SE TUTTE LE DONNE DEL MONDO... (OPERAZIONE PARADISO) - "Kiss The Girls And Make Them Die" (1966)

This is an especially cool Saturday Night Special because this movie is whack, almost as whack as this poster!

"Kiss The Girls And Make Them Die" is a Dino De Laurentiis Production, so even though it's a quasi-comedy, it's still serious!

Talk about serious, how much do you think it cost to be able to film at the site of one the world's most famous landmarks, the Christ the Redeemer statue high above Rio de Janeiro that was created in 1932?

Mike (Mannix) Connors is a C.I.A. agent named Kelly! In some movies like "Voodoo Woman," Mike was credited as Touch Connors. Born in Fresno, California, Mike just passed away a few years ago at the age of 91.

 

I got acrophobia just from watching this, and this was just the opening sequence!

The rest of the movie is filled with beautiful women because the perverted freak who wants to take over the world needs them. He has a plan to make the whole world sterile, and then re-populate it with a bunch of women impregnated by himself! This dude is a real pig!

One by one, a bevy of beauties just keep disappearing! 

Then Dorothy (The Roaring 20's) Provine shows up as Susan Fleming and steals the show!

Raf (The Godfather: Part III) Vallone is the dirty dog creepmeister Mr. Ardonian, and he's really good at it!

Ardonian has hidden cameras all over the place so he can monitor his girls without their knowledge! The list of the gorgeous gals includes names like Margaret Lee, Nicholetta Machiavelli, Marilù Tolo, Seyna Seyn, and Beverly Adams,

Shake it, don't break it!

Rich and famous.............................

..................Mr. Ardonian..................

..................Is a bonifide creepy-ass nut case!

In the meantime, Agent Kelly is outfoxing Ardonian at every turn!

Luckily Kelly likes bananas, because along with cigarettes, they are basically his whole diet!

 

Great shot of Terry-Thomas, Mike Connors, and Dorothy Provine! One thing I really enjoyed about this film was that even though it's an adventure/comedy, they gave Terry-Thomas a fairly straight role for a change. The character he plays is still odd, but not totally obnoxious and stupid like he is so often cast!

Ardonian has all the girls preserved in these tubes, and on hold until he needs them!

Looking back, I'd say "Kiss The Girls And Make Them Die" is no James Bond film by any means, but it really isn't half bad either. I got this film from Cult Action years ago, who I just found out is no longer in business, so after I'm done here, I'll have to remove their link, since it, just like a lot of the characters in this movie, is dead, but at least you can still watch the trailer if you want to, at the 

Internet Archive.

BLUEBEARD - Ennio Morricone -"He Did Away With Them All" (1972)

As far as I can tell, there have been at least 10 films utilizing the character named "Bluebeard!" The original story is a French folktale titled "La Barbe Bleue" that dates back to the 1600's about a violent wealthy nobleman who has a bad habit of murdering his wives, and the attempt by the last of them to avoid what happened to her predecessors! I love the fact that he actually has a blue beard!

This version of "Bluebeard" was released in 1972, and stars the elegant actor Richard Burton in the title role!

I don't believe "Bluebeard" was meant to be a comedy by any means, but with characters like this, it tends to have an overwhelming "Bedazzled" feel to it despite being a grisly horror film!

"Bluebeard" also tackles some very serious social issues! The music in "Bluebeard" was composed once again by the always amazing maestro Ennio Morricone!!

Bluebeard's last wife is an American dancer and singer named Anne played by the always lovely Joey Heatherton! In the 1960's you would see Joey frequently on TV shows like "The Hollywood Palace," and "The Dean Martin Show," performing as herself!

Bluebeard needs to go away for a bit, and leaves Anne home alone in the mansion, and he tells her that whatever she does, don't open the lock that the little gold key is for, so of course, what does she do but go around trying to find out what it fits! Behind a hidden locked door, she finds a large painting of Bluebeard, and when she pushes the three dimensional ring in the painting, a door opens and...........

.............Anne quickly finds out why she wasn't supposed to use the key, and all the literal frozen ghosts in Bluebeard's closet, or refrigerator, as it were!

When Bluebeard returns home, and finds out that Anne knows, because he had hidden cameras, he tells her that he really loves her, but that now he is going to have to kill her, but before that happens, he will explain the reason why his previous seven wives had to go!

Bluebeard's wives were a bevy of beauties, and each and every one of them have some kind of special quirk! Virna Lisi as "The Singer" is especially obnoxious as she sings all her lines. Oddly enough, Virna was also in "How To Murder Your Wife" with Jack Lemmon in 1965! Appropriately enough, her character is beheaded with a guillotine! It's the only way he could shut her up!

Next up is Nathalie Delon as Erika! Nathalie was in the killer movie, "Le Samouraï" with her husband at the time Alain Delon! Her character here is one of an insecure liar! Bluebeard convinces her to be herself, and then he can't stand her any more!

Sybil (Naughty Nymphs) Danning has the role of the whore who teaches Erika how to love before Bluebeard disposes of both of them!

Next up is Raquel Welch as "The Nun!" Raquel only has about 8 minutes of screentime in the movie, but got top billing with Richard Burton just for her name! Always taken with their beauty first, Bluebeard talks her into quitting the monastery and marrying him, and then he finds out she became a nun to make up for all her past transgressions as a slut, and she goes on forever telling him about all her sexual escapades until it drives him to the edge once again!

Next we have sword and sandal queen Marilù Tolo as the politico Brigitt! Unlike the other wives, Brigitt is hard-drinking, rough and tough, but her fate remains the same!

The last wife before Anne is Agostina (Holocaust 2000) Belli as the sweet, free spirited, and almost hippiesque Caroline! She is not destined to fare better than any of the rest of them!

One odd little bit of trivia, despite killing all these ladies in this movie, every one of those actresses are still alive today! I guess that says something about the correlation between being good looking and sexy, and longevity!

In the opening scenes, Bluebeard shoots this wife named Greta in a supposed hunting accident! Then her story is retold in the end! Greta was played by Karin (Voodoo Sexy) Schubert who 13 years later, in 1985, became an adult film star!

"Bluebeard" is a great movie, and Richard Burton is fantastic from start to finish! Like I said, it might not be a comedy, but it sure is pretty funny! One of Bluebeard's big problems is that he's got a bad case of can'tgetitupitis! Rated R, because almost all of the wives except Racquel Welch are seen topless,  you can get it on disc from Netflix!  It's a no brainer!

MISIÓN LISBOA - Jesús Franco & Daniel White - "077: Espionage In Lisbon" (1965)

 

Tonight's feature is the perfect example of the fascination Eurospy filmmakers had with the number seven after the success of James Bond! Kick to the head!!

The German version of the film is so confused, even the title card said 007, even though the movie was called 077! Auf Der Oops!! Welcome to the second installment of The Summer of Super Spies down in The Dungeon, and tonight's special feature, "Espionage In Lisbon!"

This is our hero, Brett Halsey as George Farrell, Agent 077! Georgie boy has just been disturbed again, and he's none too happy about it! Brett Halsey is a world class act, and his portfolio ranges from Ma and Pa Kettle, to 50's classic hot rod and horror, to 60's Italian sword and sandal and Eurospy, to X-Men and soap operas! And by 50's classic horror, I mean Real Classic titles like "Revenge Of The Creature," "Return Of The Fly," and "The Atomic Submarine!" Last time I checked, Brett was still working!

Seems like these secret agent types always get rudely interrupted during their vacations with stuff like secret formulas, nutty professors, female agents, and Portugal, but sounds like a good time, even if you had to leave this scene!!

"Espionage In Lisbon" is a complex and cryptic tale, and this is the first piece in the puzzle I'm not even sure Sherlock could have figured out! I gave up and made 3 bean salad instead! I got it, her tee shot went to the right, and she's dying to get some lessons!

This is Marilù (Colossus And The Amazon Queen, Kiss The Girls And Make Them Die, The Witches) Tolo as Terry Brown. Like 077, she is also a secret agent! I don't know what her number is, but I wish I did! 077 knows that she's a secret agent, but Terry doesn't know that he is one too!! Makes for an interesting relationship! Marilù and Brett would team up together 5 years later in "Murder By Music!" Speaking of music, the composers of the music in this jewel are no slackers either, Jesús Franco and Daniel White! It's hard to get much cooler than that! Here's just a little taste to whet your taste buds!

Here come the cool gadgets!!! 077 has a RC flying bug with a microphone built into it. He sends it into the next room, the bug lands somewhere, and the controller turns into a speaker that allows him to hear every word that is said! Pretty nifty!!

The big cheese at the top of the enchilada of bad guys is Fernando (The Face Of Fear, The Two Faces Of Fear) Rey! That is a microphone extended out of that mannequin's stomach that keeps him in contact with the rest of the guys in the "New World Organization!" I could have put up 20 pictures just of Fernando talking into the dummy tummy, but there were too many other good shots that would have been left behind!

Like this clown, 077's boss......he's got what appears to be a 1965 laptop, and he is able to spy on 077 and other areas of the Hotel, but instead he's peeping on some sweet young thang!

"Misión Lisboa" is a strange film! It is definitely not a comedy, but it's funny, not silly or stupid, but actually funny! There was another secret agent posing as Terry Brown's husband, and she finds him dead, and then asks 077 if he'll help her do something with the body! Remember, she still doesn't know he's a secret agent! So they go on quite an extended journey climbing in and out of windows and rooms carrying this body!

There's a big party going on in the Hotel, so when they get to a bathroom, they prop the body up in a corner when a drunken party-goer bursts in on them. The drunk is played by Dungeon Hero George (Jerry Cotton) Nader in a walk through 30 second scene!

I  can't even remember all the places they carry this body around to! It's like a long chase scene, but nobody's pursuing them, so for a while, they even push the body around in this laundry cart, and then, as the next picture shows, they're underground!

So I got this goofy thought, what would the world be like without the letter G? First off, there'd be no spy movies like this because we wouldn't have any Girls, Guns, Gizmos, or Gadgets! There'd be no Garlic or Ginger or Ginkgo Biloba, but that wouldn't matter because we wouldn't be able to eat anyway because there would be no Gastronomy! Good Grief, we'd still be living in the 17th centrury because there would be no Gasoline, and there'd be no God, no Gnomes, Gerbils, Guzanos, Geckos or Goobers! Gee whiz, I don't think life would be worth living without the letter G!

Remember there was a big party going on back at the Hotel, so while the revelers are away, George and Terry sneak the corpse onto the party bus right before they get back, and as the bus drives off, 077 waves at the body leaning up against the window!

Of course, 077 does get chased too, and this one time he ducks inside a door, and finds himself inside an upscale fashion show! The goons back behind the ladies are not quite sure how to deal with the situation!

"Model 13,"  I shit you not, "Mood Indigo!"

It was great to see that they used the interior of a real record store for this scene because that's one set that we never get to see enough of!

"Misión Lisboa" is almost Disneyesque in places! When they were moving that body around, 077 accidentally went in to a woman's bathroom while she was in the tub, and when she gets out, she asks him to drape the towel around her, and as a gentleman, he averts his eyes, and she basically accuses him of being gay because of it! Here, towards the end, this good lookin' gal lets herself into his room, and offers herself up to 077, but instead, because he's a nice guy, he takes her downstairs, and turns her over to the authorities, even though they had been making eyes at each other earlier down by the pool!

The cinematography in "Espionage In Lisbon" is brilliant throughout at worst, and is the handiwork of Angelo Lotti, who was also responsible for the looks of "Toto Vs, Maciste," the two "Kriminal" movies and "Venus In Furs" among many others! Lisbon had a lot to offer, and they took advantage of it!

Geez, here I am at The End again, and I was just getting started too, so I'll leave you with this shot of Terry holding a gun on 077, and leave the rest to your imagination! Want to know the whole story, then contact The Cult Action Team!!