KOROLEVSTVO KRIVYKH ZERKAL - "Kingdom Of Crooked Mirrors" (1963)

 Greg Goodsell here – sorry I’ve been gone so long, but I’ve been bogged down with this thing called life. Anyway, here we go down the rabbit hole for the exquisite Russian fantasy film KINGDOM OF THE CROOKED MIRRORS.

 There have been a lot of Russian fairy tales made into movies, but this one should be especially accessible to western audiences as it’s short, funny and constantly amazing! Dig in! 

And so it begins -- these rotten Russian kids are poking their heads through a lattice showing a film intended for adults only when our heroine Olya (Olga Yukina) remembers she's running late and she needs to make it to Grandma's house!

Switzerland had 500 years of peace and Democracy and WHAT DID IT GET THEM? The cuckoo clock!

Here is Olya, our Soviet heroine, all precious in pigtails, before she mounts her most surrealistic adventure!

Her sweet Russian grandma-ma tells her she needs to be a bit more conscious of her actions and to keep up appearances! Kind of interesting to find such capitalistic sentiments in a Russian kiddie film!

All this blue and red gel lighting -- it appears that some Mario Bava movies made it past the Iron Curtain!

Like her British counterpart Alice, our plucky heroine ventures into what lies behind the mirror! Love the Caligari-esque frame this is in!

BANG! She meets her identical twin (Aylo – Olya spelled backwards because she’s in the mirror, right?) within the land of the mirror! No worries! They become fast playmates and go on a rollicking adventure! Aylo is played by Olga’s real-life twin sister, Tatyana Yuina!

This is just the beginning of all the surrealistic eye candy as the twins descend a staircase and the titular Kingdom unfolds on them in this fashion!

Beautiful matte painting I just HAD to share!

Yes -- it's THE KINGDOM OF THE CROOKED MIRRORS! Beautiful shot!

The fun has just begun as we are introduced to the Kingdom's colorful -- and very pompous and arrogant citizens!

Alejandro Jodorowsky's latest film, THE DANCE OF REALITY, has quite a few characters that look like they could have stepped out of this movie.

I'll bet you a sawbuck that these wicked stepsisters are men in drag!

So many wonderful matte paintings! I'm going to use up my pictorial allotment but I JUST DON'T CARE!

Here we meet poor put upon "Dneirf," which is Friend" backward -- we're in a mirror world, remember? And the plucky twins set out to free him from enslavement, setting the story in place!

Boorish capitalists make Dneirf earn his wage!

The decadent party-goers all have a distinct Eighties "vibe" to them, with their poofed up hair -- but this is 1963! I guess Russian filmmakers were prescient!

Girls just want to have fun!

Well – KINGDOM OF THE CROOKED MIRRORS is so wonderful, grumpy ol’ Eegah said I could do this in two parts in order to share all the wonky visuals found herein! So tune in on Saturday for more Soviet surrealism as we conclude – THE KINGDOM OF CROOKED MIRRORS!

THE PICTURE OF DORIAN GRAY / Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer - 1945

It's time for a classic forties horror flick that was filmed in black and white with special color segments used for shock value. It had a hefty budget of $3,500,000 and was filmed at the MGM studios in Culver City, released a few months before the end of WWII. The story begins in London in 1886...

Eegah!! sent over a sound clip from this movie for our earjoyment, sooooo, you can push the big red 'GO' button located there by our portrait gallery, NOW, Ralphie The Tarantula!.. Here's a taste of... THE PICTURE OF DORIAN GRAY!

Man, that song in the sound clip is like claws on a chalkboard for me, youch-a-roonie!!

Hurd Hatfield is Dorian Gray, he also played the Prince of the Lionians in TARZAN AND THE SLAVE GIRL and was in the LIGHTS OUT episode of "The Masque of the Red Death" in 1951. Notice his youthful face with not a wrinkle to be found!

In a color segment we see Dorian's beautiful portrait, he wishes that the figure in the portrait would grow old instead of him and he gets his wish because of an ancient Egyptian statue that's in the room!

He goes to a side show at the Two Turtles in a poor part of the neighborhood where he gets to see this weird puppet show that features the woman showing her ware!

Then, he sees Sibyl Vane doing her song for the drunk crowd, as heard in the sound clip. He invites her to his place, she falls in love with him but he ultimately rejects her and she commits suicide. Sybil is played by the great Angela Lansbury.

Here's a nice shot of youngsters Donna Reed and Peter Lawford.

The portrait is changing in weird ways, not only is it aging, it also seems to be taking on the sins of its vain owner!

Dorian kills the artist that did the portrait because he thinks he's the one making changing on the painting!.. Paranoid much?!

Then, the painting changes again and gets even more gruesome with signs of the artist's murder. The paintings were done by the English painter, Basil Hallward.

Dorian doesn't fit in with the rest of the people where he lives and is considered to be a weirdo or worse! They want to know why he doesn't seem to age after 20 years.

Dorian is trying to change his ways and notices the painting changes for the better when he is kind to people. So, he decides that destroying the portrait will get rid of the evil and he plunges his knife into it!

He unknowingly stabs the knife into the heart, causing the painting to revert back to its original form, a handsome young man! Did it work?..

I don't think so!!.. Nice horror makeup job by Jack Dawn.

Virus Man is here on Wednesday with more delirious, delightful Dungeon mayhem!! Later, dudes and dudettes.

WONDERWALL - George Harrison - "After All" (1968)

Welcome to yet another Psycho-Delicious Psaturday down deep in The Dungeon! From 1968, it's "Wonderwall," and what a wonder to behold it is!

I used to see the internet as one big window into the world, and that's kind of like what a "Wonderwall" is too, but on a much smaller, and more personal level! I'm thinking that's where the ww in www. originated!

Jack (THE GIANT BEHEMOTH, THE BRAIN, THE FEARLESS VAMPIRE KILLERS, HOW I WON THE WAR) MacGowran is the absent minded, but brilliant Professor Oscar Collins! Oscar has to constantly remind himself to do almost everything!

After a long week's work, the rather eccentric Professor returns home to his flat to relax for the weekend when he notices a strange little beam of light and the silhouette of what appears to be a beautiful girl dancing projected on his wall! The Professor wastes no time trying to get the hole open a little larger so he can get a better view!

The Professor gets quite an eyeful, and nobody on the other side ever seems to notice that he's spying on them!  The gorgeous gal that inhabits the next apartment is Jane (BLOW-UP) Birkin as the very lovely and uninhibited Penny Lane, and she is indeed inside the Professor's eyes and ears! Jane has continued to work steadily through the years, and currently has a film in post-production!

A lot of reason for all the flamboyant imagery is because Penny Lane is a fashion model, who specializes in having her legs shot!

And when her boyfriend comes over, she is also a specialist in having her legs spread, and it's all to the Professor's delight!

The Professor becomes so possessed, he almost destroys his apartment in an effort to be able to see even more, and ends up making almost as many holes as there are in Albert Hall in the wall to further his voyeuristic viewing pleasure!

Like in "What's Good For The Goose," "Wonderwall" is steeped and heaped with a wide array of male mid-life crises, and man's never ending pursuit of what he thinks love is, a young and beautiful sexy young lady! With his mighty pen at hand, the Professor is ready to do battle with Penny Lane's boyfriend, and run off with her to sexual Neverland forever! The boyfriend was played by Iain (THE FEARLESS VAMPIRE KILLERS) Quarrier.

"Wonderwall" is almost a silent movie, so it had to have some good music to keep it going, and that's where George Harrison of Beatles' fame and fortune, during his highly influenced Indian music period, comes into play! George wrote an outstanding soundtrack and you can buy it from Amazon right here!! 95% of the music is ragas, sitars, and tablas, but there are a couple of rockin' segments too! Here's just a slight taste of one of Tabonga's favourite riffs!

The Professor is now to the point where he has become so obsessed with this whole scene, that he's almost destroyed his apartment, and isn't taking care of himself at all! He's a literal mess!

The Professor has some incredible fantasies about Penny Lane, like her being at his lab!

Up to this point, the Professor still hasn't met Penny, only the boyfriend! It's pretty sad that when they throw a party on Penny's side of the wall, the Professor decorates his side, cleans himself up, and parties by himself from a distance!

The Professor is too caught up in his own fixations to even notice that everything is not exactly as perfect as it looks on Penny Lane's side of the wall!

More fantasies, and one including an apple, huh, can you imagine that?

The Professor is totally gone now, and his fantasies have become his realities! He really wants Penny Lane bad! He has to have her, and he decides to sneak into her apartment!

Finally, the Professor gets to see what the other side of the wall looks like!

This is the sad and lonely side of Penny Lane that the Professor never sees or knows exists!

Penny Lane attempts suicide by taking a bunch of sleeping pills and turning on the gas while the Professor is hiding in her closet!

In the end, The Professor not only gets to meet Penny Lane, he also gets to save her, and is declared a hero, which is about as close as he's ever going to get to fulfilling his fantasy, but it's good enough for him, and why not!