LA MALA ORDINA - "The Italian Connection" (1972)

Here's a solid Weird Wednesday film for you!

 It might not be the most ridiculous movie ever made, but it's a strong contender!

It's called "La Mala Ordina" or auf Englisch, "The Italian Connection!"

The American 'stars' are Henry Silva and Woody Strode!

Right out of the box, this movie makes no sense! This "Godfather" dude wants some insignificant mosquito pimp eliminated, and he wants to make sure that everybody knows about it!

His name is Luca Canali, and he's played by Mario Adorf!

A survey from a few years back has Mario Adorf as the number two most popular actor of all time in Germany!! And why not, Mario has 200+ credits to his name, and I'm not sure he's done yet!

Let's see, I already told you that Luca was a pimp!

Don't threaten Luca with your petty knife, or he'll headbutt your ass, and then you'll be sorry!

My Dad had big ears, and I've got big ears, but this bat boy has got us both beat!

World class villain, Aldolfo (Larfo) Celi as Don Vito Tressoldi is the last man you want to see you dead! An interesting side note is that Mario Adorf and Adolfo Celi have both been in the movie "Ten Little Indians." There's just one thing, it's two different versions of the movie. Mario Adorf was in the 1965 release as Herr Grohmann, and Adolfo Celi was in the 1974 film as The General!
Agatha Christie's "Ten Little Indians" was also the basis for movies made in 1959, 1981, 1987, and 1989! I guess that's when you know it's a good story!

The killer Pop Rock Disco Funk soundtrack was created by Armando Trovaioli!

The makers of this film go out of their way to get your attention, and the boob count is high!

Here's a good look from the book, "Whores Of The World!"

Almost timeless!

I just love this wacky shot!

Looking as good as ever, Sylva (Lisa And The Devil) Koscina, has the role of  Luca Canali's estranged wife!

Wow! To prove they're not messing around, they kill Luca's ex-wife and daughter!

Everybody in the world might be trying to kill him, but he's not going to let some bastard get away with that!

The hard headed Luca headbutts the windshield to get to the killer!

Exactly!

OF UNKNOWN ORIGIN / Two Forces Have Claimed The House. Only One Will Survive! - 1983

In today's twisted tale, Bart Hughes has a good life, a beautiful wife, a young son, a good job with promotion prospects, and a renovated brownstone in New York... When the wife and kid leave for vacation, Bart stays behind to work on a project that will earn him a promotion, unaware that a certain inhabitant in his basement has other plans. Bart goes a bit bonkers trying to kill this rodent, destroying most of his house in the process.

It stars Peter (ROBOCOP) Weller, Jennifer (CADILLAC GIRLS) Dale, Lawrence (BRIDE OF CHUCKY) Dane, Kenneth (PHOBIA) Welsh, Louis (SCANNERS) Del Grande and Shannon (HOT DOG... THE MOVIE) Tweed.

Here's Bart working away in his high rise office while the wife and his son are away on vacation. He's working on a deal that will earn himself a big old promotion!

But, Bart has a rodent problem in his newly renovated apartment. He starts doing research into the critters and finds a lot of info he wishes he didn't know about rats. He even looks at photos of people that were bitten by the killers, including children!

He becomes obsessed about his home invader and at his office meetings, all he does is give creepy statistics about rats to his partners. They think he's losing it.

Things keep getting scarier, like when the damn thing is hiding in the toilet!

Bart tries to relax but has some company under the bed spread...

If things weren't bad enough, well, the damn dirty rat gnaws through the wiring and causes the lights to go out. So, Bart gets the candles out.

Bart chases the varmint into the basement where he tries to grab it inside a doll house. But, Bart forgets that he left a brutal rat trap inside, and, it snaps onto his left hand!.. Like, freakin'... OUCH!!

After such a fucked up day, Bart hits the bottle and relaxes in a tub of warm water...

He starts dreaming, his wife has returned from vacation, as they play on the bed they forget that the son is in the kitchen, unaware that the rat is ready to pounce on him!

Bart is woken up by the rat and jolts onto a hammock to get away!

Enough is enough, Bart has had it! It's time to beef up his baseball bat to meet the requirements it takes to kill the dirty rat. Looks pretty impressive!

Bart hears the rat above the ceiling, he hits the spot with his bat and the thing breaks through and falls onto the floor. That's one big mofo!

Bart destroys the place trying to get to the rat, it's always a step ahead!

He finally corners the rat in the doll house, this time though, he nails it, bringing this epic battle to an abrupt end...

The wife and kid return from vacation. After they go into the house, she wants to know what happened. He tells her he had a party... Hey, we're back Wednesday with another new post, just for you!

QUICKSAND - "The Eyes Have It" (1950)

I believe it was Sir Walter Scott who said it best, when he wrote "O, what a tangled web we weave; When we first practice to deceive!"

 This Saturday Night Special is called

"Quicksand"

The more you thrash around, the deeper you sink!

 Mickey Rooney is a naive and horny little shit named Dan. Dan is an auto mechanic, and this exotic chick named Vera agrees to go out with him, so he has to scramble to come up with 20 bucks to take her out! Just look at Vera's eyes, as played by Jeanne Cagney, and then try and tell me that she doesn't look exactly like her brother, James Cagney!

 "Quicksand" was shot almost entirely at a place in Santa Monica, Calif. called "Ocean Park Pier," which wasn't quite an amusement park, but it was a place where people went to have fun from 1926 to 1956. In 1958, it morphed into a full blown amusement park called "Pacific Ocean Park." P.O.P. was a neat place, and was originally intended to compete with Disneyland, but almost ten years after it opened, it closed for repairs, and never opened again!

 I was talking to my Mother the other night about whether two actors known for their eyes, Peter Lorre and Jack Elam were ever in a movie together, and that's how I tripped onto this movie called "Quicksand." Bigger than anything, both stars are in this film, unfortunately, they don't actually have a scene together, but good enough for me! Peter has the role of sleazy arcade owner Nick, and former boss and lover of Vera!

Dan is a cocky little jerk, but he didn't really mean to set off a whole string of bad incidents, one after another. He lifted twenty bucks from the cash drawer where he worked, planning on paying it back in a couple of days when his pal pays him back some money he owes him, but instead his life turns into a quagmire of despair that just gets deeper and deeper and he gets pulled further down.

First he goes to this loan shark, but doesn't have time for them to conduct a credit check so that doesn't work.

It gets worse when he finds a place that will sell him a $100.00 watch on a payment plan that he takes to a pawn shop and hocks for $30.00 to put the original twenty back, but they sic a private detective on him immediately after doing that, who demands that he now pays one hundred dollars for the watch in 24 hours. He thinks about trading in his car, but for what they would give him, he'd just be deeper in the hole, and without transportation, so he ditches that idea.

He goes into a bar to have a couple of drinks and that's when Jack Elam walks in for a small role as one of the patrons of the bar. On the other side of Dan is a drunk old dude with two fifty dollar bills in his wallet!
Super cool and weird at the same time, Jack Elam was in one of my favorite movies, "Kiss Me Deadly," and he was in the "Twilight Zone" episode "Will The Real Martian Please Stand Up?" and then in every western ever made in the 60's, 70's, and 80's, or at least it seems like it!

So when the drunk leaves the bar, Dan decides to roll him, and follows him to his car!

It gets deeper when it turns out there was a witness.

Luckily Dan runs into the beautiful Barbara Bates as Helen and her friend, which allows him to blend in with the rest of the crowd. Helen is very pretty, but a bit dim witted. She has a thing for Dan, even though he's busy chasing other skirts like Vera. In fact he ditches her on the spot when he remembers he was supposed to have a date with Vera!

Barbara Bates had all it takes to become a star, but her personal life was like living in quicksand too. Her last appearance was in 1962 in an episode of the TV series "The Saint," titled "The Loaded Tourist." Plagued with personal problems, her career fell apart, and she sadly took her own life in 1969 at the age of 43.

When People Were Shorter And Lived Near The Water - Mickey Rooney was a mere 5' 2" and Peter Lorre was only 5' 3½" tall.

It looks like everything just might turn out all right. 

NOT!!

It seems fifty dollar bills were not that common back in the fifties!

Dan is just about at the end of his rope!

Dan's bullshitting boss pushes him just a little too far, and once he falls off the edge, he strangles the old bastard to pay off his debt to him!

 

Dan is now on the lam for murder, kidnapping and grand larceny, and it was all over twenty bucks and a woman! I hope you kids get the message, and don't end up like this!

That quicksand will draw you in, and wrap you up like a fly in a black widow's web if you're not paying attention!