THE RAVEN / Joseph Bucan: Monster Kid Home Movies - 1970

Welp, here we go with another Monster Kid Home Movie, this time from 1970. It's a kid's adaptation of Poe's THE RAVEN, so, don't be surprised by what you see here!..

This 5 minute silent 8mm 'horror' story starts with something mysterious happening outside Edgar Allen Poe's country home on one dark and lonely night, somewhere...

Believe it or not, this is Edgar Allen Poe, at home, doing some reading and thinking...

Suddenly, Edgar hears something outside, he goes to the window, then to the door... Hmmm, WTF... By the way, nice curtains!

The sound is in the house now, Edgar turns around and the camera pans quickly across the room... The bottom still fascinates me.

And guess what?!.. There's a freaking... Well, novelty toy that looks like a Raven I guess. Anyway, Edgar has that required 'quote the Raven, nevermore' dialogue with the bird...

Then, the Raven turns into a girl!! Huh?!.. I picked out this still because it's just so stunning with all that crap on the print, great job guys!

So, they use a fan on the girl's hair for a spooky effect... Wow, scary!

The girl changes back into the Raven and Edgar tells it to get the Hell out!

Next thing we know, Edgar has disappeared... (?)

Then, we're outside, fade to black!

Here's a classic for you, it sez... The Emd, amazing!.. Stupid kids! So, there you go, join us tomorrow when Eegah!! will set 'em up, just to knock 'em back down!

THE MALTESE FALCON - "Cut 'Em Off At The Past" (1941)

Tonight's Wednesday Classic is the 1941 film "The Maltese Falcon" starring the always fun to watch Humphrey Bogart!

"The Maltese Falcon" is a krazy movie with an amazing cast of characters! I feel stupid even writing about it, because I just feel like everybody should already know everything about a movie like this, but then, maybe not considering the school system these days!

I'm not exactly sure where this movie takes place......

......Maybe in California if I had to guess!

Probably my favorite comedy bit is The Firesign Theatre's "The Further Adventures of Nick Danger," from their album "How Can You Be In Two Places At Once When You're Not Anywhere At All," which is an insane story about a private detective named Nick Danger that is totally based on "The Maltese Falcon."

One of the very first audio gags at the start of the story has Nick Danger introducing himself as Regnad Kcin because he's reading his name backwards from the writing on the glass door just like this!

Humphrey Bogart is Detective Sam Spade, and his partner is Jerome (Black Zoo) Cowan as Miles Archer!
 In the middle is their new client, an absolutely insane woman in my opinion named Brigid O'Shaughnessy, posing as a Miss Wonderly, as played by Mary (Hush...Hush, Sweet Charlotte) Astor!
Jerome Cowan was also in the "Twilight Zone" episode titled "The Sixteen-Millimeter Shrine."

Right out of the box, Miles Archer is shot and killed!

Sam Spade can only get so upset by the death of his partner since he was having an affair with his wife!

This is a great shot of Sam visiting the scene of the crime!

Here's an amazing pair of Detectives as played by Barton MacLane and Ward Bond!!
Barton MacLane had 182 tough guy credits including "Nabonga," "The Mummy's Ghost," "Cry Of The Werewolf," and "Unknown Island."
It's hard to see Ward Bond as anybody else except Major Seth Adams after watching over 100 episodes of "Wagon Train" as a kid!

Sam Spade and Miss Wonderly develop a very strange relationship!

Bogie must roll and smoke at least five cigarettes during the course of the film!

And...Of course, Peter Lorre is in there as the sleazy weasel Joe Cairo!
In the Nick Danger episode, the Joe Cairo character is named Rocky Rococo, because The Firesign Theatre recording is a combination of "The Maltese Falcon," and The Beatles' song "Rocky Raccoon!"

I could watch the scenes with Bogie and Peter Lorre all night long!

Let's not forget the masterful weirdo Elisha Cook Jr. is also in there as hit man Wilmer Cook!
Just some of Elisha's freakin' 219 credits are "House On Haunted Hill," "Black Zoo," "The Haunted Palace," "Blacula," "Messiah Of Evil," etc. etc., and you could usually count on him to have a name like Ice Pick, Mousy, Sweeper, Inky, Banjo, or Spinks!

It's cool to see Bogie smile!

Finally, the package containing the famous bird arrives!

And there it is, in all it's glory, "The Maltese Falcon;
Too bad it's a fake!!

If you've never done it before, now's the time to spend that extra 28 minutes and eleven seconds you've got to listen to
"The Further Adventures Of Nick Danger!"
It's a guaranteed good time!

I'm just going to leave you with this!

 I honestly believe this is one of the most remarkably odd posters I've ever seen!

THE THREE STOOGES / Mummy's Dummies - 1948

It seems that The Three Stooges are the perfect 'go to' guys for an April Fool's post, so, on with the show! I pity the Fool that don't like the Stooges!!

Our tale begins in ancient Egypt, as you can tell from this still...

Here are the boy working away at their job, restoring chariots to sell. Of course, there are lots of silly things going on, Shemp and Larry get slapped a lot as a result of their super shoddy workmanship! What's funny here is they're using car wheels on the chariot.

So, a buyer comes in and buys the chariot, after he leaves the lot, the damn thing completely falls apart when he steps onto it...

Wouldn't you know it, the boys sold the chariot to the head of the palace guards and now they have to go see King Rootentooten (to be executed), played by the wonderful Vernon Dent! He's having a bad day, his tax money was light for some reason, and, he has a bad toothache!

The boys have a plan, they will pull the king's tooth and avoid their demise... So, Shemp is elected to pull the tooth, first, he accidentally pulls Moe's tooth, then, he gets a hold of the king's nose. What's really funny is, Shemp wears glasses, but, has to take them off before he can actually see clearly!!

Shemp finally gets the king's tooth pulled and the boys become royal chamberlains!!

The boys are wandering around the palace when they overhear the head guard tell his pal that he has hidden the missing tax money in the chest there. Moe and Larry nearly get stuck after they hide in the chest.

Meanwhile, Shemp dresses up like a mummy. When a guard opens up the coffin, he comments on what an ugly old cuss the mummy is!

Moe gets conked after he opens the coffin. Of course, Shemp thought Moe was a guard.

Larry and Moe decide to get the chest to the king, so, they use a periscope to transverse the chest through the hallways. When one guard opens the lid, Moe punches him right in the nose!

Everything gets extra crazy when Shemp gets unwrapped in front of the king.

Then, Moe and Larry bring in the knocked out guards in the chest, saving the day and solving the mystery of the missing tax money.

King Rootentooten offers his daughter's hand in marriage, so, the boys fight over the right. Shemp wins the contest and is ready to take a look at his new bride-to-be...

The boys are horrified when they get a good look at her face!!.. So, that's that, tune in Wednesday when we return for another round of weirdness, here, at The Dungeon!