THE MILLION EYES OF SUMURU - "She Rules A Palace Of Pleasure... For Women!" (1967)

Of all the movies we've really looked forward to seeing after spending uncountable hours trying to locate a copy, "The Million Eyes Of Sumuru" turned out to be one of the most disappointing of all, kind of like looking through your own armpit!

After seeing "The Seven Secrets Of  Sumuru" aka "The Girl From Rio" and writing about it a couple of years ago, I was hot to trot to see this one which was made two years earlier, but it sure wasn't worth the wait!

Now how could a movie like this possibly be bad? Maybe it's because Jess Franco directed the other one!

"The Million Eyes Of Sumuru" is rife with talent, pop culture, and beauty like Shirley Eaton, who was also Sumuru in "The Seven Secrets Of Sumuru,"  but honestly, I preferred her in that film, "Ten Little Indians," or even "Goldfinger!" Shirley was also in three of the 'Carry On' films, "Carry On Sergeant," Carry On Nurse," and "Carry On, Constable." She quit acting after making "The Seven Secrets Of Sumuru!"

Two Dungeon faves for sure, George Nader as Agent Nick West, and Frankie Avalon as Agent Tommy Carter both have roles that are completely unbelievable, and it's fair to say that it was meant to be that way, but it doesn't make it work any better! Their minds must have both been in a phone booth at the beach somewhere, because it seems like they just phoned in most of their lines!

All the most beautiful and dangerous girls in the world can't make it any better, and not even some music by the likes of the brilliant John Scott or Daniel White is going to do the trick!

George Nader is awesome in all the Jerry Cotton movies, but in this one he just seems surprised and perplexed, a gay man in a society ruled by women!

This is the kind of excitement I'm talking about! It just ain't happening!!

"Robot Monster" is a lot more adventuresome!

The tantalizing Maria Rohm was also in "The Seven Secrets Of Sumuru," and "Ten Little Indians" with Shirely Eaton!

More talent out the wazoo, Klaus Kinski as President Boong is one of the more interesting characters in this film!!

I swear to you, I honestly believe that his is how serious George Nader takes the whole thing, not one iota, and I'm not talking about the 9th letter in the Greek alphabet!!

"The Million Eyes Of Sumuru" is a Shaw Brothers production, so there is a big firefight at the end, and even Frankie has had it with the whole ordeal!

Not even the amazing actor Wilfrid Hyde-White is going to be able to save this mess! Here's my suggestion for any film buff, rather than seeking out "The Million Eyes Of Sumuru," just go back and watch Wilfrid in "Let's Make Love," with Marilyn Monroe, Shirley in "The Seven Secrets Of Sumuru" or "Ten Little Indians," Klaus in "Aguirre" The Wrath Of God," Maria in "The House Of 1000 Dolls" (with George Nader), Frankie in "Horror House" or any beach movie of your choice, and George in any, or all of the Jerry Cotton films!! This is one movie where the sequel is much better than the first one, at least that's my humble opinion!

DES TODESRACHER VON SOHO - "The Corpse Packs His Bags" (1972)

 

I've got a great Saturday Night Special for you this week, a German/Spanish/British film from 1972 called "Der Todesracher Von Soho," that was released worldwide as "The Avenger." 

I love this Spanish poster, but it has absolutely nothing to do with the movie!

"Der Todesracher Von Soho" is actually a remake of the 1962 film "Das Geheimnis Der Schwarzen Koffer," or "The Secret Of The Black Trunk" that was featured in these pages back in 2015.

Both versions are killer!!

 

It was also released as "The Corpse Packs His Bags," and I am eternally grateful to the person who created sub-titles for this film, I'm just not sure if they really know how to speak English or not, because a good majority of the sub-titles are gibberish, and make no sense at all, but since this film was directed by Jesús Franco, working this time out as Jess Frank, it really doesn't matter, at least not to me!

Fred (She Killed In Ecstasy) Williams is Police Inspector Ruppert Redford, and he's got his hands full with this case. 

Fred was born in Munich, Germany as Friedrich Wilhelm Löcherer,

 

There's a killer on the loose, and he leaves a black suitcase at the scene before the crime is actually committed! The cab driver is not the killer!

"Der Todesracher Von Soho" has a pretty cool cast that includes Siegfried Schürenberg as a Dr. Bladmore. Siefried has been in almost every Edgar Wallace movie. By his side is one of my favorite actresses, Elisa (The Seven Secrets of Sumuru) Montés as Helen Bennett.

There's the black bag I was telling you about. Seeing it is not good news for the guy opening the door.

Fish, meat or what, deodorant?

Elisa looks just as confused as me!

Then she remembered it was a Jess Franco film, and that it didn't really matter!

Now this is what I call class 'A' entertainment!!

The crowd must agree, they give her a standing ovation!!

Another star of the show is Horst (Snow White and the Seven Jugglers) Tappert as author Charles Barton!

The gentleman inspecting the knives is the Director of the film, Mr. Jess Frank himself.

A lot of these sub-titles appear as what it would look like if you accepted the spell check changes in your texts that you didn't mean! 

I can't even figure this one out!

A Lab full of angles and bi-angles.

Uh, Oh, another bag!! Somebody's in trouble!

And another throwing knife caught the wrong way!

Combining the talents of Bryan Edgar Wallace and Jesús Franco, there's no telling what to expect, and with "Der Todesracher Von Soho," that's exactly what you're going to get!!

THE SEVEN SECRETS OF SUMURU - Daniel White - "The Girl From Rio" (1969)

To take "The Girl From Rio" seriously would be to fall into that "surely, you jest?" category, but it's a good, fun, and loose Jesus Franco excursion into the wild and weird....

....and if you had a chance to go film a movie in Rio de Janeiro, what would you do?

"Future Women" as this film is also known, is essentially a sequel to that 1967 classic, "The Million Eyes Of Sumuru" which is like almost impossible to find, reprising Shirley Eaton's role as Sumuru and a civilization dominated by the female species, Hell bent on taking over the whole world, and then some!

"The Girl From Rio" predates "Girls Gone Wild" and Action Girls" by a good 30 years!

This movie is nothing but high camp exotic pop prefect for a Saturday morning viewing of a intentionally wasted day, or if you don't have a anything better to do, any day of the week!

Oh, just shoot me and get it over with, cause you're killing me already!!

We've written about the gifted composer Daniel White many times before for his countless soundtrack work, but Daniel was such a prolific musician that he also actually released record albums under various pseudonyms like Emile Doryphore on a comedy album, Virginie Morgane on a record of organ music, and rock records as Guy Forlane.

Richard Wyler is secret agent/detective Jeff Sutton, a role he should be plenty prepared for after starring in 39 episodes of the TV show "Man from Interpol" as Interpol Agent Anthony Smith in the early 60's! For the first 10 years of his career, he used the name Richard Stapley! Richard just passed away earlier this year!!

If for nothing else, Shirley Eaton will always be remembered in Pop Culture History for her iconic role as Jill Masterson, the "Golden Girl" in the James Bond classic, "Goldfinger!"

You know that feeling you get when you know you're not in the right place?

Elisa Montés is stunning and fascinating, as The Boss's girl, Irene!

What a cool pad, and what a shot!!!

If you can't get enough of Elisa Montés, try checking out some of these 60's flicks, "Island Of The Doomed," "The Cobra," or "Island Of Despair!"

Anybody else but George Sanders would have to pay to get a role like this, go to Rio, and hang out with beautiful women like Elisa, tough gig!!

It's amazing how many movies have been made about a female dominated society like "Queen Of Outer Space," and the one thing the women never forget, even after they are in charge, is to dress in skimpy little outfits, which means one of two things, they either dress like that for themselves, or there is actually a man in charge, calling all the shots behind the scenes, like Jesus Franco!!

There is a also a bunch of stock like footage of the carnival in Rio, but it's really good footage!!

Jess Franco's finest hour? Lighten up, it's Rio, and if it looks good and tastes good, it must be candy! These days, I understand, just like a lot of the rest of the world, it's not near as much fun as it was back then, and if you're going to Rio, remember this: Don't Drive, You're just asking for trouble!!