THE CREMATORS - Albert Glasser - "Goodness Gracious" (1972)

Wow! I was really looking forward to this one, cool title, "The Cremators," and another cool soundtrack composed by Dungeon Maestro Master, Albert Glasser, what could go wrong? Well, it just so happens that this film is not the worst film I've ever seen, but it just might well be one of the boringest! Even Albert Glasser's soundtrack is not that exciting, but it's probably the best part of the movie!

Here we go, La, la, la, lalala, la, la, la la lo!

Reflections ala Henry David Thoreau - "As in geology, so in social institutions, we may discover the causes of all past changes in the present invariable order of society."

This rock looks like it might be made of some harmless turquoise and some fool's gold, but in this movie's reality, it is the root of all evil!

What a fantastic Mad Lab!A bunch of stuff piled on a table, two terrariums, one with a large tin can in it, with some cords, tubing, and a cardboard box. Cool vintage knotty pine paneling and a folded map in one corner!

Homie's also got himself a vintage "Fix Or Repair Daily" pickup! They spared no expense on this film!

He's not a complete loser, those 45's he bought from me on eBay finally arrived! Too bad they were all broken when they got there!

The locals are a lively bunch, but I'm not too sure about the guy in the dress!! Meanwhile, the Sheriff is busy off drinking beer!

Did I forget to tell you about the glowing rocks? I didn't take the time to do the exact math, but I'm willing to guess that out of the 75 minutes this film is running, there is at least a minimum of 15 minutes of nothing but shots of glowing, and sometimes not glowing, evil rocks!

Maria De Aragon has the role of The Doctor's girlfriend Jeanne! Somebody on IMDB finds her to be a "beguiling brunette knockout," but then that is the same site that when you use their search engine, it won't auto-fill any titles that are more than like 20 years old, unless it's a mega-classic! Believe it or not, Maria was behind the Greedo mask in "Star Wars!"

Marvin Howard has the role of Dr. Iane Thorne, and it's basically a 'who cares' situation!! This was to be Marvin's only film role, but he did reappear once as a gunman on a TV show 8 years later! Dude is not exactly a baller!

Bill Haley and the Comets' "Don't Knock The Rock" would be very appropriate right about here!!

"The Cremators" was also known as "Dune Roller!" A Dune Roller is a large mass of energy that is attracted to those weird rocks, rolls over people and turns them into piles of ashes while absorbing their life energy! "Dune Roller" should not be confused with another movie also made in 1972, "The Unholy Rollers," that starred Playboy playmate Claudia Jennings, and was all about Roller Derby!

ROCK!

DUNE ROLLER!!

ROCK!!!

LAMP!!!!

Jeanne was out on the lake doing some karaoke with her frog friends, when The Dune Roller shows up and tries to put a damper on the whole thing!

The budget was so small, this was considered a wide shot, a double-wide shot!!

Help, I got Space Shit on my hands!!

Here's why I don't like Rocket Surgeons! This one is so intelligent, he thinks he's going to be able to shoot and kill the Dune Roller!! What a Brainiac!!

Now the rocks are getting organized! Next thing you know, they'll be making political contributions!!

Here it comes, rolling down the street, it gets the funniest looks from every one it meets, hey, hey, it's a Dune Roller!!

Dr. Thorne and Jeanne lure the Dune Roller to a spot where he's hidden some explosives!! "Great Balls Of Fire!"

That's it! The Dune Roller has rolled it's last dune! Blown sky high! How about that?

You could only dream that "The Cremators" would be anywhere near this exciting! Apparently false advertising laws don't apply to movie posters!

MYSTERY OF THE WAX MUSEUM / Warner Brothers Burbank Studios - 1933

Welcome to Friday Night Bijou Theater with Tabonga, here at The Dungeon!.. What a great movie we have tonite, it stars the great Lionell Atwill and the beautiful Fay Wray in this classic tale of horror filmed in early two-strip Technicolor! As a kid in the fifties and sixties, you'd never know it was in color because, basically, everything was broadcast in b/w.

The uncredited stock music is by Cliff Hess, the end theme is by Bernhard Kaun. Hess was a composer, songwriter, author, publisher, pianist and Irving Berlin's secretary between 1913 and 1918. Kaun had 224 music department credits and worked on PLATINUM BLONDE, THE MIDNIGHT SUN, THE HATCHET MAN, DOCTOR X, THE MOST DANGEROUS GAME, THE OLD DARK HOUSE, KING KONG, HAUNTED GOLD, THE MAYOR OF HELL, THE SON OF KONG, THE WALKING DEAD, FLASH GORDON, SECRET AGENT X-9 and THE RETURN OF DOCTOR X.

Lettuce bring in our littlest Dungeon helper and button pusher, it's... Rufus The Gnat! Howdy, Rufus... He's here to start our show, so, push the big red 'GO' button located there by the espresso machine, now, Rufus!! Here's our soundclip for... MYSTERY OF THE WAX MUSEUM!

Here's the great Lionel Atwill as Ivan Igor, master sculptor, in London. It doesn't take long to see where HOUSE OF WAX came from, which is also a WB production...

Ivan's damn good at his work, his pieces are stunning!

Bad news comes via his business partner... Here's $50 for your crap, I'm going to burn the place down and get all that insurance money!

It only takes a few minutes to set the place completely ablaze with just one match! Which reminds me, I'll never forgive AIP for what they did to Paul Blaisdell in HOW TO MAKE A MONSTER!

It's now New Year's in New York, Ivan has moved to the United States to continue his work...

And then, bodies start disappearing from the morgue! I smell A BUCKET OF BLOOD!!

This is Glenda Farrell as fiesty girl reporter, Florence Dempsey. She tells the editor and boyfriend that she's getting creepy vibes from Mr. Igor.

There was no way in Hell that I wasn't going to show this great pulp magazine cover!

Ahhh, the artist's studio!

When I see shots like this, it makes me want to spit on modern movies, no offense.

Fay Wray plays Charlotte Duncan. Ivan imagines her as his Marie Antoinette figure.

It doesn't get much more atmospheric than this!

Florence gets a good scare in the basement as she tries to find some clues to the mystery.

Love this part where one of the sculptors rises up, looking like his was a wax head.

Ivan surprises Charlotte when he springs up from his wheelchair and grabs her in an embrace!

She accidently cracks off his mask, revealing a twisted monster!

The police finally break Ivan's helper and he spills the beans about what his boss is up to.

It's time to dip Charlotte in the wax, to become his next exquisite creation!

Ivan notices that the police have discovered his hidden lair and have him surrounded.

After some terrific fight scenes, the coppers shoot Ivan on the cat walk, and, of course, he falls head first into the hot wax! It's always a sad story, genius turned madman due to circumstances out of his control, in this case, greed was the culprit...