FIVE GOLDEN DRAGONS - "Time Of Our Lives" (1967)

The soup du jour for this Saturday Night Special is one of the most bizarre films I've seen lately! I've seen a lot of weird movies, but "Five Golden Dragons" is right up there at the top, especially in the category of bigger budget movies! They have nothing in common, but for some reason, this film reminds me of William Castle's "13 Frightened Girls," I guess just because it's so odd!

They claim it to be an Edgar Wallace story, which would explain a lot, but IMDB only credits Harry Alan Towers and Peter Welbeck as writers!

I've always been a big fan of Bob Cummings, because I used to watch his TV show "Love That Bob" aka "The Bob Cummings Show," all the time as a kid, and in the context of that show, I always thought he was hilarious, but in "Five Golden Dragons," he just seems lost! In fact, about half the time, he doesn't even seem to know that he's in this movie!

What's much more important than the five dragon characters is the trio of Euro beauties used in "Five Golden Dragons!" It gets pretty confusing too since Maria Perschy seen here is a character named Margaret!

And Maria Rohm is a gal named Ingrid!

And Margaret Lee is a club singer named Magda!

So out of three actresses, two are named Maria, and two are named Margaret!

The two Marias are of Austrian descent, and Margaret Lee is British.

Maria Perschy's Margaret is the first to go!

 I don't usually notice screw ups, but it's hard not to notice Margaret's dead eyes blinking as the scene ends.

You know it's got to be an Edgar Wallace film because Klaus Kinski is in it, looking as cool and weird as ever in his Pee-wee Herman polka dot bow tie!

Here's the original mock up for the title card!

This movie has got everything including a rickshaw chase scene!

Almost every moment Bob Cummings is on screen is awkward especially when he's in a scene with Margaret Lee.

One thing I really liked about "Five Golden Dragons" was there were three songs performed in the club. Two songs were performed by Margaret Lee and....

..........Yukari Itô also gets a chance to do a number!

I was just wondering if they did this because of the popularity of the song "Sukiyaki (Ue o Muite Arukou)" by Kyu Sakamoto. "Sukiyaki" reached number one on the Billboard charts in the United States in 1963, and has sold over 13 million copies worldwide!

Robert Cummings was in the "Twilight Zone" episode titled "King Nine Will Not Return," and if you want to see him in a better role than this, then go watch Hitchcock's "Dial M For Murder!"

I think this was the second guy that got tossed off a building!

Finally, it's time for the "Five Golden Dragons" to show up. Five guys who are so rich and powerful, they run everything, but this is going to be the first time they ever meet!

The first dragon is Dan (The Bamboo Saucer, Black Angel) Duryea!

Brian (The Creeping Unknown, Quatermass II) Donlevy is dragon number 2.

Sir Christopher Lee is dragon number 3.

And looking like he'd rather not be bothered, George Raft is dragon number four!

 There's still time for Klaus Kinski's character to eat it!

So, yeah, these super rich and powerful men get together, put on these stupid costumes, and play a sophisticated game of Russian Roulette, kind of, except nobody found the bullet!

Dragon number five finally shows up too!

I saw at least five different posters from around the world for "Five Golden Dragons," and only one of them even had a picture of the star of the movie, Bob Cummings in it, and even on that one, he was very small!
The big sell was these four guys, and those three girls!
Just Weird!!

THE RAVEN / Joseph Bucan: Monster Kid Home Movies - 1970

Welp, here we go with another Monster Kid Home Movie, this time from 1970. It's a kid's adaptation of Poe's THE RAVEN, so, don't be surprised by what you see here!..

This 5 minute silent 8mm 'horror' story starts with something mysterious happening outside Edgar Allen Poe's country home on one dark and lonely night, somewhere...

Believe it or not, this is Edgar Allen Poe, at home, doing some reading and thinking...

Suddenly, Edgar hears something outside, he goes to the window, then to the door... Hmmm, WTF... By the way, nice curtains!

The sound is in the house now, Edgar turns around and the camera pans quickly across the room... The bottom still fascinates me.

And guess what?!.. There's a freaking... Well, novelty toy that looks like a Raven I guess. Anyway, Edgar has that required 'quote the Raven, nevermore' dialogue with the bird...

Then, the Raven turns into a girl!! Huh?!.. I picked out this still because it's just so stunning with all that crap on the print, great job guys!

So, they use a fan on the girl's hair for a spooky effect... Wow, scary!

The girl changes back into the Raven and Edgar tells it to get the Hell out!

Next thing we know, Edgar has disappeared... (?)

Then, we're outside, fade to black!

Here's a classic for you, it sez... The Emd, amazing!.. Stupid kids! So, there you go, join us tomorrow when Eegah!! will set 'em up, just to knock 'em back down!

THE MALTESE FALCON - "Cut 'Em Off At The Past" (1941)

Tonight's Wednesday Classic is the 1941 film "The Maltese Falcon" starring the always fun to watch Humphrey Bogart!

"The Maltese Falcon" is a krazy movie with an amazing cast of characters! I feel stupid even writing about it, because I just feel like everybody should already know everything about a movie like this, but then, maybe not considering the school system these days!

I'm not exactly sure where this movie takes place......

......Maybe in California if I had to guess!

Probably my favorite comedy bit is The Firesign Theatre's "The Further Adventures of Nick Danger," from their album "How Can You Be In Two Places At Once When You're Not Anywhere At All," which is an insane story about a private detective named Nick Danger that is totally based on "The Maltese Falcon."

One of the very first audio gags at the start of the story has Nick Danger introducing himself as Regnad Kcin because he's reading his name backwards from the writing on the glass door just like this!

Humphrey Bogart is Detective Sam Spade, and his partner is Jerome (Black Zoo) Cowan as Miles Archer!
 In the middle is their new client, an absolutely insane woman in my opinion named Brigid O'Shaughnessy, posing as a Miss Wonderly, as played by Mary (Hush...Hush, Sweet Charlotte) Astor!
Jerome Cowan was also in the "Twilight Zone" episode titled "The Sixteen-Millimeter Shrine."

Right out of the box, Miles Archer is shot and killed!

Sam Spade can only get so upset by the death of his partner since he was having an affair with his wife!

This is a great shot of Sam visiting the scene of the crime!

Here's an amazing pair of Detectives as played by Barton MacLane and Ward Bond!!
Barton MacLane had 182 tough guy credits including "Nabonga," "The Mummy's Ghost," "Cry Of The Werewolf," and "Unknown Island."
It's hard to see Ward Bond as anybody else except Major Seth Adams after watching over 100 episodes of "Wagon Train" as a kid!

Sam Spade and Miss Wonderly develop a very strange relationship!

Bogie must roll and smoke at least five cigarettes during the course of the film!

And...Of course, Peter Lorre is in there as the sleazy weasel Joe Cairo!
In the Nick Danger episode, the Joe Cairo character is named Rocky Rococo, because The Firesign Theatre recording is a combination of "The Maltese Falcon," and The Beatles' song "Rocky Raccoon!"

I could watch the scenes with Bogie and Peter Lorre all night long!

Let's not forget the masterful weirdo Elisha Cook Jr. is also in there as hit man Wilmer Cook!
Just some of Elisha's freakin' 219 credits are "House On Haunted Hill," "Black Zoo," "The Haunted Palace," "Blacula," "Messiah Of Evil," etc. etc., and you could usually count on him to have a name like Ice Pick, Mousy, Sweeper, Inky, Banjo, or Spinks!

It's cool to see Bogie smile!

Finally, the package containing the famous bird arrives!

And there it is, in all it's glory, "The Maltese Falcon;
Too bad it's a fake!!

If you've never done it before, now's the time to spend that extra 28 minutes and eleven seconds you've got to listen to
"The Further Adventures Of Nick Danger!"
It's a guaranteed good time!

I'm just going to leave you with this!

 I honestly believe this is one of the most remarkably odd posters I've ever seen!