!! The CGI looked great throughout the movie.

Okay, the teacher there, out learning his students all about nature and stuff, well, he's stupid enough to walk over to one of them to say hi...

After all Hell breaks loose, a small group of people make it to a military facility, where, the people in charge there try to figure out their next move.

How would you like to try and identify a charging Camel Spider in that light?

Dude's car stalls, so, he opens the hood... (I would have never imagined that just having a varmint sitting there would make a car stall!) Anyway, the guy closes the hood just a little too late, you get the picture.

These guys seem to have an endless supply of rounds in their rifles, and, they mow down all of the attacking monsters in their tracks.

But, they're coming out of the freakin' building now. They call in the jets and the missiles do their thing, blowing the Hellish Spiders to smithereens!

Great job private, now, gimme 50 push ups for losing your hat!

So, everything's perfect now... Wait a minute, this is a Corman flick, actually, something's quite wrong at this drive-in theater...

That's right, the spiders ain't goin' away any time soon. In THE TINGLER style, we see the little monsters on the screen... Join us tomorrow when we return with more cool junk 4 U.

LA MALA ORDINA - "The Italian Connection" (1972)

Here's a solid Weird Wednesday film for you!

 It might not be the most ridiculous movie ever made, but it's a strong contender!

It's called "La Mala Ordina" or auf Englisch, "The Italian Connection!"

The American 'stars' are Henry Silva and Woody Strode!

Right out of the box, this movie makes no sense! This "Godfather" dude wants some insignificant mosquito pimp eliminated, and he wants to make sure that everybody knows about it!

His name is Luca Canali, and he's played by Mario Adorf!

A survey from a few years back has Mario Adorf as the number two most popular actor of all time in Germany!! And why not, Mario has 200+ credits to his name, and I'm not sure he's done yet!

Let's see, I already told you that Luca was a pimp!

Don't threaten Luca with your petty knife, or he'll headbutt your ass, and then you'll be sorry!

My Dad had big ears, and I've got big ears, but this bat boy has got us both beat!

World class villain, Aldolfo (Larfo) Celi as Don Vito Tressoldi is the last man you want to see you dead! An interesting side note is that Mario Adorf and Adolfo Celi have both been in the movie "Ten Little Indians." There's just one thing, it's two different versions of the movie. Mario Adorf was in the 1965 release as Herr Grohmann, and Adolfo Celi was in the 1974 film as The General!
Agatha Christie's "Ten Little Indians" was also the basis for movies made in 1959, 1981, 1987, and 1989! I guess that's when you know it's a good story!

The killer Pop Rock Disco Funk soundtrack was created by Armando Trovaioli!

The makers of this film go out of their way to get your attention, and the boob count is high!

Here's a good look from the book, "Whores Of The World!"

Almost timeless!

I just love this wacky shot!

Looking as good as ever, Sylva (Lisa And The Devil) Koscina, has the role of  Luca Canali's estranged wife!

Wow! To prove they're not messing around, they kill Luca's ex-wife and daughter!

Everybody in the world might be trying to kill him, but he's not going to let some bastard get away with that!

The hard headed Luca headbutts the windshield to get to the killer!

Exactly!

OF UNKNOWN ORIGIN / Two Forces Have Claimed The House. Only One Will Survive! - 1983

In today's twisted tale, Bart Hughes has a good life, a beautiful wife, a young son, a good job with promotion prospects, and a renovated brownstone in New York... When the wife and kid leave for vacation, Bart stays behind to work on a project that will earn him a promotion, unaware that a certain inhabitant in his basement has other plans. Bart goes a bit bonkers trying to kill this rodent, destroying most of his house in the process.

It stars Peter (ROBOCOP) Weller, Jennifer (CADILLAC GIRLS) Dale, Lawrence (BRIDE OF CHUCKY) Dane, Kenneth (PHOBIA) Welsh, Louis (SCANNERS) Del Grande and Shannon (HOT DOG... THE MOVIE) Tweed.

Here's Bart working away in his high rise office while the wife and his son are away on vacation. He's working on a deal that will earn himself a big old promotion!

But, Bart has a rodent problem in his newly renovated apartment. He starts doing research into the critters and finds a lot of info he wishes he didn't know about rats. He even looks at photos of people that were bitten by the killers, including children!

He becomes obsessed about his home invader and at his office meetings, all he does is give creepy statistics about rats to his partners. They think he's losing it.

Things keep getting scarier, like when the damn thing is hiding in the toilet!

Bart tries to relax but has some company under the bed spread...

If things weren't bad enough, well, the damn dirty rat gnaws through the wiring and causes the lights to go out. So, Bart gets the candles out.

Bart chases the varmint into the basement where he tries to grab it inside a doll house. But, Bart forgets that he left a brutal rat trap inside, and, it snaps onto his left hand!.. Like, freakin'... OUCH!!

After such a fucked up day, Bart hits the bottle and relaxes in a tub of warm water...

He starts dreaming, his wife has returned from vacation, as they play on the bed they forget that the son is in the kitchen, unaware that the rat is ready to pounce on him!

Bart is woken up by the rat and jolts onto a hammock to get away!

Enough is enough, Bart has had it! It's time to beef up his baseball bat to meet the requirements it takes to kill the dirty rat. Looks pretty impressive!

Bart hears the rat above the ceiling, he hits the spot with his bat and the thing breaks through and falls onto the floor. That's one big mofo!

Bart destroys the place trying to get to the rat, it's always a step ahead!

He finally corners the rat in the doll house, this time though, he nails it, bringing this epic battle to an abrupt end...

The wife and kid return from vacation. After they go into the house, she wants to know what happened. He tells her he had a party... Hey, we're back Wednesday with another new post, just for you!