Saturday, August 20, 2011

PLAYGIRL KILLER - Neil Sedaka - J.B. and the Playboys - "The Waterbug et al" (1968)

It's the Tortured Artiste effect again, pseudointellectual researchers to the metal, and taken to the next level in "Playgirl Killer", a title that makes almost as much sense as the movie itself or the fact that it's been released as "Portrait Of Fear," and/or "Decoy For Terror!"

First things first, Tortured Artiste or not, and even though I do it, everybody knows it's not cool to wear white socks with sandals, unless it's winter, and that's even questionable, so you have to wonder about this guy's sanity right out of the box!

Damn it! He was trying to sketch, and he kept telling her to stop moving around, then the voices in his head started talking to him, something silly was bound to happen! So now we've got a Tortured Artiste on the run, and you wouldn't have much of a movie if he didn't get away!

It's 1968, so it's time to cut to the pool party, and who should be here but Neil Sedaka as Bob, and Linda Christopher as Betty. The last time we heard or saw from Neil Sedaka, he was singing about doing "The Jellyfish" in another classic period piece, "The Sting Of Death!" Neil is either a very good sport or he just has really bad taste, I'm not sure which, maybe both! Linda retired after this gig, and her two previous appearances were as the Receptionist in "Adulterous Affair" and on the TV show "A Go Go '66" as a dancer!

What red blooded male would be foolish enough to turn down this job? Bob puts the lotion on Betty's older sister Arlene played by another Christopher named Jean! Jean was only in 4 productions herself, one of which was the same "Adulterous Affair," and she also had two TV appearances, one on some show called "Nightcap," and once on another show titled "The Party Game!"

Later, when the sun goes down, the music starts cooking, and the opening act is J.B. and the Playboys! It's funny, on IMDB they give one guy, Allan F. Nicholls, credit as the whole band! Allan was a member of the popular 60's Canadian band, but he wasn't the whole band! Part of the reason the band broke up was just because of their name! Besides other changes in the band, they were always getting confused with Gary Lewis and the Playboys, and it just wasn't working out!

Hey, here he is, the headliner, Mr. Neil Sedaka performing "The Water Bug!" Unlike "The Jellyfish" and "The Waterbug," Neil has had some ultra-classic hits over the years like "Oh, Carol," "Calender Girl," "Breaking Up Is Hard To Do," "Happy Birthday Sweet Sixteen," and he had a hit song called "Stairway To Heaven" 11 years before Led Zeppelin!!

Here's where the two parties cross paths, Arlene has volunteered to close the place up and the Tortured Artiste is trying to get the Hell out of Dodge, but the garage door is stuck, so the poor girl needs some help!!

The Tortured Artiste doesn't want to do it, but he begrudgingly stays around to help her, since Arlene is so desperately in need of some attention!! Wink, wink!

Because he's such a freakin wonderful person with an amazingly riveting personality, Arlene ends up posing for him too, and you don't have to have a lot of imagination to know where this is headed!!

The Tortured Artiste has lots of symbolically bad dreams! So what?!? I had a dream last night that I was given front row seats at a major concert, and there was a big mix up on the seats, and the band onstage finally told me to sit down, and I didn't kill anybody today!

Actually, he didn't kill Arlene during that sitting, the script calls for them to have a night in the sack first in order to sleaze the whole thing up a notch!

This innocent gal shows up fresh off the bus, and tortured boy talks her into putting on one of Arlene's bathing suits, and going for a swim with him!! Bad choice!

The Tortured Artiste's name is Bill, and he is one of the few people in this film with any real credits! So who is this crazy guy who mastered the one raised eyebrow psycho look years before The Rock! It's William Kerwin, who among other things, before this, had a fine run of weirdness with Herschell Gordon Lewis that included "Boin-n-g," "Blood Feast," "Goldilocks And The Three Bares," "Bell, Bare And Beautiful," and "Scum Of The Earth" etc. William racked up a total of 146 roles before passing on in 1989!

He jumped in the Caddie and drove afar!!!

Bill is now officially on a spree, and it's time for him to get out and mingle, so he heads on over to the Royal Embassy Hotel to catch Nikki's act!! Nikki was portrayed by Andrée Champagne!

In a major contribution to the 'Go Figger" department, Andrée Champagne was appointed to the Canadian Senate on August 2, 2005 as a conservative!

Andrée has also served in Canadian government as assistant chair of the Committee of the Whole House of Commons!

Andrée was also Deputy Speaker of the House of Commons!

She has also been Minister of State for Youth and Amateur Sport! What a gal!!

"You're not an artist, you're insane!" There's always that fine line, and that quote pretty much sums up the whole thing!

Gauguin... Van Gogh... Manson... Bill....... for more information, head on over to The Trash Palace!!! What a Bug!!

Friday, August 19, 2011

IDAHO TRANSFER / Kathleen Film Prod. Co. - 1973

Welcome to Friday Night Drive-In with Tabonga, here at The Dungeon!.. Tonite we gots a movie shot in the Craters of the Moon National Monument in Utah! Just checking to see if you're paying attention. Anyway, IDAHO TRANSFER was shown theatrically for only a limited time in 1973 because the distributor, Cinemation, went bankrupt during the first week of it's release!

The original music is by Bruce Langhorne. It's said that Bob Dylan wrote in the liner notes of his Biograph Box Set that Mr. Tambourine Man was inspired by Bruce because of a gigantic tambourine he was playing at a session, and, the vision of Bruce playing it just stuck with him.

Welp, guess it's time to bring in our littlest Dungeon helper and button pusher, of course, it's... Rufus The Gnat! He's ready to start the show, so, push the big red 'GO' button, now, Rufus! Here's the... IDAHO TRANSFER!

The convoluted, depressing story goes something like this... A crew of young researchers use their time machine to go into the future to avoid the shutdown of their project. In the future, they find some type of 'eco-crisis' in the area around their lab, and, they want to know if it has spread beyond there. Stranded in the barren future, though, they all go exploring the countryside in different directions. One of them travels even further into the future and meets a family in a modern car, so, did the people of Earth actually make it through the disaster?..

A pretty good way to start any flick is for a girl to take her pants off!

So, this is the researchers' time machine... Love how you have to time travel without your pants on!! Pants and shoes go in that compartment she has open. It's kinda hot if you think about it, though! Wow, and, real creative job with the lights... USA!! USA!!

One of the girls finds out that funding for their project may be cut off by Nixon!

Before this new researcher joins the team, she has to get a cavity filled. The coolest part of the flick is probably that FRANKENSTEIN poster there on the wall!! But, why in the Hell do they have human anatomy charts in a dentist office?! Weird.

It's amazing how ancient the Hippie Bluegrass tune sounds. You could actually be a gypsy in America in 1973!

New girl learns how the time machine works... Okay, relax while I massage your back... Then, I'll just press this big pushy thing, here... Now, close your eyes!

Wait, this is just a big pile of rocks! Where's the beach?! Where's the guys?!! You said there'd be lots of guys!!!

Well, you wouldn't have come if I told you the truth, now, would you?!

After falling off a rock, the one girl dies on the transfer back to the present. Their funding is gone for sure, now! Things get extremely complicated at this point as there are a number of other researchers still in the future, blah, blah, blah...

Check out Keith Carradine's shirt! This was Keith's 8th acting role, he had already appeared in McCABE AND MRS. MILLER, an episode each of BONANZA, LOVE, AMERICAN STYLE and KUNG FU, and was in EMPEROR OF THE NORTH! He's in this movie for about 2 minutes.

I lost interest in the flick right here, when they let this dude ruin what used to be a beautiful thing!..

After being stuck in the future time zone, they all set off to explore the beyond.

This is all these guys find.

Does this guy find boxcars full of dead bodies?

When studs die, catfights ensue!

Back in the present, a half naked chick appears right in front of dude as he chews on his baloney and cheese sandwich!

After he drops everything and runs out of the room like a scared schoolgirl, (what an idiot!) she grabs what's left of his lunch and scarfs it down! Hey, good old Foremost Milk!

Mam!.. Mam!!.. You're in the men's restroom!.. Some of the guys really need to go, bad! So, could you please come out of there?!..

Bad feelings die hard in the future.

So, you go farther into the future to avoid a confrontation! Nothing to do but wander aimlessly...

But, you meet these travelers along the way!

Here's a post-disaster family in their car of the future. One thing they definitely got right is, no bumbers!

Monster Music

Monster Music
AAARRGGHHH!!!! Ya'll Come On Back Now, Y'Hear??