Monday, February 14, 2022

HAMMER HOUSE OF HORROR - "Witching Time" - 1980

Here's the first episode from this one season Hammer series, it's all about a witch that time travels to the future to cause lots of insanity!

This one stars Jon (FRENZY) Finch, Prunella (NEVER SAY NEVER AGAIN) Gee, Patricia (THE ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW) Quinn and Ian (I, MONSTER) McCullock.

It starts with Prunella (Mary) losing her clothes just before she's killed by an intruder. Like what the heck, she's the star, how come she's already dead?!

Here's her husband David, he's talking to her on the phone and wants to know when she'll be home from the shoot of the movie she's starring in... Probable tomorrow.

David thinks that Mary is having an affair with the director, but, she's actually having one with their personal doctor.

That night during an electrical storm David finds a woman named Lucinda, and she claims to be a witch from a few hundred years ago, and was born on the property. David has to show her all the modern devices and how they work to calm her down.

He ends up locking her in a bedroom and has his 'friend' Charles, the doctor, come over and see her, but, she's gone. Did he imagine it all?

When Mary finally arrives home, she finds David in a weird state, and he has deep fingernail scratches on his back.

Then they find a decapitated crow on their bed, David takes it outside and begins to bury it. When he strikes the dead crow with the shovel, he see's Mary in the grave with a cut on her face. David is starting to go over the edge.

Then Mary has a few bad things happen to her, like almost being hit with a bust knocked off the ledge while she's on the stairs.

And, she blames David, she tells him that he's trying to kill her, and starts packing to leave.

All Hell breaks loose, things are flying around the room while Lucinda's voice laughs at them. Finally, Mary believes his story of the witch!

Mary takes her horse and rides to speak to a cleric about the situation, and while she's away, the mice will play!

Lucinda has made a voodoo doll of Mary and stuck nails in a number of places on her body! Believe me, Mary had s ton of fun pulling them all out, but the pains are gone.

Then David pushes her down the stairs into the cellar where she finds a metal point to help her escape from the room.

David is totally under Lucinda's power and he sees Mary and chases her outside.

After she barely gets David locked in the stable, she goes after Lucinda. She remembered the cleric told her that either fire or water will effect a witch, so, Mary tosses a pail of water in Lucinda's face then drowns her in a water trough!

And, Lucinda's form gets burned in her own planned fire ceremony! There you have it, a wild first episode from Hammer House Of Horror!

Saturday, February 12, 2022

THE RETURN OF CAPTAIN INVINCIBLE - "God Bless America" (1983)

 
If I had to pick one word to describe this week's Saturday Night Special, I don't know if it would be insane, ridiculous, or just straight out weird!
Welcome into The Dungeon!

 
"The Return Of Captain Invincible" has left me speechless, but not exactly for the right reasons!
You literally need to see this thing to believe it!

The movie starts with olde newsreel footage of Captain Invincible during his WWII glory days!

 
The little boy scout that got the Captain's autograph goes on to be the future President of the United States.

Then it happens! The Captain is accused of being a Communist sympathizer, and even though he is completely innocent of the charges he goes from hero to zero in a flash, and is now a drunken bum living in Australia.

 
The marvelous Michael (Curse Of The Undead) Pate plays The President of the United States, and goes to Australia to tell The Captain that there is a dire emergency, and the world once again needs his help!

Alan (Catch-22) is the washed up super hero Captain Invincible. The Cap has some very interesting powers, but his most recently acquired power is to drink himself to death.

 
Kate (Shirley Thompson Versus The Aliens) Fitzpatrick is police officer Patty Patria who wants to help Captain Invincible get back on his feet again. She found his old super hero suit in a pawn shop!

The poor Captain can't even remember the commands to make his super powers work anymore!

The Captain can fly like Superman, but one of his more unique powers is that he can turn himself into a super powerful human magnet!

When he finally got his magnetic power turned on, it stripped everyone in the room because they all had metal in their clothes like zippers.

Well, I told you this film was ridiculous, and one of the main reasons is that it is also a full blown musical, like if Rocky Horror was a super hero flick, and it's not just a couple of songs, there are at least ten fully choreographed songs. I really wasn't ready for that!

 CHEERS!
Sir Christopher Lee is the evil Mr. Midnight!

And Yes, believe it or don't, but Chris Lee is also in two of the song and dance numbers, and if you want to know the truth, they are probably the best part of the movie. If you don't believe me, then check it out yourself!
 
Captain Midnight flies back to America with Patty in tow, and goes back to his old digs in the head of The Statue Of Liberty.

I dig this shot because it looks like Patty has her arm around the Captain, but those are just claw epaulets he has on the shoulders of his costume.

 
The owner of this deli has a very unique automatic weapon!

Mr. Midnight tries to bring Captain Invincible to his knees by offering him every kind of alcohol in the world, and a wild ass song called "Name Your Poison" to go along with it!

I have severe mixed feelings about this movie, but it's always good to see Christopher Lee even in the worst movies, and this one is no different!

And how often do you get to see Chris Lee smile? That grin alone is worth the price of admission!

 "Everything's going to be just great again!"

Friday, February 11, 2022

MERRY MELODIES / "Tortoise Wins By A Hare" - 1943

Today we gots one of my favorite cartoons, and for good reason! It's directed by Bob Clampett and Tex Avery, written by Warren Foster with voices by Mel Blanc, Kent Rogers, Michael Maltese and even Tedd Pierce, how can you lose!

So, Bugs is reviewing footage from his last race where he lost to the turtle, and it's making him very angry! How in the heck does he lose to a turtle?!

Bugs decides to go to Cecil Turtle's home in disguise to try and get some information out of the little guy, to see what his secret to winning is...

Cecil shows Bugs his designs and it boils down to aerodynamics! You see, rabbit ears create wind resistance, and oh yeah, rabbits aren't very smart!!

Bugs goes to his workshop and is busy coming up with his solution to the problem.

And viola, Bugs has made himself a sleek racing shell, now he'll show that little so, and so!

And, the race is on!! Man, it's amazing what a small group of super talented artists can do with a measly 7 minutes!

Bugs has hidden his secret weapon down the road apiece in an old tree trunk, he's raced ahead of Cecil and put on his racing gear. And to solve the problem of wind resistance, Bugs simply uses a green swim cap, genius!!

After watching Cecil trot by, Bugs shoots on down the road so quickly it makes the turtle spin like a top!.. How can Bugs lose?!

Like Cecil said, rabbits aren't very smart. The gambling ring is out in force to make sure that the rabbit wins, as they put all their dough on Bugs!

It's reported, the turtle is on his way!! So, the boys cause a diversion!

Bugs plows into the wall and is then attacked by the gang. Bugs says... I'm a RABBIT!! And they hit him with a mallet and all yell... TOITLE!! It's a RABBIT.. TOITLE.. RABBIT.. TOITLE back and forth, hilarious!!

Cecil's there to affirm that Bugs is definitely a turtle.

As Bugs tries to escape, the gang shoot at him and even launch bombs to stop him.

The guys at the finish line have another special surprise for the turtle!

Bugs is so elated, he just can't believe that he's going to win the race!

The guys hold back the turtle from crossing the finish line, while...

Two other maroons grab Cecil and rush him across, ahead of Bugs!

All Hail Cecil!!..

Bugs reveals to them that.. HE'S THE RABBIT!!

In classic fashion, the guys say... Now he tells us!! That's it for today, now you can go out and play on your slide!

Monster Music

Monster Music
AAARRGGHHH!!!! Ya'll Come On Back Now, Y'Hear??