ALPHAVILLE, UNE ÉTRANGE AVENTURE DE LEMMY CAUTION - Paul Misraki - "Dick Tracy On Mars" (1965)

"ALPHAVILLE"!! This ain't George Jetson's future, it's..........

Lemmy Caution's, and there ain't no flyin' cars neither!!

It's Eddie Constantine as Lemmy Caution in a dark and grimy future world of dames, booze, cigarettes, and planetary mysteries!!

Director Jean-Luc Godard's vision of the future was stark and realistic! Look around you, it's almost 2010 now, does it look like the future envisoned by most authors?! No, but they did have a cool looking futuristic jukebox in that slimey dive, and all the women are marked with numbers, easier to keep track of them that way, I guess!

Lemmy had just got to Alphaville from The Outlands, and was trying to unwind, and he's already got an intruder in his room that he has to dispose of!

Lemmy is here to see who he thinks is the Boss, Howard Vernon as Professor Leonard Nosferatu Von Braun!! We've written about Howard Vernon before because, when you need an evil doctor or professor, he's the man to call, whether it's Dr. Mabuse or Dr. Orloff or Professor Von Braun, he's the epitome of Evil, Evil, Evil!!!

See! It's the future! You can tell if you look in the right places!!

This gal must be a real tart, she's wearing her serial number right out front where everybody can see it!! Woo Woo!!!

In the future, Illogical behavior like crying gets you executed, and then stabbed to death by bathing beauties as a performance piece for the big shots!

Lemmy needs to talk to The Boss real bad!

But his efforts are thwarted by a couple of thugs, and he gets interrogated by The Real Boss, Mr. Alpha 60, the computer with the most annoying voice since David Bowie's "Laughing Gnome!"

Even this part made Lemmy laugh, these two evil Professor's names are Eckel and Jeckel. Hell, I'm laughing even as I write it!!

Lemmy's love interest is Anna Karina as Natacha von Braun. She is also numbered but has never met her famous father, as far as she knows!!

You get the picture! In the future, there is no such thing as love or art, or poetry, or free thinking unless you're the one in charge!!! Wait a minute, what year was this? 1965? Gee whiz, it really is the future! Help, Mr. Wizard!!!

Okay, that's enough already with the philosophy, time for Lemmy to kick some superiority complex ass!

Oh, so sorry Mr. Big Shot, was that your head??

The stark, harsh and very repetitive soundtrack was composed by Paul Misraki, another French composer we've talked about recently, who composed music for 130 movies stretching from 1931 to 1993. Man some of these musical cats are just too much! Aie pitié!!

HAVE YOURSELF A VERY SCARY X-MAS!!!

Fa La La La La, La La La Aaaahhhhhh...!!!!

GRAVE OF THE VAMPIRE - 1974

Tagline ~ "Father and son--related by BLOOD! ANYONE'S BLOOD!"

Tabonga here!.. Today we gots a wild an' weird tale of dad versus son, vampire style! Flick star William Smith, who have 272 acting credit and is still kicking. Did you know that William had first acting role as village boy in THE GHOST OF FRANKENSTEIN in 1942?!.. After that, he was on almost every TV series and played Joe Riley in 56 episodes of LAREDO 1965-7! "...What's in the bag, Goose?!"

Nice soundclip again today, '8' on Creepy Meter, and include some choice dialogue! Music is by Jaime Mendoza-Nava who end up with 78 composing credit including THE GRASS EATER, ORGY OF THE DEAD, THE FEMALE BUNCH, EQUINOX, BLOOD LEGACY, DROP OUT WIFE, HOUSE OF TERROR, PSYCHO FROM TEXAS, MYSTERIES FROM BEYOND EARTH, CREATURE FROM BLACK LAKE, RIP-OFF, JAILBAIT BABYSITTER, VAMPIRE HOOKERS, MAUSOLEUM and TERROR IN THE SWAMP to name a few!

Ralphie the Tarantula standing by for turn at the big old red 'GO' button to start today flickclip rolling... rolling into you brain like some kind of eaters!.. Push the button, now!.. DRAC AN' SONNY BOY!

Flick start innocent enuf, you know, boy and gurl having lotsa fun, being all horny in creepy graveyard at night, etc.

Ahem, I do believe that the name of the film is... GRAVE OF THE VAMPIRE, not HORNY KIDS IN A GRAVEYARD!

Look like undead Caleb Croft at least have good company while he sleeping in old dingy casket for last 3 year!

All dude are peeping-tom, but, especially vampire!

Caleb pull boyfriend out of car and put some kind o' hurt on him before he suck out his blood for first meal in 3 year!!

Now, time for dessert!!

After incident, gurlie find out the horrible truth...

She gonna have a baby!

Enter William after 35 minute into story, he was baby vampire from flashback in previous photo, who's mom feed him tasty breast blood! He look very healthy, too! Guess what, William was 41 years old when he do this role!!

"You stand right here for one minute, and let me do all the work!"

Tabonga just have to show this extra cool pic from party!

Freakin' vampire peeping-tom, jeez!!

Let's see if bullet stop this fucker!..

Nope, guess not!

Climactic fight scene between dad and son is possible best part of flick. First, dad push son into lit fireplace. Nice guy!

Why, I'll!..

Here, let me pop that big ol' zit for ya!

Mom, Jimmy hurt himself... BAD!!

Cast you' vote, now!

NELLA STRETTA MORSA DEL RAGNO - Riz Ortolani - "Web Of The Spider" (1971)

Well, as we head on into the holiday season, you gotta admit, nothing quite screams X-mas like Klaus Kinski, so let's get that yuletide ball spinning with "Web Of The Spider"!!!

Dungeon stalwart Klaus Kinski appears here as Edgar Allen Poe himself, and the film begins with Edgar telling one of his stories in the local pub and a sweat drenched frenzy! Although this is really just a bit part, Klaus plays it up to the hilt!

American Anthony Franciosa shows up just in time to be invited to spend the night in a haunted castle! This is a pretty strange role for Tony, who rarely appeared in scary or foreign films. Tony also went on to reprise Dean Martin's Matt Helm role for 13 TV epsodes in the mid 70's!

Riz The Season, So.....Here we go again, the music is composed by Riz Ortolani, and Riz has literally amped it up this time with lots of cool distorted single guitar riffs that really set the mood. Most period pieces choose to use the music of the time, but, as you will hear, this works a lot better!! This is the castle where Alan ends up spending the night alone!

Well, he thought he was going to be alone, or at least that's what he was told!!

So after bumping around in the dark, and hearing lots of weird sounds, Alan finds out that he's not alone after all. First, he meets Michèle Mercier as Elisabeth Blackwood, who he really goes for!

And some of the people who reside here, like Karin Field as Julia have an eerie resemblance to the paintings on the walls!

Oh, yeah, and don't forget about ole Peter Carsten as the Übercreepy Dr. Carmus, who you might remember from one of his many roles in films and TV shows like "Dud" or "Slom" or "Tren" or "SOKO 5113" or maybe not!

Talk about Creepy, director Antonio Margheriti wasn't messin' around!! Working frequently under the name of Anthony Dawson, he directed too many films we've featured here in both Horror and Sci-Fi like "Spacemen," "Castle Of Blood," "Wild, Wild Planet" and "Lightning Bolt" and is currently working on a film about Genghis Khan!!

Alan is not having that great of a time any more as he goes in circles from one death to another murder and back to more death again, and a bunch of sorry explanations from Dr. Carmus and the girls!!

Then he gets the Really bad news, not only are all the people in the house dead, but they are also all vampires and ghouls!! Shit! No wonder nobody ever made it through one night before!!

Alan somehow manages to make it to the dawn, and is all ready to get Elizabeth out of there so they can live happily ever after when.......

Something goes terribly wrong........and.....

Edgar has yet one more ghastly, but true story to tell, that nobody is ever going to believe!!!