XTRO 3: Watch The Skies / Dorian, Inc. - 1995

Hi, today's post is No. 2111 in our quest to review as many wild 'n' weird movies until we just tap out from exhaustion. Thing is, we still have a giant pile of stuff left to do... So you know. Movies that have multiple titles can cause real confusion too, like this one. I bought it because the title did not say XTRO 3, just said XTRO: Watch The Skies. So, I thought it was the original from 1981, but, it ain't.

I have a sound clip for your approval, sooooo, you can push the big red 'GO' button located there by our broken monster cage, NOW, Rufus The Gnat!.. Here are some moments from... XTRO 3!

The movie starts with an alien spaceship entering Earth's atmosphere, undoubtedly here to cause some problems for stupid Earthlings.

Dungeon hero Robert Culp plays Major Guardino, you can hear him talking to an underling in the sound clip as he explains the situation.

Before the group of soldiers ship out on their mission, they get drunk at the bar and cause lots of crap before Captain Fetterman steps in, he pulls the plug on the jukebox and tells them to form a line!

Once the soldiers land at their destination, they form into groups and explore the island. Dumbass goes into the opening and never returns... Dumbass!

XTRO shows his ugly puss and our female trooper gets into some goo it left on a boulder.

When the soldiers go back to the structure and go inside, they find an absolute cavern of horrors waiting for them!

XTRO appears to see WTF! is going on in his lair... Dude can burst into flames!!

The creature is nasty, it loves to perform gruesome medical procedures on its victims!

Break time, let's catch up on the adventures of Marvel's DEFENDERS OF THE EARTH. Looks like we could use them to help out with the current situation.

Anyway, XTRO heads back into space with Captain Fetterman on board. What will happen now?.. Eegah!! is here tomorrow, so, check it out!

DEVIL RIDER - Heros of Cranberry Farm - "Master's Revenge" (1970)

"THE CYCLE JUNGLE OF HOT STEEL AND RAW FLESH! BLOOD & GUTS OF OUTLAWS ON WHEELS! BRUTAL VIOLENCE Turned On By Cool Chicks and Burning Rubber!" Yep, that's exactly how I would have described "Devil Rider" too!

 The thing I like the most about this poster is the mass of humanity on bikes streaming down the right hand side! That's about four thousand more bikers than are actually in this movie!

"Devil Rider" was re-released on tape as "Master's Revenge," which almost make as much sense as the movie itself! The director of "Devil Rider" was Brad F. Grinter, who also directed everybody's favorite turkey "Blood Freak!" "Devil Rider" is not exactly a good movie, and it sure could have used a turkey head or something, but if  you're a Brad F. Grinter completionist, then it's mandatory viewing for sure!

Ridgely Abele was a bonafide world class martial artist! I guess that's what they were trying to capitalize on! His girlfriend is Barry (The Dead One) Mahon's daughter Sharon ( I guess that was the other thing they were trying to capitalize on) in her sole outing! Barry was also the director of cinematography!

Without a doubt, the best thing about "Devil Rider" is this long jam by the Florida band known as Heros of Cranberry Farm at the beginning of the movie! They started out as The Squiremen IV, but other than that, it's hard to find out much about these guys. One guy is named Jim Oliver, and another one is named Jack Vino! Anybody with the real facts is more than welcome to contribute!!

Here's a couple of minutes of what I'm talking about!

She's mad at her martial arts instructor boyfriend, so she goes off with this bunch of Florida bikers led by this dude with an eye patch called The Champ! He's called The Champ because he was supposedly a championship boxer in the Navy!

The shirtless biker with the sombrero cracks me up!

So after what seems like a couple of hours, the girl is reported as missing and her super rich parents are worried about her, but the Mother is worried more about what her snooty friends will think! You can tell how rich they are by their opulent digs!

Just in case you get the shit kicked out of you, the restrooms are conveniently located nearby!

A couple of the biker girls get into a big ole kitty cat fight!

You have to admit that the shots of these neon signs are pretty cool!

The parents are so worried, they hire this private detective to find their daughter! Here he's seen questioning the girl's older sister who is a drunk and a hooker!

She tells him that she ended up this way because she was once raped by a gang of bikers herself, but in her case, the leader was called Playboy instead of Champ!

Finally after what seems like an eternity, Ridgely shows up to go one on one with The Champ, and save his girlfriend!

Ridgely kicks The Champ's ass, but then gets gutted by the guy in the sombrero!

Believe it or not, that's the whole thing!

You'll probably either love it or hate it, but to find out what side of the fence you're on, you can check it out for free right here on YouTube!

MESSAGE FROM SPACE / Toei Company - 1978

Here's another STAR WARS inspired movie that almost boggles the mind with its insane non-stop action and destruction. The peaceful planet of Jillucia has been nearly destroyed by the Gavanas, whose leader takes orders from his mother (played an actor in drag) rather than the mighty Emperor. King Kaiba of Jillucia sends out eight holy seeds into space, each seed is to be received by a chosen one to defend the planet.

I have a sound clip for your approval, sooooo, you can push the big red 'GO' button located there by our Chatty Cathy, NOW, Ralphie The Tarantula!.. Here's a little sample from... MESSAGE FROM SPACE!

Peggy Lee Brennan plays Meia aka Kamikaze, she is one wild space piloting chick, you can hear her constant chatter in the sound clip.

Meia and her pals go out to a forbidden sector to collect those little balls of gold.. Don't ask me!

Vic Morrow is General Garuda, one of the good guys. I ask you, who would ever choose to wear clothes like that?! It's just plain stupid looking.

There are also these bad dudes that look like they just left the BATTLESTAR GALLACTIA set!

Here's the scene where Meia is dancing to the (futuristic?) music and yaks constantly, as heard in the sound clip. I swear, that girl would be a barrel of monkeys in the sack!!

The rebels attack the bad guys and there is a spectacular battle that ensues. That's a pretty nifty view of all the action from the bay window there! Wish I had one of 'em...

The General talks to his little R2D2 pal, what the Hell's going on around here? This is what drives me crazy with so many movies that came out after STAR WARS and ALIEN, nobody had an original thought any more, just rip stuff off!

Welp, the rebels finally make it to their destination, and wouldn't you know it, these guys are what they're there to defend?! I say, shoot 'em!.. JEEZ!!

Anyway, back to blowing the crap out of the bad guys!!.. Go, Meia!

The bad guys lose, and, the galleon of peace floats through space just like in Toho's WAR IN SPACE from 1977. Now I wonder what Eegah!! will have for us on Wednesday...