CANNED FEUD - "Der Dosenkrieg" (1951)

I haven't had a chance to watch any cartoons in a while, so tonight it's Warner Bros. Wednesday in The Dungeon and a special featurette from 1951.

It's always amazing to me how many gags and jokes they can pack into seven minutes or less, starting with the fun play on words title "Canned Feud." Just for the record, the German title "Der Rosenkrieg" translates to "War Of The Roses!" How's that for a stretch?

The setup is the family is taking off on a little vacation!

I'm barely getting this done because this is how I've felt all day!

Bad news for Sylvester the cat! 

What horrible cat owners, leaving for two weeks and not leaving any food out for their cat! You think these cartoons are simple but wouldn't it have been much easier to draw almost anything besides an electric mixer?

Just love this shot! It makes for great wallpaper!

So there is plenty of food, there's just no way for Sylvester to get into it without a can opener!

Let the chase begin!

Why is the mouse so mean and hateful anyway?

As it turns out, jumping on a tuna can is not a good way to get it open!

But Sylvester has other means at his disposal that will be more dangerous but just an ineffective!

Those unraveling and exposed wires can't possibly be a good thing!

You probably saw that one coming!

Where do they come up with this stuff? This is what Sylvester looks like after a piano drops on his head!

It's always handy to have fireworks and matches laying around for your cat to get into!

This is not working out for Sylvester at all!

Finally, he brings out the big guns! This has got to work once and for all, and it does, blowing the whole damn wall to smithereens, and finally Sylvester gets his grubby mitts on the can opener!

But amidst all the confusion, the mouse has somehow mananged to hang a lock on the cupboard that contains all the canned food!

And guess who has got the key?

What fun! Seven minutes of violence, hatred, and attempted murder! Hilarious, but is it really any wonder why society is so screwed up??

"That's all Folks!"

GRAVEYARD SHIFT / Terror In The Old Textile Mill - 1990

Today's tale by Stephen King goes like this... In a very old textile mill with a serious rat infestation, the workers discover a horrifying secret deep in the basement...

It stars David (A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET) Andrews, Kelly (LESS THAN ZERO) Wolf, Stephen (GALAXINA) Macht, Andrew (XTRO: WATCH THE SKIES) Divoff, Vic (NIGHT OF THE CREEPS) Polizos and Brad (DUNE) Dourif.

Here's the low IQ crowd normal people have to deal with in Maine, the filming location.

Looking for work, John Hall applies for a job at an old textile mill. He meets with Warwick, manager of the mill, and gets the job.

But, after the disappearance of a worker in the rat infested building, well, it's time for some fresh meat around here!

This is what's left of the exterminator after he's mushed to bejesus by a huge stone block!!

The fun just never stops, one guy gets hooked and another one gets his hand bit off! Thing is though, the rats themselves are not able to cause this kind of gruesome damage!.. Hmmm.

John and Jane get trapped in a deadly flood, they hang on to a floating coffin until it opens up, exposing the skeleton inside!

The two dig their way out of the mess they were in to get themselves into a worse one! Warwick wants to fight, he pummels John and then actually kills Jane with a few punches! Now, that's a freakin' a boneyard!!

So, super ass hole Warwick gets his just desserts, err... I mean, he becomes dessert for some sort of crazy giant super rat!!

Poor John has almost had it, what can he possibly do to end this freakish nightmare?!

He notices that the thing's tail was caught in the grinding machine!

Unable to get near the start button on the machine, he pulls out his trusty slingshot. He finds a full can of Pepsi and slings it at the button!!

He hits the button square and the devilish machine does its job!..

It grinds the monster up into raw rat meat, the regular rats enter the scene and wolf down the remains of the gristly old thing. Well, there you go, another monster bites the dust, here, at The Dungeon!!

TRACKDOWN - "The End Of The World" (1958)

 Welcome back to a blue plate Saturday Night Special feature from 1958!
This is without a doubt the most incredible thing I've seen lately, and it doesn't quit for the full 22 minutes!

 It's hard to imagine that this story was written some 61 years ago, and in that amount of time, we still haven't seemed to learn a damn thing!

 This is a story about a con-man, and a liar, the High Priest of Fraud, a man called called Trump! No, not Donald, but Walter! He's here to save the place from certain disaster because the sky is falling, and only he has the power to keep everybody safe! The metaphors continue for 22 minutes!

 All I can say is that the writer John Robinson must have been clairvoyant to write a story like this!  Besides "Trackdown," John Robinson also wrote many episodes of "Dragnet."

 Robert (I Spy) Culp is Texas Ranger Hoby Gilman. He's a good and honest man!

 That's the crooked sheriff on the left and the shyster Mr. Trump on the right! The sheriff was played by Dabbs Greer who had 317 acting credits including his role in the original "Invasion Of The Body Snatchers," and "It! The Terror From Beyond Space." Dabbs also has the distinction of being in two "Twilight Zone" episodes, "Valley Of The Shadow," and "Hocus-Pocus And Frisby," and two episodes of  "The Outer Limits." Walter Trump was played by Lawrence Dobkin who was also in "The Day The Earth Stood Still," "Them," and "Space Patrol" among his 212 credits! Guys like these two are the unspoken core foundation of two or three decades of movies and TV!

 So Trump tells Hoby that he has degrees in DU MC SSR. That's Doctor Of The Universe, Mastery Of Cometry, and Student Of Stellar Reactions! Hoby ain't impressed!

 Back on the street, Trump has the denizens all fired up, and has them convinced that only he can save them from all the space stuff that's going to come falling down from the sky at midnight. He has protective umbrellas with special deflective signs on them for the people, and to protect their cattle he has this common 5/8" flat washer that he claims is a metal mined in Peru called Magnetium that will also do the trick! The drones just eat it up!

 "I know these people all pretty well, and right now there is nothing in the world that can change their minds, and anybody who tries to, could end up getting hurt. They're not going to listen!"

Bzzzzzzzz!

 It's right about here somewhere that when you watch this spectacle, your jaw will drop when Trump says "Trust me....I can build a wall around your homes that nothing can penetrate!" Nothing, no meteors, and no Mexicans!

 "So what do you want me to do about it?"

 Even more irony, when he gets caught trying to get out of town, Trump tries to buy off the honest Ranger!

 Here's where I think the situation lies, the whole thing was made up, but when they put down their phony umbrellas, they should have got pelted with meteorites anyway for being so gullible!

I dunno, maybe this was really a TV show from 2043 projected back in time by some future civilization as a warning that we forgot to heed, or is it just a coincidence?! Either way, thanks to KD for the lead!
You can try and figure it out for yourself at either the Internet Archive or YouTube, the choice is yours!