DRÀCULA CONTRA FRANKENSTEIN - Josyane Gibert - "Boom Boom Polka Pachanga" (1972)

Now don't get me wrong, I firmly believe that all Jesus Franco flicks would probably fall into the WTF?! category, it's just that "Dracula Prisoner of Frankenstein" is one of the most inane and WTF!? films Jess Franco ever made, that's inane, not insane, and that's not exactly a good thing, and I don't think it would be fair to blame Mary Shelley or Bram Stoker, because they sure as Hell didn't have anything to do with it!!

This is Dennis Price as Dr. Frankenstein! He narrates his own story, and almost has the only speaking part in this whole film. That's right, "Dracula Prisoner Of Frankenstein" is almost completely devoid of dialogue. It gets to the point where you wonder if you dozed off, and missed something, but in reality, it's the captain of this ship who has fallen asleep at the wheel!

This is Dr. Frankenstein's WTF!? Batmobile!!

The bad doctor rematerializes the Frankenstein monster with his uncanny high tech equipment!!

When the make-up is merely drawn on, maybe it's not such a good idea to do big close ups Jesus!

Then out of the blue, just like in almost every other Jesus Franco film, there's an interactive party going on down at the local pub, with Josyane Gibert as Estela the cabaret girl, putting on a rousing show that will snap you right out of your slumber!

The rest of the music for the film was composed by musical heavies Bruno Nicolai and Daniel White, but it's Josyane who steals the show!! Both Bruno and Daniel have immense composing credits, but my favorite title out of the whole bunch is "My Horse, My Gun, Your Widow!"

As it turns out, Josyane's performance was a segue to her being captured by the slow and plodding monster, who manages to get away from the authorities, and even though he sludges along at a snail's pace, nobody is able to follow him!

Dr. Frankenstein is trying to revive Howard Vernon as Dracula, who he found hanging out in his basement, so he needs blood from young ladies like Josyane!

One vampire is never enough, so Britt Nichols joins the party as the Chica Vampira! Caliente!!

As we all know, every mad doctor has to have a sidekick assistant with a name like Igor to do his dirty work, and in this movie, it's Luis Barboo as Morpho! Even though Luis looks the part with this loco furry hat, there is also yet another character in this film that I neglected to get a picture of, Brandy, in his solo film outing, as El Hombre Lobo or The Wolfman!!

You have to see this movie just because Dungeon fave and all around weirdo, Howard Vernon is in it!!

Dr. Frankenstein explains the intricacies of the plot to the viewer...

....and also his disdain!!!

The lab of the man who in the German version is called Dr. Exorzio! Maybe he's a dentist in the German version!

It's another slow night in the gothic cafeteria!!

Howard's got time to go out on another bloodthirsty adventure!!

The whole story is starting to unravel!!

Alberto Dalbés as Doctor Jonathan Seward has the last word, the same thing that you'll be saying when "Drácula Contra Frankenstein" is over, if you live through it!

WTF!? Even the posters for "Drácula Contra Frankenstein" are weirder than Hell!!The poster at the top of the page was a blatant Universal ripoff, and in the one at the bottom, Dracula's eyes are about to pop out and Frankenstein looks more like Michael Jackson!!

THE FLYING SERPENT / PRC - 1946

Welcome to Moldie Oldie Monday here at the Dungeon, with Tabonga and li'l Dungeon helper, Rufus the Gnat! Today's feature is another oldie they overplayed on TV in the fifties, at least where I lived!

This story goes like this... "The demented archaeologist Dr. Andrew Forbes (George Zucco) discovers a living, breathing serpent creature known to the Aztecs as Quetzalcoatl (the Killer Bird God) and accidentally kills his wife by giving her one of the beast's feathers, causing the creature to track her down and slaughter her. Now Dr. Forbes uses this twisted knowledge to extract revenge upon his enemies by placing one of the serpent's feathers on his intended victim and letting the beast loose to wreak havoc."

Uncredited music is by Leo Erdody, who also composed for movies like MURDER IN THE BIG HOUSE, HITLER--DEAD OR ALIVE, QUEEN OF BROADWAY, DEAD MEN WALK, GIRLS IN CHAINS, DANGER! WOMEN AT WORK, BLUEBEARD, WHITE PONGO, DETOUR, BLONDE FOR A DAY, GASHOUSE KIDS and THE RETURN OF RIN TIN TIN!

So, it's time for tiny li'l Rufus to buzz across the room and push that big red 'GO' button and start our Eariffic Earclip rolling! Here's!.. THE FLYING SERPENT!

This still sums it all up!

Wow, these scenes look like they're out of an AZTEC MUMMY flick!

Quintessential madman George Zucco plays another excellent role, this time as Prof. Andrew Forbes, keeper of a dark and sinister secret that's a billion years old!

Dr. Lambert plays the perfect stooge and falls prey to the winged serpent... I'm pretty sure that's a pheasant feather!

These two shots of Quetzalcoatl are great, it looks fairly frightening!

The 'lamestream media' bring in people who can actually solve the mystery! I think that's a young Richard Crane there, holding that gizmo with the antenna.

The reporters stake out an area where the monster had been spotted... Wait, what's that?!

George lies to Hope Kramer to get her to go with him, where he plans to do away with her because, you know... She knows too much!! Hope was only in one other movie, I WAS A COMMUNIST FOR THE FBI in 1951!

Everbloody escapes from the underground horror...

Bang! Bang! Bang!!

I know what we're having for dinner tonight!!

THE END!.. Buy Gary US Bonds!!

WEREWOLF WOMAN aka LA LUPA MANNARA (Italy, 1976). Swanky Soundtrack by Coriolano Gori

Oh, Crap!! Hey Everybody, Eegah!! here! I had something special cooked up for you tonight, but last night, the night of our 1000th post, I obliterated my computer, and I'm actually not kidding this time, so here he is when I really need him, the designated hitter in a pinch, the guest host with the most, Zillagord!

Welcome, aficionados of the atrocious to another installment of Zillagord’s Corner. Or perhaps I should call it Zilla’s Pastaria, since lately this cub reporter’s been walking a beat through the cinematic depths of Italy to bring you, dear readers, the scoop on celluloid poop! And my nose for… uh… news had led me to once again step in it: today’s installment is an unctuous little number called WEREWOLF WOMAN. It’ll make you feel oilier than the meatball grinder down at Gino’s! Just gimme a moment to scrape it off my boot….

Tagline for this piece of focaccia: “A true story so brutal and horrifying it was kept from the public for a century!” Coulda been forever, I don’t think anyone but a few preverts woulda minded. As with so many of these sleazy 70s creature features, WEREWOLF WOMAN is little more than sexploitation disguised as a horror flick. That’s right, degenerates, this flick’s for you: while you’re pressing rewind at the end of this, the rest of us’ll be showering to wash it off.

Good thing Coriolano Gori was along to provide the wakka-chickas. Gori (dig that name) scored over 90 flicks in his career, including Italian sleazeramas like BESTIALITY, THE SINFUL NUNS OF ST. VALENTINE, and KING DICK. Gori also composed the music for a bunch of Spaghetti Westerns, including the awesomely titled THE HANDSOME, THE UGLY, AND THE STUPID, which was surprisingly not about the authors of this blog!

Bleeve it or not, I actually take notes during these flicks. I wrote two words at the top of the page during this one: “hairy tits!”

That’s Annik Borel as the TITular character. Ms. Borel only made a handful of films in her day, most meant for men with their hands full! She appeared in Zillagord fave BLOOD ORGY OF THE SHE DEVILS and blaxploitation classic TRUCK TURNER, too—a well-rounded but brief resume of exploitation. Dig that unibrow, she’s givin’ Frida Kahlo a run for her peso.

Alas, her lycanthropic rampage is merely a farkakte dream. Again. Really, this cockamamie dream sequence routine got me to thinking: maybe all the films I’ve watched are actually a dream, hopefully I’ll wake up soon and the whole thing’ll be over….

Dagmar Lassander (Fulci’s HOUSE BY THE CEMETARY, VICE WEARS BLACK HOSE, HATCHET FOR A HONEYMOON) also disrobes in this one. Her hubby is Were-girl’s first victim!

Turns out this lupine lass only thinks she’s a werewolf due to some psychobabble about an ancient family curse and the abusive treatment she’s received from men. Where’s Freud when we need him? Oh, he’s down the hall, doing some blow…

Instead we get Elio Zamuto (NURSE IN THE MILITARY MADHOUSE, RED LIGHT GIRLS) as the shrink. This guy’s a pack of multi-syllabic goobledegook. Best line: “Breast, leg—it’s all the same to a doctor.” A real charmer with the ladies, but a good guy to have around on Thanksgiving to clean up the scraps!

Nice bedside manner, doc! Doesn’t hurt a bit!

Note to Greg Goodsell (this guy’s been getting a lot of play here of late): much like my omission of the “gay psychedelic rape scene” from WARRIORS OF THE WASTELAND, I am unable to provide pics of the “insane nymphomaniac lesbian rape scene” from this one. Sorry bro!

Having endured the doc and the nympho, Were-Gal excapes and starts peepin’ and killin’ everyone in the Italian countryside having sex. Where’s Foxy Knoxy in all this??

Really folks, if America had as much Bush in the White House as is exposed in this flick, we’d be in worse shape than we are now!

Just when it looks like our heroine is gonna settle down and stop killing, onto the scene comes scuzzball Salvatore Billa. This creep has been around forever, with bit parts in almost 100 flicks, including THREE AMENS FOR SATAN, HOUSE OF PLEASURE FOR WOMEN, and even GANGS OF NEW YORK! Here, he shows his range as a crazee rapist…

Really a cringe-worthy scene. Making matters worse is the insipid dialog the rapists shout at our lupine lass, including the laughable “Now I’m gonna lay you!” Ugh…

It’s here the film takes another turn, as Wolfy goes all Chuck Bronson on the men who violated her.

No airbag to soften the blow, a-hole!

Perfect analogy for the film, which should also be put on the scrapheap!

One of the most enjoyably laughable qualities of the film is the dubbed dialog, courtesy of Leslie Daniels (RIOT IN A WOMEN’S PRISON, THE BRAIN THAT WOULDN’T DIE! Characters ramble on and on just so their words match the movements of their mouths. Fave line from the detective: “Very interesting theory, and somewhat fascinating.” Uh, thanks Mr. Spock!

Her revenge served cold, Were-Gal retreats to the country and breaks out the briquettes for a BBQ served warm.

Damn loquacious cops stop jawing long enough to track down our howlin’ honey and take her away, ending her reign of terror while a narrator informs us that this is a true story and all the names have been changed to protect those who did not actually expose their genitals for the profits of Italian exploitation.

Unfortunately, dear readers, I did not awaken after watching this. Thus, the nightmare that is MONSTER MOVIE MUSIC continues-- guess I’ll just keep livin’ the dream! Here’s to our next 1000! Stay tuned!