Saturday, August 20, 2011

PLAYGIRL KILLER - Neil Sedaka - J.B. and the Playboys - "The Waterbug et al" (1968)

It's the Tortured Artiste effect again, pseudointellectual researchers to the metal, and taken to the next level in "Playgirl Killer", a title that makes almost as much sense as the movie itself or the fact that it's been released as "Portrait Of Fear," and/or "Decoy For Terror!"

First things first, Tortured Artiste or not, and even though I do it, everybody knows it's not cool to wear white socks with sandals, unless it's winter, and that's even questionable, so you have to wonder about this guy's sanity right out of the box!

Damn it! He was trying to sketch, and he kept telling her to stop moving around, then the voices in his head started talking to him, something silly was bound to happen! So now we've got a Tortured Artiste on the run, and you wouldn't have much of a movie if he didn't get away!

It's 1968, so it's time to cut to the pool party, and who should be here but Neil Sedaka as Bob, and Linda Christopher as Betty. The last time we heard or saw from Neil Sedaka, he was singing about doing "The Jellyfish" in another classic period piece, "The Sting Of Death!" Neil is either a very good sport or he just has really bad taste, I'm not sure which, maybe both! Linda retired after this gig, and her two previous appearances were as the Receptionist in "Adulterous Affair" and on the TV show "A Go Go '66" as a dancer!

What red blooded male would be foolish enough to turn down this job? Bob puts the lotion on Betty's older sister Arlene played by another Christopher named Jean! Jean was only in 4 productions herself, one of which was the same "Adulterous Affair," and she also had two TV appearances, one on some show called "Nightcap," and once on another show titled "The Party Game!"

Later, when the sun goes down, the music starts cooking, and the opening act is J.B. and the Playboys! It's funny, on IMDB they give one guy, Allan F. Nicholls, credit as the whole band! Allan was a member of the popular 60's Canadian band, but he wasn't the whole band! Part of the reason the band broke up was just because of their name! Besides other changes in the band, they were always getting confused with Gary Lewis and the Playboys, and it just wasn't working out!

Hey, here he is, the headliner, Mr. Neil Sedaka performing "The Water Bug!" Unlike "The Jellyfish" and "The Waterbug," Neil has had some ultra-classic hits over the years like "Oh, Carol," "Calender Girl," "Breaking Up Is Hard To Do," "Happy Birthday Sweet Sixteen," and he had a hit song called "Stairway To Heaven" 11 years before Led Zeppelin!!

Here's where the two parties cross paths, Arlene has volunteered to close the place up and the Tortured Artiste is trying to get the Hell out of Dodge, but the garage door is stuck, so the poor girl needs some help!!

The Tortured Artiste doesn't want to do it, but he begrudgingly stays around to help her, since Arlene is so desperately in need of some attention!! Wink, wink!

Because he's such a freakin wonderful person with an amazingly riveting personality, Arlene ends up posing for him too, and you don't have to have a lot of imagination to know where this is headed!!

The Tortured Artiste has lots of symbolically bad dreams! So what?!? I had a dream last night that I was given front row seats at a major concert, and there was a big mix up on the seats, and the band onstage finally told me to sit down, and I didn't kill anybody today!

Actually, he didn't kill Arlene during that sitting, the script calls for them to have a night in the sack first in order to sleaze the whole thing up a notch!

This innocent gal shows up fresh off the bus, and tortured boy talks her into putting on one of Arlene's bathing suits, and going for a swim with him!! Bad choice!

The Tortured Artiste's name is Bill, and he is one of the few people in this film with any real credits! So who is this crazy guy who mastered the one raised eyebrow psycho look years before The Rock! It's William Kerwin, who among other things, before this, had a fine run of weirdness with Herschell Gordon Lewis that included "Boin-n-g," "Blood Feast," "Goldilocks And The Three Bares," "Bell, Bare And Beautiful," and "Scum Of The Earth" etc. William racked up a total of 146 roles before passing on in 1989!

He jumped in the Caddie and drove afar!!!

Bill is now officially on a spree, and it's time for him to get out and mingle, so he heads on over to the Royal Embassy Hotel to catch Nikki's act!! Nikki was portrayed by Andrée Champagne!

In a major contribution to the 'Go Figger" department, Andrée Champagne was appointed to the Canadian Senate on August 2, 2005 as a conservative!

Andrée has also served in Canadian government as assistant chair of the Committee of the Whole House of Commons!

Andrée was also Deputy Speaker of the House of Commons!

She has also been Minister of State for Youth and Amateur Sport! What a gal!!

"You're not an artist, you're insane!" There's always that fine line, and that quote pretty much sums up the whole thing!

Gauguin... Van Gogh... Manson... Bill....... for more information, head on over to The Trash Palace!!! What a Bug!!

6 comments:

prof. grewbeard said...

a friend of mine was working at the ER and a patient came in who had cut off his own William 'cause God told him to! pay no heed to those voices!

Eegah!! and Tabonga! said...

Now that's some soundproof advice!!

Exeter said...

WoW!
I haven't seen this one but I hope
somebody does Neil in real good before the end! Ewww!

zillagord said...

I hear laughter in the rain...

Greg Goodsell said...

In the new documentary HERSCHELL GORDON LEWIS: GODFATHER OF GORE, people recall Bill Kerwin as being an alcoholic and a sex fiend.

Eegah!! and Tabonga! said...

Oh, Well, Nobody's prefect!!

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