Oh, Crap!! Hey Everybody, Eegah!! here! I had something special cooked up for you tonight, but last night, the night of our 1000th post, I obliterated my computer, and I'm actually not kidding this time, so here he is when I really need him, the designated hitter in a pinch, the guest host with the most, Zillagord!
Welcome, aficionados of the atrocious to another installment of Zillagord’s Corner. Or perhaps I should call it Zilla’s Pastaria, since lately this cub reporter’s been walking a beat through the cinematic depths of Italy to bring you, dear readers, the scoop on celluloid poop! And my nose for… uh… news had led me to once again step in it: today’s installment is an unctuous little number called WEREWOLF WOMAN. It’ll make you feel oilier than the meatball grinder down at Gino’s! Just gimme a moment to scrape it off my boot….
Tagline for this piece of focaccia: “A true story so brutal and horrifying it was kept from the public for a century!” Coulda been forever, I don’t think anyone but a few preverts woulda minded. As with so many of these sleazy 70s creature features, WEREWOLF WOMAN is little more than sexploitation disguised as a horror flick. That’s right, degenerates, this flick’s for you: while you’re pressing rewind at the end of this, the rest of us’ll be showering to wash it off.
Good thing Coriolano Gori was along to provide the wakka-chickas. Gori (dig that name) scored over 90 flicks in his career, including Italian sleazeramas like BESTIALITY, THE SINFUL NUNS OF ST. VALENTINE, and KING DICK. Gori also composed the music for a bunch of Spaghetti Westerns, including the awesomely titled THE HANDSOME, THE UGLY, AND THE STUPID, which was surprisingly not about the authors of this blog!
Bleeve it or not, I actually take notes during these flicks. I wrote two words at the top of the page during this one: “hairy tits!”
That’s Annik Borel as the TITular character. Ms. Borel only made a handful of films in her day, most meant for men with their hands full! She appeared in Zillagord fave BLOOD ORGY OF THE SHE DEVILS and blaxploitation classic TRUCK TURNER, too—a well-rounded but brief resume of exploitation. Dig that unibrow, she’s givin’ Frida Kahlo a run for her peso.
Alas, her lycanthropic rampage is merely a farkakte dream. Again. Really, this cockamamie dream sequence routine got me to thinking: maybe all the films I’ve watched are actually a dream, hopefully I’ll wake up soon and the whole thing’ll be over….
Dagmar Lassander (Fulci’s HOUSE BY THE CEMETARY, VICE WEARS BLACK HOSE, HATCHET FOR A HONEYMOON) also disrobes in this one. Her hubby is Were-girl’s first victim!
Turns out this lupine lass only thinks she’s a werewolf due to some psychobabble about an ancient family curse and the abusive treatment she’s received from men. Where’s Freud when we need him? Oh, he’s down the hall, doing some blow…
Instead we get Elio Zamuto (NURSE IN THE MILITARY MADHOUSE, RED LIGHT GIRLS) as the shrink. This guy’s a pack of multi-syllabic goobledegook. Best line: “Breast, leg—it’s all the same to a doctor.” A real charmer with the ladies, but a good guy to have around on Thanksgiving to clean up the scraps!
Nice bedside manner, doc! Doesn’t hurt a bit!
Note to Greg Goodsell (this guy’s been getting a lot of play here of late): much like my omission of the “gay psychedelic rape scene” from WARRIORS OF THE WASTELAND, I am unable to provide pics of the “insane nymphomaniac lesbian rape scene” from this one. Sorry bro!
Having endured the doc and the nympho, Were-Gal excapes and starts peepin’ and killin’ everyone in the Italian countryside having sex. Where’s Foxy Knoxy in all this??
Really folks, if America had as much Bush in the White House as is exposed in this flick, we’d be in worse shape than we are now!
Just when it looks like our heroine is gonna settle down and stop killing, onto the scene comes scuzzball Salvatore Billa. This creep has been around forever, with bit parts in almost 100 flicks, including THREE AMENS FOR SATAN, HOUSE OF PLEASURE FOR WOMEN, and even GANGS OF NEW YORK! Here, he shows his range as a crazee rapist…
Really a cringe-worthy scene. Making matters worse is the insipid dialog the rapists shout at our lupine lass, including the laughable “Now I’m gonna lay you!” Ugh…
It’s here the film takes another turn, as Wolfy goes all Chuck Bronson on the men who violated her.
No airbag to soften the blow, a-hole!
Perfect analogy for the film, which should also be put on the scrapheap!
One of the most enjoyably laughable qualities of the film is the dubbed dialog, courtesy of Leslie Daniels (RIOT IN A WOMEN’S PRISON, THE BRAIN THAT WOULDN’T DIE! Characters ramble on and on just so their words match the movements of their mouths. Fave line from the detective: “Very interesting theory, and somewhat fascinating.” Uh, thanks Mr. Spock!
Her revenge served cold, Were-Gal retreats to the country and breaks out the briquettes for a BBQ served warm.
Damn loquacious cops stop jawing long enough to track down our howlin’ honey and take her away, ending her reign of terror while a narrator informs us that this is a true story and all the names have been changed to protect those who did not actually expose their genitals for the profits of Italian exploitation.
Unfortunately, dear readers, I did not awaken after watching this. Thus, the nightmare that is MONSTER MOVIE MUSIC continues-- guess I’ll just keep livin’ the dream! Here’s to our next 1000! Stay tuned!