THE STARR-ANGE FILMS OF RICHARD STARKEY (1969 - 1985)

 

Richard Starkey, or Ringo Starr as we all know him, has had an interesting career besides being one of The Beatles. Ringo has been in quite a few movies, and almost every one of them is a cult movie, because he's Ringo, and all the movies are strange. People might be strange when you're a stranger, but Ringo's not a stranger to anybody, even though he's Starr-anger than most!

 

 

In 1964 and 1965, The Beatles made their movies "A Hard Day's Night," and "Help!" but it wouldn't be until 1968 that Ringo appeared in a non-Beatles film as a guy named Emmanuel, and that movie was "Candy."

 

 

In 1969, Ringo was in the equally odd film, "The Magic Christian" as Youngman Grand.

In 1971, Ringo plays Frank Zappa in Frank's own film "200 Motels." 

Here's a picture of Frank so you can compare the two!

 

Also in the 1971 Spaghetti Western "Blindman," Ringo plays a character named Candy.

 

 In 1973 Ringo had a more serious role in a film that was kind of based on the early years of John Lennon called "That'll Be The Day" that also included fellow musician Billy Fury. Another famous drummer, Keith Moon of The Who, was also in this film.

 

Again in 1973, Ringo was Merlin the magician in the Harry Nilsson musical "Son Of Dracula," that included one of the best rock and roll songs of all time, "Jump Into The Fire!"

 

In 1975, Ringo was in a movie with another member of The Who, lead singer Roger Daltrey, in Ken Russell's "Lisztomania." In this film Ringo plays The Pope.

 

In 1977, Ringo was in the pervo sex romp "Sextette," that not only starred Mae West, but was written by her. This film also had an all-star cast of musicians that included Alice Cooper, and once again, Keith Moon.

 

In 1981, Ringo was in "Caveman" with his lovely wife Barbara Bach.

 

In 1985 Ringo was in the TV mini-series "Alice In Wonderland" as The Mock Turtle.

 

Since then, Ringo has been the narrator for the "Thomas And Friends" videos, and in quite a few TV shows and music videos, including "The Simpsons," and Sabrina The Teenage Witch," but the long run of Starr-ange movies has pretty much come to an end, at least for now, but this is Ringo we're talking about, so who knows what might be next?

HAMMER HOUSE OF HORROR - "Witching Time" - 1980

Here's the first episode from this one season Hammer series, it's all about a witch that time travels to the future to cause lots of insanity!

This one stars Jon (FRENZY) Finch, Prunella (NEVER SAY NEVER AGAIN) Gee, Patricia (THE ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW) Quinn and Ian (I, MONSTER) McCullock.

It starts with Prunella (Mary) losing her clothes just before she's killed by an intruder. Like what the heck, she's the star, how come she's already dead?!

Here's her husband David, he's talking to her on the phone and wants to know when she'll be home from the shoot of the movie she's starring in... Probable tomorrow.

David thinks that Mary is having an affair with the director, but, she's actually having one with their personal doctor.

That night during an electrical storm David finds a woman named Lucinda, and she claims to be a witch from a few hundred years ago, and was born on the property. David has to show her all the modern devices and how they work to calm her down.

He ends up locking her in a bedroom and has his 'friend' Charles, the doctor, come over and see her, but, she's gone. Did he imagine it all?

When Mary finally arrives home, she finds David in a weird state, and he has deep fingernail scratches on his back.

Then they find a decapitated crow on their bed, David takes it outside and begins to bury it. When he strikes the dead crow with the shovel, he see's Mary in the grave with a cut on her face. David is starting to go over the edge.

Then Mary has a few bad things happen to her, like almost being hit with a bust knocked off the ledge while she's on the stairs.

And, she blames David, she tells him that he's trying to kill her, and starts packing to leave.

All Hell breaks loose, things are flying around the room while Lucinda's voice laughs at them. Finally, Mary believes his story of the witch!

Mary takes her horse and rides to speak to a cleric about the situation, and while she's away, the mice will play!

Lucinda has made a voodoo doll of Mary and stuck nails in a number of places on her body! Believe me, Mary had s ton of fun pulling them all out, but the pains are gone.

Then David pushes her down the stairs into the cellar where she finds a metal point to help her escape from the room.

David is totally under Lucinda's power and he sees Mary and chases her outside.

After she barely gets David locked in the stable, she goes after Lucinda. She remembered the cleric told her that either fire or water will effect a witch, so, Mary tosses a pail of water in Lucinda's face then drowns her in a water trough!

And, Lucinda's form gets burned in her own planned fire ceremony! There you have it, a wild first episode from Hammer House Of Horror!

THE RETURN OF CAPTAIN INVINCIBLE - "God Bless America" (1983)

 

If I had to pick one word to describe this week's Saturday Night Special, I don't know if it would be insane, ridiculous, or just straight out weird!

Welcome into The Dungeon!

 

"The Return Of Captain Invincible" has left me speechless, but not exactly for the right reasons!

You literally need to see this thing to believe it!

The movie starts with olde newsreel footage of Captain Invincible during his WWII glory days!

 

The little boy scout that got the Captain's autograph goes on to be the future President of the United States.

Then it happens! The Captain is accused of being a Communist sympathizer, and even though he is completely innocent of the charges he goes from hero to zero in a flash, and is now a drunken bum living in Australia.

 

The marvelous Michael (Curse Of The Undead) Pate plays The President of the United States, and goes to Australia to tell The Captain that there is a dire emergency, and the world once again needs his help!

Alan (Catch-22) is the washed up super hero Captain Invincible. The Cap has some very interesting powers, but his most recently acquired power is to drink himself to death.

 

Kate (Shirley Thompson Versus The Aliens) Fitzpatrick is police officer Patty Patria who wants to help Captain Invincible get back on his feet again. She found his old super hero suit in a pawn shop!

The poor Captain can't even remember the commands to make his super powers work anymore!

The Captain can fly like Superman, but one of his more unique powers is that he can turn himself into a super powerful human magnet!

When he finally got his magnetic power turned on, it stripped everyone in the room because they all had metal in their clothes like zippers.

Well, I told you this film was ridiculous, and one of the main reasons is that it is also a full blown musical, like if Rocky Horror was a super hero flick, and it's not just a couple of songs, there are at least ten fully choreographed songs. I really wasn't ready for that!

 CHEERS!

Sir Christopher Lee is the evil Mr. Midnight!

And Yes, believe it or don't, but Chris Lee is also in two of the song and dance numbers, and if you want to know the truth, they are probably the best part of the movie. If you don't believe me, then check it out yourself!

 

Captain Midnight flies back to America with Patty in tow, and goes back to his old digs in the head of The Statue Of Liberty.

I dig this shot because it looks like Patty has her arm around the Captain, but those are just claw epaulets he has on the shoulders of his costume.

 

The owner of this deli has a very unique automatic weapon!

Mr. Midnight tries to bring Captain Invincible to his knees by offering him every kind of alcohol in the world, and a wild ass song called "Name Your Poison" to go along with it!

I have severe mixed feelings about this movie, but it's always good to see Christopher Lee even in the worst movies, and this one is no different!

And how often do you get to see Chris Lee smile? That grin alone is worth the price of admission!

 "Everything's going to be just great again!"