CAPTIVE WOMEN - Charles Koff - "1000 Years From Now" (1952)

Howdy Ya'll, and welcome to the Saturday Night Valentines Day 2015 version of The Dungeon, and tonight's extraordinarily special feature film.....a movie about true love.....

"CAPTIVE WOMEN!"

Tonight's ridiculously hard to find film should not be confused with any of these movies, from 1943, "Captive Wild Woman," or "Hercules And The Captive Women" from 1961, and for damn sure not the Nazi sexplotation flick from 1977, "Captive Women 4!"

"Captive Women" is set in the year 3000 in New York City! After the nuclear holocaust, society became divided into three separate communities, the Norms and the Upriver peeps, and folks like this guy, the Mutant Mutates, and naturally, none of them get along!

The norms still know how to hang out and be cool!

This guy is from the Upriver Norms community, but he looks like a mutant in this shot! By his side is Norm Gal Ruth as played by The Flying Nun Sally Field's Mother, Margaret Field! Margaret was also in "The Man From Planet X," and she was Emma Senescu in the "Twilight Zone" episode titled "The New Exhibit!" If her name doesn't sound that familiar, it might be because in the "Twilight Zone" show and in many of her other appearances, Margaret was billed as Maggie Mahoney!

There's a big wedding going down between Dungeon Hall of Famer Robert (THE MAN FROM PLANET X, THE ASTOUNDING SHE-MONSTER, THE HIDEOUS SUN DEMON) Clarke as Robert, and the out of this world Gloria (ADVENTURES OF SUPERMAN, SPACE PATROL) Saunders as the amazing two-faced witch bitch Catherine!

The music in the sound clip from this festive wedding celebration was created by Charles Koff who composed the music for two of the other Robert Clarke features, "The Man From Planet X," and "Sword Of Venus!" Charles also wrote the theme song for the "Topper" TV series

The Norms opened their hearts and their gates up in a show of good will, and let a small faction of the Upriver people unarmed to the big party, but the dirty bastards rode in on a Trojan Horse, and when the opportunity arrived, they attacked and killed the Norm elders, and anybody else they could get their greasy hands on!

I apologize for the quality of the stills from this movie, but this was the best copy I could get my hands on! Consequently, I don't exactly remember what was going in here, but this is a pretty weird shot nevertheless!

One of the most recognizable faces in Hollywood history (But you probably don't know his name) with a mere 369 acting credits to his name, here's yet another Dungeon Hall of Famer, William Schallert as the Mutate rebel-rouser Carver! Here's just a couple of pages out of William's immense catalog: M, THE MAN FROM PLANET X, THE GIRLS OF PLEASURE ISLAND, RIOT IN CELL BLOCK 11, PORT SINISTER, GOG, THEM!, TOBAR THE GREAT, THE INCREDIBLE SHRINKING MAN, THE MONOLITH MONSTERS, and I'll just cap it off with his appearance in the"Twilight Zone" episode "Policeman!" William's going to be like 93 on July 6 of this year!  He was an ass in this movie, but he was a champion in real life!!

Gloria Saunders is so wicked in this film! She plays up to whichever man is in power, and switches her allegiance at the bat of one of her beautiful eyes!  Gloria's birthday is the day after mine, and she passed away in Bakersfield in 1980 at what we would consider the young age of 52, and we never even knew it! Sometimes life just ain't that fair!

Meanwhile Margaret is doing her stint in the Go-Go cage! (The reason Ruth is incarcerated is because her and Catherine got into a big ole catfight!!)

Ron (The Girl In Black Stockings) Randell is Gordon the Mutate that matters! The sentiment that backfires in his face is "Can't we just all get along?" Stuart Randall is also in there somewhere and was in all these 1950's gay porno movies: RUSTLERS ON HORSEBACK, ROUGH RIDERS OF DURANGO, INSIDE THE WALLS OF FOLSOM PRISON, FIXED BAYONETS, MEXICAN MANHUNT, and MAN WITH THE STEEL WHIP!

I'm sure this matte painting of the New York City skyline looked cool, but this is the best I could come up with these days! At least you can vaguely get the idea!

Catherine is used one last time as bait, but with fake whiplashes this time! "Oh, please help me kind sirs," or some bullshit like that! She's gone way beyond crying wolf! Nobody's falling for her crap any more, and she's about to pay for her infidelity!

And the walls came crumbling down! Run like Hell before the whole river comes crashing in on your future primitive skulls!

This film is called "Captive Women" because whenever they get the opportunity, the Mutate's capture Norm women in an attempt to birth future generations of normal children! The happy ending to this sad tale is that Ruth is the first Norm woman to voluntarily try to be part of the equation, and isn't that what you would expect from Sally Fields' Mom? One other thing you can know for sure, and that is Eegah!! and Tabonga! love you!

CHANDU ON THE MAGIC ISLAND / Sol Lesser Productions - 1935

Whoa, it's Friday The 13th, our favorite day, here at The Dungeon!.. Beware of giant cat idols, wherever you may find them, that's what I always say! Bela Lugosi is the good guy in this crazy little flick, the third and last title in the Chandu trilogy.

Here's a sound clip from this wild flick for your approval, sooooo, you can push the big red 'GO' button over by our magic rock pile, NOW, Rufus The Gnat!.. Here's a little taste of... CHANDU ON THE MAGIC ISLAND!

In Hollywood, on the mystic island of Lemuria, the cult of Ubasti seek the Egyptian Princess Nadji to sacrifice so that their goddess Ossana, whose soul resides in Nadji's body, may be resurrected by Black Magic!

This is the leader of the Ubasti cult, the high priest Vitras, he looks a lot like a nutty Larry Fine on the poster!

Nadji is shielded by the White Magical powers of Frank Chandler, an American raised by Eastern mystics who is also known as Chandu.

After Chandu and his friends (including Nadji) become shipwrecked off the shore of the magic island, they're captured and Chandu is threatened by a huge rock slowly being lowered onto him!! Chandu's face sez it all.

Chandu's little buddy helps save him from the sinister contraption.

Hmmm, wonder where we've seen this giant gate before?!

Vitras is ready to hail the reincarnated Nadji but guess who shows up to ruin the fun?

Why, I'll kill you, you dirty...

But, Chandu casts a spell and...

The whole place comes tumbling down... Hurray for Chandu!! Tune in tomorrow when Eegah!! will address Valentine's Day!

THE GAS HOUSE KIDS IN HOLLYWOOD - Albert Glasser - Carl Switzer (1947)

So just how many freakin' ghost story - haunted house - crime movies did they make in the 30's, 40's and 50's anyhow? Beats the living Hell out of me, but one thing I do know is that tonight's Dungeon feature is one of them!!

I don't know about today, but it used to be that everybody knew who the "Little Rascals," or "Our Gang," or "The Eastside Kids," or "The Bowery Boys" were, so I can only suppose that nobody knows who the much lesser known "Gas House Kids" were!

The "Gas House Kids" are four young men from New York headed to Hollywood to see their hero on the television, Lance Carter! In the front seat is Benny (Butch in the Bowery Boys) Bartlett as Orvie, and Rudy (Gas House Kids Go West) Wissler as Scat! In The Back is Tommy (Butch in Our Gang) Bond as Chimp, and Carl (Alfalfa) Switzer as Alfalfa! Two Butch's from two different gangs, how weird is that?

Yep, same Alfalfa from "The Little Rascals!" Carl was about 20 when this film was made, and No, he kept two of his trademark characteristics, the name Alfalfa, and the fact that he still can't sing! Dungeon stalwart Albert (Monster From Green Hell, Beginning Of The End, The Cyclops, The Amazing Colossal Man, Earth Vs The Spider) Glasser, what a gasser, was the composer of most of the music in this film, but here's just a little of Alfalfa's singing instead!

Warning: Make sure and there are no dogs in the room and that all the crystal is tucked away safely before listening to this clip!

Nice Woody, but instead of a surfboard, it's got a coffin in the back!

The boys give the kindly old man and his box a ride to his Hollywood home after the Woody busts an axle! The old man turns out to be a Professor Gately Crawford, a very complex person!

How fortunate for the boys that the Professor has a beautiful daughter with a bunch of beautiful friends! The Professor's daughter Hazel is the drop dead gorgeous Jan (The Frozen Ghost) Bryant!

The Professor also has the dead body of his dear old friend that he is using to find some kind of time portal! Pretty cool mad lab!

The kids and the girls are getting along famously, and having a grand time out by the pool!

Even in a comedy, the concept of a dead body in a swimming pool is pretty gross!

The boys go to the movie studio and bust in to see if they can enlist the help of their hero Lance Carter to solve this murder mystery!

Michael (Missile To The Moon) Whalen is Lance Carter! He welcomes the boys into his dressing room, and accepts their invitation to help them with this case! Lance is a two-faced liar! He is one of the guys responsible for all the weird happenings at the Professor's home!

The police are spending 100% of their time investigating these murders!

Back in the days of "Our Gang," Butch and Alfalfa weren't such tight buddies!

This gag was also used in a "Three Stooges" episode, except instead of a skeleton it was a ghost!

The candle is moving by itself, in the dark, they couldn't see that they had put it on top of a tortoise!

Movies just wouldn't be the same without guys like Milton Parsons as Professor Crawford! Here's just a handful of his 164 credits, HOLD THAT GHOST, CRY OF THE WEREWOLF, DICK TRACY VS. CUEBALL, DICK TRACY MEETS GRUESOME, & THE MONSTER THAT CHALLENGED THE WORLD! Milton was also in three "Twilight Zone" episodes, "The New Exhibit," "I Dream Of Genie," and "Once Upon A Time!"

It's difficult for kids to grow up and remain cute and innocent, so sure, The Gas House Kids are an awkward bunch, but considering that Carl Switzer got shot and killed over a $50.00 dispute, I think it all makes sense! I found "The Gas House Kids In Hollywood" streaming on Amazon Prime, and you probably can too, if you want to!