SATURN 3 - "The Ultimate Space Adventure" (1980)

Welcome to another Wild and Wooly Wednesday down in The Dungeon! I never realized it was so hard for an artiste to capture the likeness of Farrah Fawcett before, but obviously it is! So one of the taglines for this movie was "The Ultimate Space Adventure!" Just remember, they said it, not me!

It's called "Saturn 3" and it was made in 1980! "Sa-Turd 3" might have made as much sense!

Oddly enough, I kind of liked "Saturn 3" and, it must be pretty riveting because I only fell asleep once!

In Spanish or Portuguese, they had to completely change the name to "Saturno 3" or nobody would have understood it!

"Saturn 3" is well-lit eye candy, and as long as you don't take it too serious, you might actually have a good time, maybe!

If I am ever involved with another movie project, this is the way to go! There are basically three cast members. There are a handful at the beginning and end, but the core of the film is three people! They were all pretty big names, but if you made a movie with a cast of three, and didn't have to pay them much, it would sure make film making easier, and look how much extra money they had to spend on set design and effects because of it! For this movie, it's Harvey (Mean Streets) Keitel as the mean spirited Captain Benson!

Farrah (Logan's Run) Fawcett as Alex! (I can't help but think she's a humanoid or a cyborg!) For me Farrah will always be Farrah Fawcett Majors as Jill Munroe on "Charlie's Angels!"

Since 1976, over six million copies of this poster have been sold, and you can still get it on eBay and other online sites!

Farrah has since moved on and left us all behind at the age of 62 in 2009!

Kirk (Lust For Life) Douglas on the other hand seems to be indestructible, and just turned 101 last December!

So, I'm sure those three were paid very well, but having less actors made more money available for neat stuff like this!

Kirk and Farrah did make a handsome couple! I could see why they'd just like to be left alone in space together!

 How can you go wrong? You get a chance to briefly see both Farrah's boobs, and Kirk's 64 year old butt!!

I don't think this artiste did a very good job of capturing Farrah's beauty either, and look at that pouty mouth! They never have a problem so much with Kirk, but they just can't seem to get Farrah's eyes right either!

 You can bet drugs are going to be a BIG problem in the future!

So I'm just guessing you already know what this movie is about, and if not..........

.........I'm sure as Hell not going to be much help! 

Let's just say there's trouble in paradise in the form of a big robot with a small head, and his mentor that he's getting all his information from is a horny homicidal maniac, and I think that pretty much explains it all!

That would be the no longer attached hand of Captain Benson that's freaking out Farrah Fawcett!

This is one of those I just like this shot things!

In an effort to make himself more appealing to Alex, the robot appropriates what's left of the head of Captain Benson! The one thing I don't get is, if all those fragile hoses are so important, wouldn't it be real easy to snip a few of them? They don't look any more durable than your common neoprene or polyethylene tubing! A simple razor knife, and this terror would be toast!

Besides "The Ultimate Space Adventure," one of the other tag lines reads....."Some 'thing' is wrong on Saturn 3," and that is the real story!!

THE CRAZIES / George A. Romero and Pals - 1973

What we gots today is a George Romero tale that goes like this - A biological weapon has been accidentally released in a small town in Pennsylvania (what else is new?!) and bouts of insanity are leading to murder and rioting! Then, the US Army shows up and things go to Hell even faster than expected...

Mostly a pile of no-name actors fill out the cast, making for, well, you know, a lot of crappy, unconvincing acting, and you just hope that they get it first! Spoiler Alert... This is NO NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD!!

Things start happening right about here, suddenly, this doctor, who's wearing a gas mask, works on a burned boy at the hospital...

Then, we start seeing Army dudes wearing contamination suits scooting around town in their Jeeps! Used this photo because I like signs at night!

Their job is mainly to round up all the stray townspeople and detain them in schools and government facilities. They even go to the local church and gather up the followers!

I don't care how you cut it, this is NOT scary! There's a lady in the back, sweeping with her broom, and before the scene ends, she's in the foreground sweeping up the fallen bodies!!!

Next up is this scene where Army dudes shoot this mom, then they burn her to death with a flame thrower right in front of her son!

Here're two shots showing the fear and turmoil of the students and teachers as panic sets in about the situation. Just check out the looks on all the faces of the extras, it's anything but fear and panic! I see a freakin' peace sign!.. Hilarious!! Producers must have been pulling their hair out, they even paid the little shits for that shit!! We'll fix it in post, right?!

Far ouuut, man!..

I don't know, there just seems to be something wrong in these two photos...

Whenever you make a low budget horror movie, it's always good to get some arty shots in!

Okay, so... This is how I felt after 10 minutes into the story!

Okay, so... I don't drink, but, this is how I felt after getting this far into it!!

Everything just gets bonkers...

Back to the show, dude throws the people he's killed into the basement... Nigh-tee-o!

What the Hell, not again!!.. Hey, if you guys can't get serious this time, no one's getting paid!! Yeah, that's right!.. And I swear, YOU!!.. I'll come over there and punch you right in the face!!

It's sad that the movie doesn't even come close to being what it should have been. Anyway, another scratch mark on the old Dungeon wall, we're back on Wednesday with more stuff 4 U

CITY BENEATH THE SEA - Suzan Ball - "Handle With Care" (1953)

 

Tonight's Saturday Night Special is an undersea action and adventure tale in Technicolor from 1953 called "City Beneath The Sea!" Don't look for any giant octopi!

"City Beneath The Sea" would become a very popular title between 1953 and 1971. There was a TV series in 1962 that was a different story but had the same title, then there was a failed pilot for another TV show in 1969, and finally, the king of disaster movies, Irwin Allen came out with a TV movie by the same name in 1971.

Can't beat the location!

Here's our heroes! On the left is Robert (Captain Nemo) Ryan, and on the right is Anthony (Quasimodo) Quinn! 

They're better at deep sea diving than they are at driving!

Lalo (Touch Of Evil) Rios is the First Mate called Calypso! You can tell he's First Mate by his professionally made uniform!

There are three ways to explore the ocean! Surface level snorkeling, mid level scuba diving, and deep deep down deep sea diving.!

Special 1953 equipment!

 The most exciting part of the movie is this song from the club with the stunning Suzan Ball performing "Handle With Care!"
The club singer's name is Venita, aka Mary Lou Beetle! Suzan's life was a super sad story that you couldn't possibly make up. Suzan was Lucille Ball's second cousin, and a singer and a dancer. During a dance number she hurt her leg, and later fell and broke it. It was then discovered to be full of tumors so they had to amputate it, but the cancer quickly spread to her lungs and she succumbed to the horrible disease some six months after her 21st birthday! What a real tragedy!

 After that great song, a fight scene breaks out, and the band just keeps on jamming!

Since this movie is not a fantasy, the underwater city is uninhabited! There's the remains of some civilization and a ship that was hauling a million dollars in gold, and that's about it! No dancing girls!

Robert Ryan's love interest is the Captain of the boat they're using to look for the gold who is played by Mala (The Unknown Terror, The Colossus Of New York) Powers!

This voodoo dance scene looks like one of Tabonga's abstract paintings!

The voodoo element is kinda creepy, but they never go anywhere with it! These two shots are pretty krazy though!

They do find the gold, then they lose it, and then they are offered an opportunity to go find it again!

Happy couples!!

Happy ending!

I'm not a big fan of the underwater movies genre as I've stated here before, but despite that, I still liked this movie! Great colour, great club scene, and Anthony Quinn's character is over the top macho 1953! How the Hell can you possibly go wrong? It's just good fun, and I just love the fact that the two gals in this lobby card are not the two they end up with!