THE FILM FAN - "Porky's Day Out" (1939)

Here's a great little Weird Wednesday distraction! It's a 1939 Warner Bros. cartoon titled "The Film Fan." Originally made in black and white, it was colorized once in 1968, and then again with a computer in 1992.

This one stars a very youthful Pork Pig as a boy with a short attention span!

A local movie theater is just getting ready to have their grand opening!

There are all kinds of gags of course!

And more jokes!

Porky Pig has been sent by his Mother to go to the market to get a loaf of bread, and a bottle of milk, so as he walks he's repeating her words to him......."A loaf of bread, a bottle of milk, and come home right away" over and over!

But when he walks by the theater, his brain automatically changes the verse to "A loaf of bread, a bottle of milk and kids admitted free."

At that point, he stops dead in his tracks, and makes a beeline into the theater!

Back in the day, the theaters would show cartoons, and short newsreels before the movie started!

Good time for more gags!

This scientist named Professor Widebottom is responsible for coming up with this super prismatic microscope that allows humans for the first time in scientific history to see germs in their blood stream!

Not really that funny any more!

The scientist turns out to be a big goof that you wouldn't really want to trust to do anything!

It was free, but Poky got a seat all the way in the back, but then he sees that there is a vacant seat in the front row so he bolts down the aisle!

A film teacher in college told me movies were made to be bigger than life, and you should always sit in the first 10 or 12 rows, so you won't have any distractions!

In 1978 when "Superman" came out, the show was almost sold out, and I think we got the two last tickets, because the only seats available were in the front row, and it looked exactly like this!

More gags!

I love this shot of all the kids really enjoying the show! It reminds me a lot of going to a matinee on Saturday morning when I was about Porky's age.

I guess the reference point will be a moot point soon!

That will no longer be a problem!

The Usher gets an angry call from Porky's Mother and makes the announcement.....

"If there is a little boy in this theater that was sent to the store by his Mother, he better get home right away!" and Porky slithers out of his seat and runs away up the aisle!

The story ends with the whole theater emptying out and deflating because every kid there was doing the same thing!

THE GHOST SHIP / MYSTERY TERROR! - 1943

Here's one I recorded off TCM like 8 years ago, the story goes like this... Tom Merriam signs onto the cargo ship Altair as the third officer under Captain Stone. At first things seem normal, the Captain looks at Merriam as a younger version of himself, and the young man sees Stone as the first adult to ever treat him as a friend. But after two very strange deaths of crew members, Merriam begins to think that Stone is a psychopathic madman obsessed with authority (whoa, timely!). He tries to inform other crew members (but no one will listen to him) and this makes Captain Stone very angry..

This one stars Richard (RKO superstar, father of Robert) Dix, Russell (THE BODY SNATCHER) Wade, Ben (THE LEOPARD MAN) Bard, Edmund (THE CURSE OF THE CAT PEOPLE) Glover and Skelton (MASTER MINDS) Knaggs - Man, you gotta love Skelton, he basically replaced Dwight Frye's type character in the forties. He died at age 43.

Tom Merriam is on his way to join the crew on the Good Ship Lollipop, Err, the Altair 4... Anyway, before he boards the vessel, he has a friendly chat with a blind vendor. The man tells him that the Altair is a cursed ship, and that he should think twice before it takes off. Tom thinks the guy's a little strange and heads off to the ramp.

Before they even they shove off (you shove off!) someone is missing from the roll call. That's because he's lying there dead for some reason... Sorry dude, it's time for us to shove off now!

Out at sea, the ship encounters a storm. The huge iron hook was not tied down even though the Captain was warned of an approaching storm, so, a few men are ordered to secure it however possible! Well, the hook crashes into one of the lifeboats, knocking it off the ship, and the men barely escape injury before it's secured!

Tom and the Captain have a little chat about the incident. Tom learns that the man in charge has some issues with his authority, but he's not convinced that the Captain's a bad guy, yet.

One of the crew gets appendicitis and two of the men have to play doctor as Sparks, the radio operator, relays instructions on how to remove it from a surgeon!

Tom has a heart to heart with Sparks, and even though there's a lot of evidence the Captain may be a murderer, the third officer still doesn't want to think the Captain would ever do that.

One crewman had words with the Captain, and the Captain told him that everthing's cool, but that, you know, other captains might hold it against him. So, the guy is in the chain storage chamber with the door open so he can get out before the last of the chain is in place...

Captain Stone just happens to be wandering by, and shuts the door!!

Tom basically catches the Captain in the act and tells the sicko that he murdered the man!

Tom quits and wants the Captain to drop him off at the nearest port! Stone says sure, no problem, but remember that other captains might hold something like this against you. Of course the Captain was putting on an act and threatens Tom with a gun!

Skelton (real name) plays Finn, a mute, who's the pint sized hero in this story. He finds a telegram from the captain that states a big lie to the authorities about the deaths. Boy, this sounds sooooo damn familiar!!

Tom has it out with the Captain after Sparks is found dead. He then tries to strangle the Captain until some crewmen take him away.

In this scene, it's evident that Stone is totally insane...

Tom has been tied down, drugged and muzzled. And just as he's ready to be stabbed to death by the crazed Captain, Finn shows up, just in the nick of time!!

The little guy is wiry as Hell and gives the Captain a run for his money.

The murderer is taken out by his own blade and brings the story to a happy ending. Speaking of endings, this post ends the most insane June I've ever lived through. Join us Wednesday as we begin probably another crazy month, here at The Dungeon!!..

UFO - "Identified" (1970)

 This week I've got a real Saturday Night Special for you, and it's loaded and ready to go!

 "UFO" was a British TV show that was on for one season from 1970-71.

The first episode was titled "Identified."

 Gerry and Sylvia Anderson were projecting ten years into the future!

So sit back and just imagine how the world was supposed to be exactly forty years ago!

They might have got a couple of things wrong!

 First off, the future, I mean the past, is all about sex, and I've got evidence to back up this theory!

Nine years later and Sid Vicious was dead! Was it irony or prophecy?

You tell me! He was from Space you know!

 One of the earliest first person shooter games, "DOOM" didn't come out until some 23 years later!

 I never was quite sure why the Andersons thought the cars of the future should all look like Studebaker Avanti variations!

So here's the deal, forty years ago, there was a secret force that kept the Earth safe from UFO's.

The weird part is that most of the time they refer to them as 'you-fos' not 'you eff ohs!' That part takes a little getting used to.

 So that's basically the whole show in a nutshell!

 When they're not having to deal with UFO's, then it's just .......

 ......Sex......

 ......Sex.............

 .............And more Sex!

  Got any complaints? Talk to the Manager!

 Booze vending machines rock!

 These two guys just figured out that in retrospect, forty years ago compared to the present day, wasn't that bad after all!

Thanks Gerry and Sylvia! The world needed that!